This n That

"I hold you, and touch you, and make you my wooooman, tonight....."
Anyone know that lyric? It's from Whitney Houston's duet with Teddy Pendergast from her first album. Can't remember what the fucking song is called. Hold Me perhaps? Anyway, it's been going through my head all night, and it's got me thinking about Whitney. Remember when she too was normal? I had such a thing for that crazy crack whore back in the day. When I was in grade 10, her first album came out and damn she was fine, and that voice.... I still get a funny feeling when I hear "You Give Good Love" now, like 20 years later. Even though it was so manufactured, and so 80's safe crappola-ish, it's a damn good album still today. And I thought she was so hot. This was back in my "I want to marry a black woman" stage. I had all this Cosby show skewed view of the word and was gonna find me Lisa Bonet and ride off into the sunset. LOL, ah, the good old days. Anyway, Ms. Whitney was fine.... and then suddenly, poof, she's married to that thug and dumped her lesbian lover, or who they say was her lover, that Robin chick, the Gail to her Oprah, and then she becomes a crack ho and I feel so bad for that poor kid of theirs. Anyway, I have no idea where I am going with this, just that I can't get that song out of my head, and I miss the old Whitney.
Ok, so Roxy was saying something about Mariah Carey, and I just gotta comment, and I can't believe I am even sticking up for her, but I will begrudgingly say this: the bitch can sing. I couldn't stand her for years, and called her the white Whitney, and I think I was just annoyed with her because she married that old fucker, but you know, when she's got a good groove going, the bitch is good. Like "Dreamlover". That song gets me moving. So does "Fantasy".... and while I have HATED the whole way she only shows one side of her face, she really DOES have a good side and a bad side. I actually saw a couple pics of her head on, and she DOES have a fucked up side of her face. But still, that way she only gets the one side shown is kinda funny.
But to be part of the Diva Ball or whatever the hell Oprah is doing, well, whatever. But she's hot.
Ok, now let's move on to Oprah while we are at it. You know, I always prided myself on being probably one of her few straight male disciples, but really, the bitch is just a little too damn much right now. I guess I always identified with her because of the weight thing. And then at one point in my life, I was "getting with the program" and all that nonsense and doing her book club, which started out damn good before it got swamped down with all that damn Toni Morrisson (I've read all of her, and while I like her, she ain't book club material), and on and on. But like, I mean, to tell people they must buy one hardcover book a month and all that Oprah's favorite stuff, and whatever. I mean, it's just exclusionary if you ask me. And now she has all this celebrity shit now, and I mean, what the hell does she have in common with John Travolta? AND WHY must we always see these best friends of hers on tv? I do have a thing for Gail though, I gotta admit, although I told someone that once, and they almost puked.
Ok, so you can tell I feel ranty tonight. LOL, sorry, I can't help it, because I am tired. We had the birthday party tonight, which was fun, but I am pooped out because we had a houseful. It's the long weekend this weekend, so we are heading to the lake. I am going to pack the laptop though and even though I have no access to internet, I will blog and then post it when we get home. Yup, addict.....
Oh, since I mentioned it the other night, what do y'all think about Gwen Stefani? I thought she was really hot in that Moby video, where she licks his head - "Southside". But you know, she's just too WHITE. It grosses me out. Too much like Madonna circa Who's that Girl era. Maybe she IS an albino. Maybe she's Latoya Jackson after getting into Mikey's skin bleach. I dunno... that is something to investigate. And her husband, well, didn't he once fuck Boy George or Marilyn or one of them? I'm sorry, but like Billy Bob, anyone who has slept with Boy George would not be welcome in my bed. Can you imagine? Well, I dunno, it just grosses me out to think of sleeping with someone and in the back of your head knowing "she once did this with Billy Bob Thornton on a regular basis" and I would just want to shower right then and there. I'd hear that frigging Deliverance music right away. Oh man, and Boy George. LOL, I am not trying to be mean here either, but just picture it. Has anyone ever thought about Boy George getting it on? Like, would be wear his sexiest caftan to bed? And then imagine him actually doing it... LOLLLLLLL oh man, I gotta call Sharon tomorrow and discuss that one. Sharon and I have this thing where we seem to go through every person we know in common and try to imagine them in the throes of passion... it's so sad, really. Two bitches in a pod indeed.
Good grief, I am just rambling tonight aren't I? I can't stop typing. But anyway, I am so flippin' tired. The new job is good, but keeping be reeeally busy, so the day flies by. I went and met someone from my old work for coffee today so that was fun. Apparently, they are having a good bye lunch for me on the 19th. I don't wanna go through that shit, but whatever. I dunno about a leave of absence from my old job, but will know next week, but I think I won't get it and I will have to out and out quit, as my holidays there run out on the 15th and I am, well, working somewhere else already...lol. Ah, but that place is in turmoil like you wouldn't believe. I'd forward all the press clippings and shit, because we were front page news 4 days last week, literally front page, and again in the news all fucking day again, so it's unstable, so if I have to quit come the 15th, well, no biggie. But I don't wanna post anything about that place because then someone would figure out who I was and then I'd never be able to post without feeling watched... lol, like KB said, keep workplace away from the blog. I still don't have my old office packed up yet, so my new one is pretty empty still, so I need to get on that.
Well, sorry for the boring post, but I am pooped out. By the way, got the Scissor Sisters this afternoon, along with a new Carly Simon, another old flame of mine, but of course, the fucking thing is an album of standards or something, and I mean, I don't get off on that shit, so sucks to be me.
Anyway, better run.
Have a great friday, y;all, y'all, y'all!
JT

