Saturday, March 27, 2010

Well, 40 is proving to be completely fabulous. And I mean fabulous as in "it's fabulous that you aren't living in Siberia eating rotten potatoes" type of deal. I can't remember or not if I said how much it was bugging me to turn 40 - it really was bothering me, partly because I feel like a big kid still, and still want to just curl up in the rumpus room watching Eight is Enough and eating Fun Dip while waiting for my mom to cook supper. But 40 - well, that's middle-aged. And so that freaks the fuck out of me. But anyway, whatever. But, you know how people usually make a big deal of a 40th birthday? Well, mine sort of ended up like Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles - you know when she utters "they fucking forgot my birthday"? Well, mine wasn't forgotten, but it was just horrid anyway, because my entire house was stricken with the worst stomach flu I've seen in years. First, baby boy got it suddenly on Sunday. It was like 7:00 at night and we were out for a walk and he suddenly pukes all over me. Then he proceeds to puke 10 times, until the middle of the night - couldn't even keep water down. So then I got like 4 hours of sleep and was just beat on Monday, but at least the kid was feeling better, except for the runs. So then I get up Tuesday morning and daughter #1 isn't feeling good and neither is #2, so I stay home from work and sure enough, #1 starts puking by 9:00, #2 by 11:00, and #3 by 3:00. It's violent puking, each at least 10 times - just horrid retching, dry heaves, and always two at once, so I was running around like a crazy person with bowls and towels and running baths, etc. Then the Mrs. comes home at 4:00 and she starts puking by 9:00, and pukes all night long, and Wed. was a big day at work because the president of my entire work was coming to town and I was involved in meetings and such all day. Well, I had no sleep again and was a wreck. So THEN then next day was the big 4-0 and I was so fucking grumpy. Turning 40 was bad enough, but then I had a missing-my-mom day, which I actually haven't experienced for quite a while, and it was just horrible, and I was crabby at work, awful at home, and was happy to just go to bed. But then Friday I woke up with the flu too, went to work for 1/2 a day, almost puked in Walmart at noon, and went home, had the runs and aches all day, and that was my fun Friday. Today I feel better - still achy and a little icky, but not bad. So that's how 40 welcomed me.
Seriously, I almost puked in Walmart. I had to pick up a few things before I went home and I get in there and get that gurgly, gaggy, spitty-throat feeling and start to freak out, but I get my shit and get the hell to the line-up, and I have too much for the express, so I end up in a line behind this old woman buying this bra. The cashier was that woman I wrote about before - the one with the skirt and bun on her head who questioned my credit card signature. WELL. She is slower than fucking BLACKSTRAP molasses, and this old lady in front of me, wearing a jacket that says Las Vegas, with the Las on one side of the zipper and Vegas on the other, and Nev on the one side, and Vada on the other, well, this woman was concerned with the bra she was buying. I thought she said something about one size fits all, and I couldn't figure that one out, but she wanted to make sure it was the price she thought it was. AND she bought like 8 airwick air fresheners, so then I start thinking she's living in a trailer that smells of smoke and cat and bacon grease. Well, both of them are so slow I start thinking of just pushing them over. I just wanted to yell "GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT" and push her out of the way. I was so mad I even made a dash over to look at some socks while in line, like some sort of pumped-up methhead who couldn't keep still.
So then I get to the cashier and she's soooo slow and then she goes 'that it?' and I thought "no fucking shit Sherlock" and wanted to say "well actually, no, I'll take all the peanuts off the shelf and my wife will be here shortly with a cartfull of one size fits all bras and air freshener, so sit tight". And I was also noticing how frigging UGLY the people are in our Walmart. Seriously, they are hideous. The people behind me? Ugh. The kid with the ugly people was begging for mama to buy her a phone card because it was pretty. The mom was all snappy and gruff and grandma or whoever they were shopping with must gargle with Drano. It was enough to make you want to puke.
Ok, that's enough of the pity party. The kids are feeling better, but still have the runs, and we have been pretty lazy. I have some wonderful news! I am now able to go back to the library!!!!! I was saying to someone that I was going to pay off my 100 dollars of library fines some day and heard that the library got some new system and all old fines were erased! I went down there and sure enough, it's true! I got a new card and a couple books. I got the new Nick Hornsby, "Juliet, Naked." I don't know if I ever talked about my love of Nick here, but he's one of my favorite reads. He wrote High Fidelity, About a Boy, Slam.... and this Juliet book is darn good too. I also picked up a book on Pacific Northwest road trips, so I am busy planning routes and shit.
