Saturday, January 28, 2006

Just listen to the damn song, ok?

Very tired and I am sitting here eating mints by the handful, so I better go to bed soon before my teeth fall out. I have been pouring through the U of S library journal article database for a while and I am getting bug eyed so I thought I would blog for a minute and decompress. What am I looking for, you ask? Well, nosy nellies, I'll tell you about my latest fight against the system. I was reading the paper the other night and there was this letter from this woman stating that she was upset about the lack of discussion about changing the kindergarten here from 1/2 days to full days every second day. So, since I will be a kindergarten parent this fall, I completely freaked the fuck out and lo and behold, there was a "survey" issued on January 24th and had to be in on Jan. 27th which said, basically, there is no downside to all day kindergarten and it's convenient to parents, and to check off if you agree. Well, thankfully I got wind of this on Friday morning, so I got some surveys done and dropped off, along with a letter to the superintendent and a letter off to the paper (they have never published a letter of mine to the paper, and I've written them - this time, I am sure it's because the former editor is a city counsellor now so she's a big wig and her hubby is on the school board, and God forbid they publish anything against her hubby's organization - last time it was because I was critical of the mayor and the owner of our paper and our alcoholic mayor are drinking buddies - remind me to blog about our down syndromed looking mayor and his soon to be ex-wife sometime - it would make your hair curl. Anyway, I am looking for literature that is against full-day kindergarten, and there really isn't any, so I am shit out of luck, I know. However, every principal in the school division will get a letter from me this week, as well as phone calls, and I am going to try to get a petition going. Sorry, but full day is too much transition for me. I don't want to keep harping on it, and my brother and sister in law are both teachers and they think it's a done deal because the school division is notoriously crooked and doesn't give a shit about anybody. But I won't bore you with horror stories about that shit, because who else gives a fuck besides me.....
LOL, well if that wasn't a pity party I don't know what is.......So, today I weighed myself and lost 3 1/2 lbs this week. Then, I didn't exercise (didn't yesterday either), had a salad and a chili from Wendy's for lunch, and then had chinese food for supper, and I pigged the hell out. So, I am not happy with myself right now. We had swimming lessons today, and Rach took Kim, so the four of us are there and it's so much fun. Then Rach and I spent 2 hours in Value Village and I bought so many nice clothes - a whole shitload of Old Navy stuff, and some stuff with tags on. Anyway, we got two huge bags. The kids got really crabby though tonight, like completely hysterical crabby, so it's been a long evening.
Other than that, not much else to report. I sure don't care for this new Trading Spaces without Paige - this show has seen better days.
Oh, I bought the new Rosanne Cash - "Black Cadillac". I urge you all to go buy it. It's all about the deaths of her father, step mother, and her mother, who died on Rosanne's 50th birthday. I never thought she could surpass her last album, Rules of Travel, but baby, she's done it. It's so sad, but beautiful. The title track is my favorite right now - she begins about how it was a black cadillac that drove her dad away when he died, and then she talks about how he used to drive one, and the chorus just grips your heart - this is part of it: "It's a lonely world/guess it always was/ minus you/ minus blood/ my blood..." If you go to it should take you the Black Cadillac promo page and the song sample for the title track is there when you click on liner notes i think - please, for me, just listen to it all the way through, and tell me you don't love it. Just listen, for me... country haters, this means you, because she really ain't country at all. She's actually pretty much almost my fave next to Joni, Stevie, and James, and while she's often bleak, she's honest. You have to hear her album "Interiors" about her break up from Rodney Crowell - she bares it all - the opening lines are something like "we crawled day and night through the tears and debris...." lol, it's really uplifting.... So check her out. And, she seems so normal. She has a monthly mini-blog where she tells of her favorite movie, book, album, but it's hard to find now. The last one though was a little much - shi-shi-poo-poo-ish. Anyway, listen to fucking song, ok? I'll shut up now. But I want you all to listen to the song....
Better get to bed - reading the Tatum O'neal book, and she may be crazy and she was probably medicated on Oprah, but after living with her crazy father, who the hell can blame her. And, she proves the hypothesis that Farrah Faucett is indeed a space alien. She also tells all this weird shit, and she accuses Melanie Griffith of something - for some reason she's in Paris with Melanie when she's 12 or something and they are smoking opium with these other two people and then they all have a threesome, and then somehow Tatum gets dragged in there and gets fondled, and she says she is still mad Melanie never apologized, and right there I am jumping into James Frey/Oprah mode and thinking "how does 18 year old Melanie bring a 12 year old across the border without being stopped" and then later "how does Tatum leave Isreal at 12 and fly to America and has to change planes so often it takes her 3 days and nobody confiscates her?" LOL, if the bitch gets a root canal in the book without freezing, I'm throwing the thing out the window.... .