Big Brother

Ok, save my list for tomorrow night - my kids didn't go to bed until ELEVEN o'clock tonight (long story) and so I just finished last night's Big Brother, and I just want to say this: Kayser is my hero, and after muscle-head fuckface's steroided and shaved ass is going back to Bedrock, then that ugly long-faced bitch Ivette better be on the block next. Ok, that all sounds mean, but they are mean people, so whatever.
Tomorrow night is Kim's second birthday party, so I'll fill ya in on how that all goes too....
xo
JT
p.s. - seriously, I will comment on my list from last night

Yo Yo Ma, baby

Ok, it's midnight and I don't have time to post tonight. tried catching up on my blogs - caught up on Roxanne and KB, faaaar behind on Soh, and I dunno if Rosie's fucking cruise ended yet or if Jann Arden's been to Winner's lately. So anyway, tomorrow night I'll post, and remind me that these are the things I want to talk about, in no particular order: magazines, Mariah Carey, Oprah, Big Brother, Julie Chen, depression/anxiety/panic/seasonal affective disorder, the bugs that are eating my lettuce, Melalucca, and whether or not Gwen Stefani is an albino.
So until then, have a great Wednesday.
JT

I ain't no hollerback boy either, gwen baby

Ok, I'm here! Just a little blurb tonight - it was the week from hell last week, and some things are better left unsaid, so I am just going to suck it up and get over it, so no endless posting about the whole thing. Well, it wasn't THAT bad, but it wasn't the greatest, and nothing too interesting, so whatever. Started the new job, which is always stressful, and it's still stressful in that I am not exactly sure of some things, or what I mean is, how to get a few things done, and yada yada, but I'm getting there. I seriously am the only one - there's me, my admin assistant who is on holidays for another month, and that's it - everyone else is in Saskatoon, and while they are a phone call away, I don't know really any of them except one, so that's sorta problematic, but it will all be fine. It's just feels weird to be in that spot again where you don't know everything - I was so comfortable in my old job knowing what to do and who to call and whatever, and now I feel like I am slightly retarded. But it will be good, and it's getting better all the time. The old job, well, that was the fly in the ointment as they say, last week. Huge misunderstandings and all this wacky shit, so that stressed me out to the fucking max, but it's all good now, so enough said.
Anyway, went to the lake this weekend, and whenever we go to the lake, it's like I have a tapeworm. All I do is eat. This weekend was no exception. I was on a losing streak all week, probably from stress, and I hit 34 lbs, but with all the eating I did all weekend, I really think I gained 3 or 4 lbs, so that fucked everything up, but tomorrow's another day.
Went to 7-11 tonight to get one of those crystal light slurpees (and it's doing a number on me already) and the girl who helped me was named, get this, DELMA. She's late teens, MAYBE 20-ish, and her name is DELMA. Who names their kid Delma in this day and age? Why not Ethel while they were at it? Anyway, I've been puzzling about that all evening.
Anyway, I am sorry for the crappy post, but I just HAD to get something down. I probably won't get to post again until Tuesday. Well, maybe tomorrow, we'll see. it will slow down soon. But anyway, I haven't read a blog OR my email for a week, so I gotta check in and see and try to catch up and everyone.
Have a great day everyone - by the way, if you are reading this and your name is Delma, well... I'm sorry.
xo
JT