Anyway, going to bed, so I'll yak at ya later.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Ok, back quickly - the other thing I've been obsessed with is trip planning. Depending on finances, we may go to the Oregon Coast this summer. We've booked some rooms in Newport and Port Orford, and plan to travel to the Redwoods in Northern California. We planned on the Oregon coast a while ago, then suddenly decided we'd do the Black Hills in South Dakota, which we've been to years ago and loved, and then go to New Mexico, which is where I've always dreamed of going, and I planned this ambitious, wonderful route (if anyone wants to go there, let me know and I'll post all the shit you can do there). Then, suddenly, Oregon came up again, and boom, we're going again. As I said, it all depends on money but if we can swing it, it'll be great. It supposed to be amazing. So, each night, just like last year with the Disney planning, I go to bed with my CAA books and plan and plan and plan. I get out of hand. I had us going from New Mexico to a day trip to Tuscon so I could see the... I can't spell it, but the desert with the cactus trees with arms, and then thought what the hell, and had us going 7 hours to San Diego. Then I thought "motherfucker, calm the hell down" and then Oregon came up. And now, my A.D.D. nature is coming out and suddenly I am thinking "gee, we are only 4 hours from San Fransisco, so why not go there, and gee, we would be only a day away from the desert that I love in Arizona...." Yes, it's a sickness. I love the open road, what can I say? Anyway, I have a great Oregon coast/northern California Redwood Forest route planned, as well as a Black Hills/Colorado/New Mexico route planned, AND a Minnesota/Mall of America/Wisconsin/Great Lakes trip figured out - now, if I just had the money to do them all. Motherfuckers, GIVE ME SOME MONEY!
So yeah, that's what I've been up to lately. I ave a road atlas that gives distances between cities in North America, and I just look at the posssibilities. It's sort of sad, but whatever gets you through the night.
Anyway, it's bedtime. I promise I'll post more interesting things soon.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I have no idea how much time I have to write this, so I may quit in mid-sentence. My dearest son has had a week of horrible nights. Ear infection mixed with teething mixed with stomach cramps or something from the antibiotic mixed with who knows what - let's just say that it's been a looooong week come bedtime. Anyway, it's almost midnight and thus almost time for him to wake, as per the pattern this week. Today, he pooped FOUR times, all raunchy, so I know the medicine isn't sitting right. Anyway. Too much info.
Holy, it's been a long time since I've posted. Life's just been crazy busy/stupid/etc. There isn't anything new, really. I started dieting again and I've lost a shitload of weight, but tonight I am cheating worse than Tiger Woods. Yes, who the hell needs 'hos with plastic boobies that let themselves be pissed on (if you don't know what I am talking about, you need to pay closer attention to and the transcripts of Tiger's text messages) when you can have cheap boxed Blush wine and Doritos. But you know what? I deserve it. I've been so good for about 6 weeks, and now I can fit my skinny clothes - my Hollister hoodie, my Hurley t-shirt, and this fucking ugly (according to my wife) Point Zero sweater. Since I turn 40 on Thursday, I think cheating the weekend before should be allowed. Hell, I even decided out of the blue on Thursday evening to fast so I could get bloodwork done on Friday morning, which I did - four freakin' vials they took, but I guess the older you get, the more they test you for. Anyway, I've avoided my yearly physical for 4 years now, so it's time. I think I've also decided that I am getting myself fixed. Or at least that's my thought this week. But you know, I am getting tired and 4 kids is really expensive and it wouldn't be fair to them to bring another one into the mix, so, when you are as crazy fertile as us, I think it best to nip things in the bud. As my doctor said to me once, "you are like me and (Mrs. Dr.) - a wink across the room, and she's pregnant" - they have 5 kids. So yeah, I think some snipping needs to happen. Of course, I may chicken out, but then again, maybe I won't. Hell, I am one appointment away from finally being caught up on all my dental work. On Wednesday, I get my final crown put on, and I am caught up like a regular person. I actually can't wait, because I have this temporary crown on, that they put on a few weeks ago, and it's loose, and I feel sort of like Martha Raye with a caraway seed stuck in her bridgework. I don't even know what that last sentence means, but it sounds good.
What else... hmmm.... nothing exciting to report. My computers are entirely fucked up. My desktop computer is working ok, but still is slow from that weird virus I had, and my laptop needs some new driver, but I don't know what the fuck to do, so I have to run it in safe mode. That would be ok, but I only use the fucking thing to listen to internet radio, and NO audio works in safe mode. I know I've mentioned before, but I am seriously addicted to Casey Kasem's American Top 40: The 80s replays each weekend. I know a list of stations that play them, and I listen faithfully on the internet, but without the portability of the laptop, I have been freaking out. I am trying to find if it airs on Sirius, because I'll buy that shit if it means I can listen to my Casey. Yes, it sounds crazy, and my wife thinks I am mental, but I mean, if something so little can bring me pleasure, what the fuck - i could be spending all my time on snowmobile trails, drinking in small town bars as we ride town to town, and then get my head chopped off as I hit a barbed wire fence. So really, she's lucky. She actually WANTS me to get my constant weekend countdown back, because since the laptop has been without audio, I haven't cleaned the garage. Tonight, the countdown was from 1980. I almost wet myself, and of course, could only listen to about 20 minutes, since I couldn't be glued to the computer.
Whoa, this is so boring. hmm.. noise upstairs... BRB maybe.