Oh, one final thing - ran into my friend and old roomie's mother in Value Village - my friend "Ruby" (a different one than the one who made me smoke in B.C.), who I just found out was pregnant a couple days ago, lost her baby today. She was just, just pregnant, and so excited she told everybody, and I feel sick for her. I realize how lucky we've been, Thank God, with having kids. Keryn was conceived the first night we tried, and then Kim took 3 months, which made us panic - we bought an ovulation kit where you spit on this slide and if it looks like a fern, you are ovulating. So it took 3 months for her and then with Brianne, we decided at Valentine's Day, and Rachel was pregnant at the end of the month. So we are incredibly lucky with conceiving and with Rachel carrying the babies... I am always on pins and needles for the first couple months, and I feel so bad for Ruby since this is her first pregnancy....
Anyway, gotta go read the book now - have a great Sunday all.
And that's the rest of the story....

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Each Night I go to Bed I Pray Like Aretha Franklin (or Eat Like her... either one)

Well, another day, another dollar, as the old timer's say. It was pretty much an uneventful day. I slept in as per usual. I swear, I get out of bed later and later each day. I always wake up and debate trying to exercise in the morning, and then say the hell with it and roll over. Anyhoo, today Keryn was supposed to have her preschool hip hop dance class today. So, Rachel's sister took her and her son and the teacher doesn't show up. So, one of the mom's says she knows "Miss Corrine" (as I will call her here) and says she runs this dance studio downtown, so she goes and calls her, and Miss Corrine says no she couldn't make it today and didnt think she could make it "this month". I mean, they started last week, for a 10 week session, and she doesn't say fuck all about not making it last week, and all of these mothers are dragging all of their babies to dance, and I mean, who the hell does this nutbar think she is? I think she just slept in. Last time Keryn was in dance, she did the same thing, by not showing up one week and the excuse was she fell. I think she fell when she got out of bed to answer the phone when the parents called to see where her lazy ass was. So anyway, my daughters are all excited about their dance classes, and this is the same woman who does the ballet on Thursdays that both girls started last week, so if she pulls this bullshit, there will be hell to pay. I already said if she backs out, the city (its a city program) better find a replacement or I will write to the newspaper about the shitty service - they spend a couple million dollars on this stupid performing arts centre that is the biggest waste of space, so they damn well can tap into that stuff and pony up a replacement teacher. So, if Miss Corrine is too busy, well, she can suck my ass, because there are kids who are counting on her. Disappoint my kids and there will be hell to pay.
So that was the excitement of today. The kids were overtired and grouchy tonight but I took Kim to her Time for Twos story thing at the library and that was fun. I am watching American Idol right now and I must admit I am addicted to it already. Way better than last year.
So my dog keeps looking longingly down the stairs and keeps trying to sneak downstairs - the cat box is in the laundry room. I swear, it disgusts me so much. And it's so funny because she looks guilty as sin just looking down the stairs, longing for her cat shit fix. She's like a priest with a pornographic watch, looking and longing on the sly - ok I got that line from Joni Mitchell, but it fits.
I am downloading some Scritti Politti right now - I own the cd but I am too lazy to find it. I really liked that album, Cupid and Psyche 85 - pure pop 80s new wave style. It also contains one of my favorite lines, in the song "Wood Beez" - each night I go to bed I pray like Aretha Franklin. Isn't that the cat's ass?
So I am just rambling - let me Ramble On.... I've had that Led Zep song in my head forever, don't know why. Oooh, this chick is singing "Cowboy Take Me Away" by the Dixie Chicks right now, and I must admit I fucking love that song. You know, I used to HATE country music, but there is some I really like - I like the Dixies, Chad Brock, Tim McGraw.... really like McGraw, and I even own 3 cds of his. And Red Ragtop always makes me so sad. I also have this thing for Mary Chapin Carpenter - Come On Come On is one of my favorite albums. And then there is Rosanne Cash who now comes in right behind Joni, Stevie, and James Taylor as my favorite. She is amazing. If you don't have Rules of Travel, you don't have a complete music collection. Go buy it or order it from the library. The title track is amazing... AMAZING (I am stressing that in an Angelina Jolie creepy-ass way).
So anyway, this is a boring free for all, isn't it? I am just typing whatever comes into my head. I am reading the Tatum O'Neal book right now. It is so good, I can't put it down, but there isn't enough hours in the day to read. Usually just 20 minutes at bedtime.