If You Are a Jehovah's Witness, Don't Read This

Quick rehash of the pat few days before I go to bed - I am exhausted, and it's finally cool in my house, so I will be able to sleep. Anyway, Thursday morning was funny. I was getting our alarm system installed, and these two clean cut young fellows were doing it, and they were all polite and stuff, and so the one is putting in the door thingy on the door leading to our garage (which is right next to our front door - they are side by side). Well, the doorbell rings, and I've got the kids all over me and the dog freaking out, and it's this fucking Jehovah's Witness woman, this older woman who was all dolled up. Now let me back up first by saying that we get TONS of visits from them. TONS! You see, the people we bought our house from are Jehovah's, and I am pretty sure that they sic these people on us. It turned out that the guy's friend was this dude Rachel went to school with, so as soon as we moved in, this dude's mother was at our door trying to convert us, and then different ones came, and blah blah blah. Anyway, everyone comments on how odd it is that we have so many. Well, I am always polite to them and take the shit, because I actually get a kick out of reading the Awake! It's sorta funny with how hokey it is. But anyway, I should also back up and explain that the guy we bought our house from works for the City as some kind of foreman or something. Rachel's dad works in the finance department for the city, so he has known this guy forever, and Rachel's brother also works for the city, so he knows him too. Well, turns out that my nephew, the one who lives across the street, works for the city as a seasonal worker, and he worked for this guy for a few weeks this spring. So this guy, let's call him Lenny, takes a shining to my nephew because he's a nice clean cut kid. My nephew is the son of my born again sister Libby, who has this thing against Jehovah's, let me also mention. Well, as it happens, Lenny used to own my sister's house too - he lived in her house for years, built our place across the street, and now he's off in the country. So, he had the house in common with my nephew and soon was trying to convert him. So I got the whole fucked-up skinny that they believe from him, and I have also done research on the internet to find out who bizarre they are. Well anyway, this woman comes, and instead of doing what they usually do to me, which is actually quite nice and just say "Would you like to read an article on pollution" or whatever, she starts right in on piece of mind, and inner piece and starts reading scriptures. So she asks if I will take her books and maybe we can discuss them later, and I say sure and then I think "fuck this, if you think you can come to my door and spew forth, then I can tell you what I think of your so-called religion in a nice way" so I say "but I must be upfront with you. I think your religion goes against the true word of God, and is a cult" and yada yada yada and she gets all attack mode like and keeps asking me to tell her what is wrong with her religion and what is the error of her ways and I tell her to come to church with me on Sunday and talk to my pastor (remember, I don't go to church or have a pastor, so I am shitting myself at this point as to how to keep it up) and that shuts her up a bit and I guess I said she was programmed somewhere in there, so she had to tell me she wasn't brainwashed or programmed, and then we ended it with her thanking me for being honest and so I close the door, and I should mention that the alarm boy was looking all uncomfortable. So I say to him "sorry about that. I am not even religious in the true dogmatic sense, but my born again sister has given me some ammunition to say and they are always here so..." and he just says "well, I'm not a church goer myself" and then I think "HOLY FUCK, HE'S A JEHOVAH." So I want to vomit. Just vomit. I am losing it, and am moritified, and stew on that for an hour or so, but then, long story short, it turns out at the end of this, I know who his father is, and I am almost sure he WASN'T a Jehovah. But the drama there was funny.
So then we went to Saskatoon in the afternoon, and the kids had so much fun. It was like we went to Disneyland or something. It's so much fun to see how little things amaze them. It's so cool to see things through the eyes of a child. So we stayed at the bessborough, which looks like a castle, so that was fun for them, and Keryn keeps saying "this is the best trip ever!" and we took them swimming, which is all they wanted to do, so we went swimming as soon as we got there, and then later on to Rachel's uncle's house, because he has a pool in his house, and then twice the next day. But damn baby, did we hit the sales on kid's stuff. Gap for Kids had everything on sale, so we bought so much shit for them, and Keryn was so into it. Kim was being the typical 2 year old and grabbed everything off the shelves, so it was quite tiring. And I bought a shitload of stuff for work. Right now, I dress like s street person to work. Seriously, all I wear is jeans, so I thought I should perhaps get some dressy clothes. LOL, it's just like when I started the last job, I bought a huge wardrobe of dress clothes, wore them for a year, and then moved into jeans and shorts. I am sure that will happen here as well, but it was fun anyway. I bought soooo much. Went to Winners and got like 3 shirts and 2 pairs of pants. Went to the Gap and bought a pair of pants and 2 polo shirts. It was so much fun shopping now that I can actually FIT something from the Gap again. I was so happy that I had to tell "Joel", the puke-ish change room man at the Gap who kept knocking and asking how everything was fitting, that I didn't want the one shirt because it was too big. LOL, I just had to say "oh, this is too big. Can't do it" because usually it's all too small. Then we hit the biggest kid's clothes sale at Old Navy and then I bought a shitload there - I won't say how much I bought there. Let's just say, I don't even know what I bought. Oh, but I fucked up in the changeroom and gave the dude back the stuff I wanted and kept the stuff I didn't want, and didn't realize until I was paying, because our cart(s) were so full. So, suddenly I realize that I had a too-large polo shirt and a pair of fucking ugly cargos instead of these tan colored jeans I wanted, so I said "just a minute" and RAN to find another pair of pants and shirt. I made it back just as she was finishing ringing in the stuff. I felt like I was on that Price is Right game, where you run around and put the prices on the things and pull the thingy. Anyway, that's that. I was fun, but Keryn gets all weepy saying she misses her trip. LOL, we gotta take the kid out more I think.
Oh, one last funny story. We stopped in to Rachel's uncle's place to swim again before we went home. Well, their friends, we'll call them Frank and Lucy, were there. We've met them before - he's nice but is ALWAYS drunk and doesn't stop talking for a second. She's nice but a real estate agent and is the phoniest person ever who also doesn't stop talking. So they are there, along with some hard-looking German woman who looked ancient and sounded like she ate cigarettes, but who was nice, and Lucy's mother, who didn't speak, but was for some reason raking the shit from the trees off the sidewalk. So we didn't know they were going to be there, or we wouldn't have went in, but we go there, and we have our lunch with us - we picked up Edo from the mall, which we both love. So we are eating at the table and Lucy comes in asking where we go the food and if it was from the new Burmese place. Well, we tell her no, but she goes on about the Burmese place, and I am wondering where Burma even is, and then Frank comes in to mix another drinky-poo and he says to us "oh, you like the fat noodles. Hmmm. We used to order from Quans and from whatever, but we order from Diner's now. About 20 years now. Don't know why. It just happened. I order the skinny noodle. You can get the fat noodle if you like, but I like the skinny noodle. I get the special everything. Special egg foo young. Special chow mein. Special friend rice. It has beef, shrimp, chicken, ham, etc...." and I totally zone out and stick Rachel with the conversation. Then he offers the kids some watermelon, because he brought some over. He apparently eats a watermelon a week. I was starting to lose it by then.
Then after, we are swimming and Lucy comes by and is marvelling at how the dogs are like people. JUST LIKE PEOPLE, THEY ARE, she keeps telling us. Then Rachel notices that the new dresses she bought the girls have panties inside them, and she tells Lucy this, and she's all "well, I just don't believe it! ha ha! You never noticed! Well!" And so she tells this LOOOONG story about how Frank's dad had a recliner chair for 20 years, and then he moved into a care home, and took it, and he was sitting there all cramped up (the story was way longer) and she told Frank to get rid of the chair because the poor bugger was all cramped up in it, and they pick it up, and it turns out there is a fabric swatch still attached to it underneath, for 20 years, and so Rachel, who zoned out of the story says "oh, so it was stuck and screwed up the chair and made him all cramped?" and Lucy was "Oh, no! I am just saying how funny nobody noticed the swatch of fabric." I was in the pool, killing myself laughing. Ah, you had to be there. But they are really nice, really they are.
Oh, one last funny one - Rachel's uncle is gay, and him and his hubby go to Toronto every year for the Pride week thingy, because their friends live in the gay village and holy shit you shoulda seen their pictures. Anyway, they met the designer guys and got pics with them, so he took up down to see them on his computer, and hanging on the wall of the computer room was this homeade looking calendar with this guy who, how do I put this delicately for the ladies - was laying there in the nothing, who had just finished pleasuring himself. So I spot this calendar, and then nudge Rach, who looks, and her eyes go big, and we are killing ourselves, because he'd be mortified if he knew we saw it - lol, it was a little much.
So anyway, I gotta get to bed. Hope everyone had a nice weekend.
xo
JT

Cherokee Jeans - Rosie, just go to Old Navy, OK?