So back to smoking.... As you can tell, I loved smoking. Nothing was better when drinking, or having coffee, or talking on the phone, etc. I was always careful not to smoke too much though, because I didn't want to be a chain-smoker. Also, it was always hard to afford smokes as a teenager. I remember splitting packs with people, or buying Peter Jackson brand because it was cheaper, and obsessing about how many smokes I had left and if I would be able to make it through the night. I only tried to quit once - I was visiting some friends in North Battleford for a week in grade 10, and I couldn't smoke there, so I went the week without smoking - 10 days in fact, but as soon as I got back to school, I announced I quit, and Margo shoved one of her big rollies in my mouth and boom, I couldn't resist. So then, luckily for me, I ended up meeting Rachel, a non-smoker, so I was always careful not to stink or not to smoke too much around her. When we bought our first house, I made the decision to smoke outside. I remember that was such an odd concept to me just 10 years ago. When Margo moved to Calgary, her mother wouldn't let anyone smoke in the house anymore and she got caught having a puff at 6 a.m., and that's pretty much what made her move out. I just remember thinking her mom must have been mental to make people smoke outside... lol, I was a product of the "smoking with your kids with the windows done up". Rachel was very good with me smoking, only asking me "are you ever going to quit? when?" and it wasn't until I had kids that I got motivated to do so - I loved it so much. I smoked until Keryn was 1. When she was a year old, we went out to B.C. and we stopped in to see Ruby in Chilliwack. Ruby had just quit smoking and I kept thinking "if she can quit after smoking since she was 12, maybe I could too" but at the same time I was thinking "sure, get me hooked, bitch, and then you quit.... that's real nice". But anyway, it was that summer when I was thinking that I really needed to do it because I kept looking at my beautiful family and pictured the hurt that it would bring if I was no longer there because of smoking. And I kept thinking that if I was diagnosed with cancer or something, and then looked back and thought it could have been avoided by something just as simple as not smoking ,then I would be a fool not to stop. So, I made a secret Dr. appointment with a new doctor to get zyban. Of course, the doctor had to cancel the appointment and Rachel got the call, so my secret was out. So I got zyban and decided to take it on my holidays, but in the meantime, I got freaked out which made me do it on my own. Margo was in town and we were going to meet her at the casino. So, I remember this so well - I picked up fast food from Burger Baron, which was always so greasy, and wolfed it down, and then stopped at the store for smokes where I ran into "the whore" (see early posts for her bio) and talked to her a bit, and then left for the casino. Well, my chest was getting tight and sore and my arms were hurting and I was convinced I was having a heart attack. I didn't tell anyone then, and indeed this is the first time I ever told anyone. It was just obviously grease overload from the meal, but it scared the living shit out of me, and I kept picturing Keryn and Rachel losing me and I just freaked. So, that was actually the last pack of smokes I bought. Two days later, I had my last smoke at midnight. We went to bed, and took the dog pee and I hadn't smoked all day, and had one to take the edge off, and the next day I thought screw the Zyban, just see if I can go a day or two without smoking. I know nobody thought I could do it, but I just went day by day and never smoked again. I had withdrawal I am sure - 9 days after quitting, I puked for the first time in 17 years (that wasn't alcohol related), and I am sure it was from not smoking.
It was a huge sense of loss not smoking, though, and almost 4 years later I still feel it a bit. No more hanging out with the smokers at work, no more social smoking mingling, changing of all routines, no smoke reward.... I began craving strange cigarette brands, and to this day, I can taste Export A Medium (the blue ones) which I haven't smoked since I was a kid, but if I could fall off the wagon, it would be those ones I'd smoke.
So there was loss, but so much gained. I feel better, I am saving money, and most importantly, it's for my family, so I never will put my love ones through a preventable illness or death due to smoking. And I know that people don't quit until they themselves are ready and nagging will only make it worse. I so understand that. But at the same time, I want everyone to quit. If I can do it, so can you. And I don't want to lose any of the people I love for something so needless and useless. I am also fed up to here with Joni Mitchell's chain smoking. She's defeated. So, I don't want to nag, but c'mon, try to quit, smokers. Margo, this means you too - you are in such a good place right now, and have someone wonderful to share everything with, so think about it, ok? You are a tough broad, you can do it - do it for yourself, for Rochelle, for me, and for the dogs.
Ok, off the soapbox.I will never mention it again.
Postscript: Ruby started smoking again and still does as far as I know. Sheena sadly passed away at age 32 - not exactly sure how it happened - she had leukemia or something as a kid, but not sure if that was what did her in.