Yo! Well, I thought I would try to blog before the heat melted my computer. It is soooo frigging hot here. Actually, the temperature probably isn't even that bad - I think it was only 29 today (that's celcius to you Americans, which makes it, I dunno, 86 I think in your temperature). So it's only mid 80s, but it's just humid enough to make it feel hellish. Today the Weather Network said the humidex made it feel like 38 degrees, so whatever the hell that is in Farenheit, I dunno. But anyway, it's damn hot. Our house, as always, is an oven. I don't know what in the hell the people who built our house were thinking. The damn house can't be more than 4 years old or so, and who builds a house nowadays and doesn't put in central air? It's stupid. They put every other stupid thing in, like heated tile floor in the basement (that's really fun to play for in the winter) and a frigging cat bench in the window, but central air? Not a chance. The house faces south, so I guess that's part of the problem, but it is unusually hot if you ask me. Thankfully, we have a window air conditioner in our bedroom, so we at least get some relief there. If we had stupid screen doors on our doors, it would help too, because there is an awesome breeze out right now, but alas, I don't have screen doors yet. Ah well, I won't bitch, because I am just glad this week is hot and not raining.
I would be outside blogging on my deck right now if it wasn't for the mosquitos. I can't remember ever having them this bad, except for one summer when I lived in Chilliwack. Seriously, you can't go outside. My kids look like they have chicken pox, and we spray them 100 times a day. And the skeeters seem to be some weird variety - really small and vicious. I was on the phone tonight answering some survey about the government and they were swarming so bad on my legs that it looked like the old commercials for OFF, when that dude would stick his hand in that tent of mosquitos. So, if anyone there hits it big at the casino or wins the lottery, I want central air and a mosquito fogger.
So the week of holidays is going way too fast. On Monday night, we took the girls for their needles. Poor Keryn. She was so good about it, but didn't bargain for the three fucking needles they gave her. We thought it would be one, but nooooooo, three. Well, we paid for her to get the chicken pox shot, and then her 2 whatever ones you get when you are 4. She didn't cry until the chicken pox one, because that one was a bitch to get. Then, Kim got hers - FOUR frigging needles.... Man, I tell ya. And then I get so paranoid about vaccines that I keep waiting for them to keel over or go into shock or become autistic or something.... So, anyway, the shots kept us out of commission part of the day yesterday. Keryn was a little fevered and both were crabby, but we did get to spend time in the paddling pool. I got nice and sunburned, but it was damn fun. Kim kept ordering me, "Daddy, you sit!" so I had to go in the pool. Today we tried to repeat the fun, but it didn't work out, and I lost my temper and was just a big a baby as the kids, and I feel bad. Kim wanted to go in the pool, but it takes 1/2 an hour to get outside because of sun screen and bathing suits, and then bug spray and yada yada. So Kim and I go out because Keryn wanted to finish her tv show or something and then she comes out crying because she got something in her eyes, I dunno if she was playing with sunscreen or what, and wants to come in the house and Kim wants to stay in the pool, and then Kim poops in her swimsuit, 3 days in a row, so I just lose it and yell, and yell at Keryn because she won't stop rubbing her eyes, and crying, so I am freaking out and doing this whole production, and her eyes DID look like shit, so I just felt terrible. So after I apologized and told her daddy was crabby and sorry for yelling and being a shit basically, but still, I feel so bad. I dunno what the hell it is, but I am really on fucking edge today. I even swore twice in front of the kids, which of course I try not to do. It feels like that feeling when you need a smoke, you know that feeling? Well, it's been 3 years since I quit - actually, I think 3 years this week, or next week or something - and so it is freaky, but I would do anything right now for a cigarette. And not any brand I used to smoke either - I am craving a Player's Light King Size. Why, I dunno, but that's what I want, right now. Oh sweet Jesus, it would be so good to have one while sitting on my deck.... it almost makes me wish I could be one of those casual smokers, but I know me, that could never work. Call me Mr. Addictive. Ah well, I prefer to live longer anyway, but STILL.... smokers, have one for me. Then quit, damnit, because if I can do it cold turkey, y'all can do it too.
Ok, preaching over. But I am still crabby, since I can't smoke and can't eat and so what the hell else is there.... Maybe it's the heat.
Tomorrow we are going to Saskatoon for the night. We wanted to go shopping to Old Navy and Costco, and Keryn loves staying in a hotel, so we thought we'd take them. I got us a room at the Bessborough, which looks like a castle, because I thought she'd like that. They have a kiddie pool there too, so it will be fun for her. The problem is that we might not get there until late. We wanted to leave at noon, but we are getting an alarm system put in tomorrow, and they apparently need like 4 or 5 hours to do it, and I hear that the installer likes to take lunch, so we'll see. We are going to do some kid stuff too, like go to this farm zoo type place, so it should be a good time for them, and maybe I can redeem myself from crabby daddy.
I am also on this organization kick. All my clothes - well, not all, but my closet - is down in the office. It's been a fucking mess for months so I cleaned the entire basement (except for under the stairs, which you quite literally cannot even step into, it's piled so high) and cleaned out my closet and got rid of 2 lawn and garden bags full of clothes, and I packed away sweaters and shit into rubbermaid tubs because I won't need them until the winter, and then I cleaned out my dresser and got rid of a garbage bag of t shirts, went through my underwer drawer and got rid of 12 pairs of old underwear, and was going to work on the unmatched socks, but didn't have the heart for it. So, I've been quite crazy.
Hey, has anyone tried the new Crystal Light Slurpees from 7-11? Holy man, those things should be marketed to the eating disorder crowd. Instant laxative. I've had two, and both times, they cleaned me out. Yes, gross, but needs to be said. Must be the nutra-sweet. Good Lord though, empties you out. I am sure if word got out, Lindsey Lohan, that Ritchie girl, and that anorexic twin, whichever one she is, the Olsen girl, would take stock in 7-11. Maybe you'd see that Olsen walking around with a slurpee cup instead of Starbucks all the time. Why DOES she always have Starbucks? Always with the big old 70's whore sunglasses and the starbucks, and you know a slight wind would blow her two states over. Ooooh, but she' so healthy because she's photographed eating! Gimme a break. Gimme a woman with some nice curves, not all bony and gross. Well, Sarah Jessica and Courtney Cox are skinny, but they are exceptions to the rule. Otherwise, who wants to feel someone's fucking hip bones? "Is that your hip bones, or are you just excited to see me?" heheheh, ok, rant over. Oh, and speaking of slurpees, we went to Mac's last night to get the kids' one, and this oddball woman was there in front of me, getting like 6 slurpees. So she pays and then she asks all snotty for a bag, and poor little Azfar, the dude working there (I took note of his name because it seemed such a stereotype that East Indian men took over the Macs by my house, but they did), he asks her in broken English if she wouldn't rather a tray because it would work better, and this woman is just a mega bitch (I almost said something to her because I think my grouchiness was starting then) and she snaps at poor little Azfar and says "NO! I've done the bag thing before, it just works!" and so I am watching her put all of these slurpees in the bag and he's trying to be nice and asks again, and she is just a monster and snaps back at him and then moves on and THEN her stupid fucking kids just butt in line in front of me (Margo woulda shot them or something) and wanted to buy Listerine breath strips and wanted to know if they'd have money left if they bought them with a five, and Azfar is still not recovered from the bitch, and he's beening so nice, saying "youuuz can buy 2 small slooshes with the change" and I am all pissy because they cut in front of me, so I literally just push them out of the way, putting my shit on the counter by reaching around them and shoving them over and I look at Rachel who is laughing because she's witnessing all this stuff to befuddle Azfar, and I am thinking "go buy your sloooooshes boys, just get the fuck out of my way". Ah, good times. Point of that story? I dunno. It was just funny.
So I was reading Rosie's blog, and I must comment. She's all out of whack because her Cherokee pants weren't there or something. Now, honey, let me tell you this. First, we have the Cherokee line here in Canada too, at Zellers, and while Cherokee stuff is perfectly fine, why would someone want to buy it if they didn't have to? Is it because she wants to be, like, real or whatever? I mean, Cherokee pants can't be that nice. I know I've never said, when I've had the money, "Oh, no, I don't want to go to the Gap and buy a sweatshirt there. I think I'll just go to Walmart and see if I can find a Great Value sweatshirt because I prefer it." It doesn't add up. I mean, hell, get someone to make you some damn pants. I just keep picturing some god-awful, hideous black jeans, straight-legged, no bells or whistles, and I mean, ugh. And now that I think about it, who really looks good in black jeans, when you really think about it? Not me. Black jeans are gross, plain and simple. Anyway, that's all I have to say about that.
By the way, thanks for the comments Cynthia in Seattle. I keep forgetting to say that - I think you are the only non-blogger reader I have! And I owe everyone comments - Rox, KB, Cutie, Margs... I should keep a notebook because by the time I want to comment, there are new posts, and then it's a vicious cycle....
Well, I better get to bed. Have a great Thursday everyone. I'll blog on Friday night if I get home early enough. But for now, I gotta go find my animals outside before bed.

last night - this is for u margo baby

Just gotta post a minute about the fundraiser - this info is basically all for Margo, so don't feel you have to read this. Anyway, it was really touching to see all the people who turned out for this thing. They musta made piles of money. Most everything was donated, and I bet they made 10 grand by the time everything was said and done. And the food... THE FOOD. I was 3 lbs heavier today. Not a shock really, since it was pizza on Thursday, Chinese food Friday, and then last night was like some sad eat-a-thon or something. They had everything - turkey, roast beef, ham, meat balls, sausage, salads, yada yada yada... and desserts coming out of their asses. I ate like a son of a bitch, and then when I saw the 3 lbs this morning promised to be good, but then came dinner and I had a steak and I am still stuffed, so tomorrow it's back to Lean Cuisines.
Anyway, besides the food, it was nice. I bid on a coffee pot, which is probably only worth 40 dollars, but I paid 70, since it was a charity thing. Anyway, Margo, we sat with Pooch and her old man and their kid, but I visited a bit with "Veronica", my old flame. Well, she's kept her weight off still, and she's married, but I never was introduced to the hubby. Brent was sitting with them, and he is still as nice as ever. Anyway, 2 things she told me. First, she said that Craig, or "Heather", this dude we went to school with, who is like 350 lbs and about 6'6, who was a football player and a biker, and who is now a woman, or on the way to being a woman, stopped in and saw her. She was freaked out about it still and wanted her to get the hell out of there (probably because she used to sleep with Craig), and I asked what he/she looked like, and it was so funny - Veronica owns a bar in a tiny little "town" or hamlet or something, and I guess Craig/Heather was cross country skiing there for some reason - and she said "well.. it just looked like Craig with a wig on!" I dunno, I found that funny.
Oh, and second thing. Margo, remember your old boyfriend - let's call him Bucky. Well, Bucky is a conceited loser, right? Well, she sees Bucky about every week or two. He works in some mill or something in some town an hour or two away, and I dunno why, but he comes to her bar in her town all the time on Mondays. Well, remember his old girlfriend, the one he had years before you, the skinny one? Anyway, I think I told you that I heard she has AIDS - well, Veronica said Bucky met up with her and hangs out with her and I said "oh, she's really sick" and she said "yeah, I know, what is it?" and I said "isn't it AIDS?" and she said, "OMG, really?" and I couldn't figure out why she was harping over this, and it turns out that Bucky slept with his ex, and said to Veronica "gee, I hope it isn't AIDS that's wrong with her". So, there you have it - he really is too stupid for words. Now Now, I am sure it was safe sex, because he had chlamydia back in the day (he gave it to our friend Lolita, who he dated after Margo, and he got it from cheating on Lolita) and he cornered me one night and told me over and over how hideous it felt to get a Q-tip stuck up his penis, so I am sure he must play safe. But honest to goodness, what the hell is wrong with people... anyway, that was interesting news.
Oh, and Veronica told me her parents split up last year, and instead of me being normal and saying "oh, that's too bad" I said something like "well, that's about fucking time!" and "geez, they couldn't have done that 20 years ago and made your life easier, could they"? LOL, but they were the most dysfunctional family on the planet. I told her I wanted to buy her mom's house, but she has no plans of moving. She was like "i still remember hiding in the trunk of the car when my mom was chasing me...."
Oh, and I think Veronica must be a millionaire, or close to it. I knew her hubby owned something up in the national park, AND she told me that her dad and him were turning this building in Saskatoon into luxury condos and I remember hearing about this on the news, and I know it's a multi-million dollar venture, so, she's loaded. Rachel thought she looked like a floozy. Well, her tits were pretty much hanging out of her shirt, and Rachel was mimicking her when we got home: "Ooooh, JT, blah blah blah" and bending over. LOL, you had to be there. Anyway, none of the old crowd really likes her because, well, she WAS a floozy back in the day, so whatever. Oh, and Ruby came - you know who I mean, don't you? Oh, and Claire's old friend, you know who I mean, Mo, was there, and Pooch leans over to me and Rach and say "what's up with Mo - her teeth are all buggered up and stuff... she looks like hell!" LOL, you had to be there. OH, one more thing - remember that chick who had the leappard skin pants and the whip in high school? She was there, helping out. It was so strange. Anyway, Claire had a lot of support and they brought in good money, and I spent 70 dollars on a coffee maker as my donation.
So that was last night. Today we spent outside and playing with the kids. I am taking this week off if I can. So, tomorrow I will be home, so don't email me at work, Margs.
Anyway, I really gotta go - lol, sorry readers, this shoulda just been an email to Margo, but whatever.
Until tomorrow,
JT

blah blah blah

Yes, I am feeling more stable today. And even though I am so far from having all my work done, I am thinking I am going to take the next week off because I start the new job the following week and I need some damn holidays. So I haven't packed a fucking thing in my office either, but whatever. I am technically on holidays for the next month and then I can come in and pack it up. I also put in a request for a leave of absence, but I am doubtful it will be granted, because I really have no good reason other than "this place is sorta going to hell, so I just want to work somewhere else until y'all get it together again" and I mean, hell, I'd be pissy too if someone did that. But anyway, whatever, I've got a month to make sure I like this new job. I also somehow have kept this a secret from most of my coworkers because the ones who know freaked out. I am so weird sometimes, you know. Well, yes, you know, I suppose you figured it out by now.
Fuck, I don't know what in the hell is wrong with my kids this week. They aren't sleeping worth shit and as a result are crabbby in the day. Maybe it's the heat or something. Yes, heat - it's finally acting like summer. It's been nice all week, so who knows, maybe I can get a tan after all.
Ok, so as a result of the kids having hideously late nights, we haven't gotten through Big Brother yet. Yes, we are Big Brother freaks. Never miss it. Anyway, we only saw maybe 15 minutes so far, and already I am grouchy. As usual, it's all young good looking people, and I mean, get some fucking fatties and uglies and old buggers in there. It really bothers me with the people they pick. Oh, and this one chick, who wasa really hot by the way, is introducing herself, and she says she's 33 and they all gasp and say she's a young looking 33, and I mean, forgive my swearing yet again (I know my swearing on here offends) but I wanted to tell them to shut the fuck up. I dunno, maybe I am sensitive since I'm 35 but I still feel like I am 19, so these pukes just annoyed me.
Hey, is anyone else reading this a Peter Gabriel or Genesis fan? They are two of my favorites that I never talk about.
Argh, my stupid cat killed a bird today and left remnants all over my yard. If she killed the bird who lives in my birdhouse, I swear, I'll kick her in the ass. You have any idea how gross it is to pick up feathers and bird feet and shit and try to hide it from your kids? It ain't easy.
Oh man, I cheated on my diet really bad tonight. Ordered Chinese food. Enough said. You see, I am a fanatic for Chinese food, and so I ate so much I still feel sore. Then we took the kids for ice cream and even though I was so full, I still got a big frozen yogourt. I have lost 32 lbs thus far, and I WAS on a losing streak, but I bet I nipped that in the bud tonight. Ah well, ya gotta still live I guess. I wanna buy a new bike and then I can ride to work, since my office will only be a hop, skip, and a jump from here.
I need something to read. Something good. Something funny. Recommend something, peeps!
I was desparate the other night I read my Consumer Reports cover to cover. If anyone wants to buy a new toilet, I could probably recommend which ones got the best ratings.... I am so pathetic....
Ok, I am pooped out, so I gotta get my flat ass to bed (yes, flat - I sadly have no ass - it's like a board. I wish I could get implants). Hey, can you imagine me on Exteme Makeover? "He got crowns, lipo, a face lift, and two cheeks filled with saline. Then I could prance around in a speedo at the big reveal, with a bubble butt and fake teeth... good times....
hey Heather, you are a hygenist - what is the strongest percentage of tooth bleach your office sells?
Ok, have a great Saturday, y'all y'all y'all.... I'll report tomorrow night about the fundraiser, if I am not drunk or anything. We aren't staying long, but if I have to see the old gang, I might need to suck back a bunch of booze to cope.
xo
JT

Third Post of the Night... I can't stop typing

Oh you little buggers, commenting on other posts when I shut down the comments... LOL, I can never wallow in self pity, can I?
Thanks guys, I needed a kick in the ass!

Joni Mitchell Nevah Lies

P.S. - Rosie is quoting Joni Mitchell again. Honey, *I* am the damn Joni fanatic, so leave the Joni posts to me!
LOL, I am so fucking warped sometimes.... now I want to have a Joni jeopardy with her and kick her ass!

Tonight's Blog now with a little added sanity!

Ok, pity party over for the moment. I am still all fucked up but not as bad as yesterday and Sharon and I are allright for the most part, so let's just leave it at that for today, because tomorrow could be all fucked up again and whatever, and so let's not dwell, because I am sure if I get all downerish tomorrow it will all come puking forth again on here like last night. But for the moment, I'm ok and don't want to talk about it. LOL, but man, imagining not seeing Sharon everyday is freaky, since we are two bitches in a pod as someone said - can I be a bitch though? Should we call man bitches "Mitches?" Anyway, enough of the boo hooing for tonight.
So anyhooo, I felt better after I vented last night on here and wanted to go straight to sleep, because I was so damn tired but still didn't get to bed until after midnight. So I crash and then at 1 o'clock, Keryn wakes up bawling because she peed. She wears a pull-up to bed, but it leaked, so I had to change her and the sheets and then jump into bed with her and try to get her to sleep and she tosses and turns and moans and doesn't settle and soon I realize it's 3 am and I am losing it because I HAD to go to work, and I feel so bad now because I was giving her shit over and over: "stop it!" "settle down!" "quit moving!" I really got mad at one point and then she started crying so then I felt like the biggest shit in the world, and a hideous father and with my whole weepy breakdown bullshit, that took the cake. So then Rach comes in and tells me to go sleep on the couch and she'll sleep with Keryn and then we all crawl into Keryn's bed and then Rachel leaves and goes back to our bed, and then Keryn cries and follows, and long story short, none of us slept. No idea why she didn't sleep. I kept saying "she's gonna puke, that's why she's up and restless" but I was wrong for once... LOL, oh if my wife heard me say that...
Anyhow, I am tired as a whatever (can't think of any snappy comment) in a whatever.
So the weather is finally nice here. It's been warm all week. FINALLY! This weekend, we are going to this fundraiser for a friend. The thing is called "Care for Claire", a friend of ours whose kidneys failed about 3 years ago, and then she got one of her brother's kidneys, which ended up fucking up on her too last year, so she's back on dialysis 3 times a week, and until this month, had to go to Saskatoon for it, so she's had it rough. Anyway, they are putting on a fundraiser for her and it's something else. I heard about it last weekend when it was front page of the paper, and then she was on the news, and there are commercials and everything. So they are having a dinner and auction for her, so that will be nice. Of course, if I get all emotional and fucked up, I'll probably blubber around or something. We go way back and used to be together all the time, drinking 6 nights a week. Good times... Anyway, Margo, when you read this, it will be fun - the old gang is all going - my old flame Veronica called Rachel last night to see if we were going and she is going, along with Brent (used his real name, AND Claire's - I'm so daring!), and the two Deans, and Pooch and her hubby and kid, so it will be fun to see the gang again.
Ok, total aside comment - is anyone else a stickler for detail, and when things don't add up or whatever, it ruins everything? Case in point: Tonight we watched Oprah when we came home, and it was about, I dunno, from what I could understand, Black men who are married and sleep with other Black married men, and then got AIDS. So anyway, it was called "on the down low" (which has made me sing TLC's "Creep" all fucking night since those words are in the chorus), and I was so lost, because I think this one arsehole was blabbing about how it's only Black men who are on the down low. White people, apparently, can't be on the down low. Anyway, it didn't make sense, but I thought whatever, since Oprah is so fucking lame lately. But then this white woman is on, and this doesn't add up and so it has bothered me. She says she got HIV from this dude back in 1985. So Oprah asks her how old she was when she got it, and she says "I was 50 when I was exposed, in 1985, 55 when I was diagnosed, and I am 68 now." So then I do the math and like, unless it's 2003 again and nobody told me, how does she get to be 68? She should be 70. So I didn't even care about what was said after because I was so preoccupied by the whole age thing not adding up.
And like the Brady Bunch house - the outside shows a big window, but there's no fucking window in the front. It's all lies! And what is all beyond the kitchen? The laundry room and Alice's room, but does she at least get her own shitter? And there's a fucking hallway under the stairs, so does it lead anywhere, or what? If so, can't they put the kids in there instead of cramming them into one room? It doesn't make sense, I tell you.
Ok, I also gotta comment about Roxy - she says she "figured out" Rachel/Rochelle's common name, but like, I dunno how, because this thing is hardly the frigging DiVinci Code... LOLLLLLL.
Well, I am going to try and catch up on my blog reading but I will post on tomorrow, well, tomorrow I guess!
xo Peeps!
JT

Warning: Self-pity downer post - read only after prozac or whatever the cool new drug is

I am having a mental fucking breakdown, I kid you not. All I have done is blubber for the past day or so because of all of this shit. Today took the frigging cake though. Yesterday I told my one co-boss I had this offer and she said without hesitation "go for it, I'll support you in whatever you do" and a couple other people I told said the same thing, so that got me on an even keel. They also fired the boss in Saskatoon for no reason yesterday, so that backed up my decision. Then today, I finally saw Sharon and she was devistated as I said, and it just got worse. She started saying she'd leave then because there is nothing there for her now and then throughout the day she didn't even like speak to me and totally turned it around and so that upset me even more and then I told my other co-boss who said not to go and all will be fine, and that pissed me off more because I feel guilt trips and I mean, I am fucking mourning like I lost a loved one, and while I am praying I get a leave of absence granted, I might not, so I am a fucking wreck, and so this shit I don't need. So then I come home all upset and then Rachel gets all upset and she's asking why I am second guessing and whatever, but it's true, I don't WANT to leave, but I have to, hopefully just for the year. I need to do this. Case closed... but it doesn't make it any easier and I can't stop blubbering - if someone mentions it, I can't speak. It's hideous... Oh I just hate everybody and everything and want the motherfucking world to go away.....
Ok, vent over - tomorrow's another day. If it's like today, look the fuck out because I'll be requesting meds from all you medicated ones through the mail - Sharon is my connection for tranquilizers now, but since she hates me, I'll have to buy them off the street people outside my office or something....
Anyway, I am miserable and this too shall pass sooner or later (I dunno, maybe in August sometime...lol) so I am pulling a Rosie and pulling the comments on this because if I had to read well-wishes, well, it would send me over the edge.
LOLOL, oh I feel better already - I can only be pathetic to a certain extent until it just gets ridiculous....
Until Tomorrow,
JT
p.s. Oh, remind me to blog about how we had to say goodbye to our friends last night who are moving back to West Virginia, and in my emotional state, I couldn't speak when we hugged goodbye and I had to pretend to bend down and pet the dog to buy composure time... Let me tell ya, I am a laugh riot this week...

The News, FINALLY - Now Calm Down!

LOL, well, I guess I shouldn't have put the "major fucking news" in the Friday post, since I got everyone all riled up. However, I was a frigging mess at that time so I just had to spill it. Now, it's nothing earth shattering - I'm not getting a sex change operation or anything like that, but still, I am all freaked out again at the moment. Now, it's a long story, which I'll get into tomorrow night why I am doing this, and it's not really interesting to anyone but me, but here goes: I got offered a different job, and I do believe I am accepting the offer. Wait, it gets better. The job starts in 2 weeks, so I have to give my notice tomorrow, and means I have no holidays. It also means I have to leave the place I love and all the people who are like my family. It also means that I will be going from a permanent position to a one year term position, which they think will be renewed but it was also explained to me why it just might not be (long complicated story I won't go into). But I am taking it nevertheless.
Now, you are asking why I am leaving the place I love. I can't really get into all the details because then I'd basically be giving away where I worked, and I really don't want to, but I should give some background. I never even posted that I applied for this other position, like over a month ago, nor did I post that I had an interview two weeks ago, and nor did I post that two of my references called me last week and told me they were called by the potential employer. Nor did I ever post that this position is the one I have ALWAYS wanted, way back when I was a student - I used to say "Man, I wish I had so and so's job there". Never told about this stuff. It was frigging killing me, but I didn't even want to get into it. Margo doesn't even know about it, nor about all the shit going down at my work. But I'll give you the Coles Notes version (that's Cliff Notes to you Americans).
I work for an Indian organization, which right away complicates things because of all the politics involved in everything. Until you've been there, I can't explain it. But nevertheless, it's been the best place to work. We really are like family. There are three locations of my workplace, and we are the northern unit and get to stay completely out of the fray of the politics down south. They all just think we are slack-jawed yokels. But anyway, I've been there 5 years, and have a permanent appointment as of this winter. However, the politics have suddenly intruded in a terrible way, and since February, it's been very traumatic. A few key people in senior management were fired, literal goons were brought in, people were replaced by family members and friends of politicians, you name it. People have been so traumatized and stuff, and it's been terrible, but we have been left out of it. However, all of this stuff has led to huge cuts in our funding, because we seem so unstable, and until we get some funding finalized, rumour has it we will not be able to pay our bills by mid July AND we might not even get paid by the end of the month. So that's news I've been sitting on for months. Also, this political interference has shown that our unions are not being honoured by the powers that be, and we all know that these folks would love to begin the process to decertify the unions. Out of Scope people have already faced the chopping block, and so while I am a permanent employee, I don't feel safe, because if they ever want some of us out, they'll find a way. So it is with weighing all of this that I think I should take the chance on the other job - same kind of work I do now, a little more money, but more hours and no flex time like I have now. But I just have to do it I think, because I have lost so much faith in my workplace now, that I just feel stressed each week when more and more stories hit the media and more rumours fly. So, I was so excited when I got the call Thursday afternoon, but then I started mourning right then and there and got all weepy like some girl (sorry, that sounds sexist, but I am too tired to think of another saying, and am too lazy to backspace and delete it), and I feel all sick right now. I don't know how I'll tell Sharon because she always says "if it wasn't for you, I couldn't do it here" and we are short staffed and have a hiring freeze on and I do SO much. Seriously, I took on all I could to make myself indispensible, and I know I am not, but when you plan on leaving in a week, it ain't gonna happen that I train someone else there about all the shit I do. But then as my friend told me today, it's not my job to worry about the institution. I've got my family to think about, which is why I am not going down with the ship. I will ask for a leave of absence for the year, but I doubt I'll get it because they will be pissed at me. Anyway, that's the news. Also, a little nervous about the new job, as I will be on my own - I will have 1/2 time administrative assistant help, but otherwise, I am it - everyone else is in Saskatoon. Where I will be located is where my old office used to be, actually, so I will know a few people to see them, but I dunno, I will be alone, where right now, I have to tell 3 people that I am going down the hall to take a piss.... Ah, but anyway, it will work out.
So, that's it. Sorry for the blah post but I am in a blah mood thinking about all the hard conversations I will have to have tomorrow and all the anger that will be directed at me, and oh fuck, I don't want to think about it....
LOL, SOH, sorry, I didn't get any, and I don't even wish I was - that's how I am feeling now.
Oh man, I'll be better tomorrow once I just get it out. Ignore me until then.
I'll blog later about the weekend that was.
xo
JT