Well, sorry for the rambing and boring crappola. I better get my ass to bed. I have to put a band aid on my thumb - Iwas trying to take a staple out of a shirt from Value Village (yes, we shop there regularly - we're addicts) and it got stuck in my thumb, and being the paranoid pete that I am, I keep wondering when my last tetanus shot was, and I am afraid I will get poisoned or something..... the smoking didn't kill me, but the staple from Value Village did.....
Have a good Hump Day, peeps.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Don't Smoke in Bed Part One

Ok, Canadian election is over, and we have a Conservative minority government. Of course, I am disappointed, but at the same time, whatever. I am terrified of Stephen Harper and everything he stands for. Sorry, I see him as a bigot, a religious zealot, anti woman, anti choice, latently in love with George Bush, and all in all a dangerous motherfucker. I am so disappointed in the western provinces, because this Bible belt that spans the west supports this agenda of hate. However, as it is a minority government, at least he won't be able to do fuck all and hopefully they'll topple sooner or later.
So that's all I will say about that. LOL, boy, this sure is an up post, isn't it? Anyway, I've been thinking about smoking (not actually doing it, but the act of it) lately, and then boom, I just checked Roxanne's blog, where she talked out it too, so I want to weigh in. I am not lying - last night I was thinking about smoking and thought to myself that I should blog about it, so here goes.
I grew up in a house of smokers. My parents smoked, one of my sisters smoked, and most of my parents' friends smoked. However, I absolutely hated smoke when I was a child. I was so freaky about it, I wouldn't even touch a pack of cigarettes. If someone asked me to pass them their smokes, I couldn't do it. I was so weird (like you all haven't figured that out already) that if cigarettes or matches were on the table, I'd freak out and make my parents move them before I would eat. I'd crack open windows when they'd smoke, and was just militant about it. Of course, it didn't matter - nobody quit from my urging. I remember driving from B.C. to Alberta or Saskatchewan 5 or 6 times a year, always with windows up and my parents smoking like chimneys..... it is funny how that was normal then. Anyway, my dad eventually switched to a pipe which was even worse, but that's another story. So I swore I'd never smoke or try it. You know, I probably never would have either, except I was forced into it. I remember the first time I tried smoking (I am having deja vu, so if I blogged this before, well, suck it up), it was a Sunday morning in July. I was 10 years old. My parents had all of these people over for breakfast I think, because it was the annual Chilliwack curling bon spiel, and while my parents didn't curl, all of these prairie people would come they knew, and their friends curled too, so it was this big drunk basically, if you want the God's honest truth (of course, you could never say that to them, but whatever). So, they had all of these people over and they were going to the rink all day, and so me and my next door neighbor (let's call her Ruby) were left to our own devices. Ruby was my best friend and she practically lived with us, because her parents curled all the time at odd hours so she always stayed at our house. We were inseparable, but she was bossy and I always caved. Well, this neighborhood kid, let's call her Sheena, was there too for some reason (i don't remember why) and the grown ups left for the day, and we were sitting on our deck and Ruby says how her and her cousin found a pack of Craven M smokes at the playground and they smoked them and they tasted like mint. So she says we should all try smoking and I freak out and yell and it was like the only time I ever asserted myself to her because I was a doormat for some reason, but I think she basically told me to stop being a pussy and began digging through the coffee can of cigarette butts sitting on the deck which for some reason (which I never fully understood either) my parents always dumped ashtrays into. She kept saying we all had to try it and Sheena was a big old lump and couldn't say no either (Sheena always reminded me of Blubber from the Judy Blume book). So anyway, Ruby tells us how to smoke these butts and so I remember clearly praying silently and saying "I am sorry Jesus" and tried it... and then I started gagging, and since I had this horrible fear of vomiting (it was a neurosis with me, I'll post on that freakiness some other time, but I think it is the root of my panic disorder later in life), I knew it was my punishment for doing this. It was horrible and we kept trying, and I just hated it. So, Ruby says we need Menthol smokes because they taste like a mint, and so we pool our money (95 cents was all we needed) and went to the store and she bought a pack of Cameo, because they had a green package. So we went down to the slough, and again I was almost in tears about it, but she kept telling us to suck on them unlit, and yes, they tasted like mint. And then we started smoking them, and suddenly I got the hang of it and voila, I had this wave come over me like "this is what my hands were meant to do." I was 10 years old. Me, who never would touch a cigarette before that day was sucking them back and lighting them one off the other. We went through that pack and then walked like 3 miles to the 7-11 but they wouldn't sell us more without a note, so we somehow went somewhere else and got another pack. We smoked that one that day and the next, and then Ruby said she should quit and I said yes, because God forbid I didn't do what she said, and we did quit. My parents smoked these god-awful cigarettes, Matinee Special Filter, which even when I was a drunk teenager dying for a smoke would make me literally gag, so there was no temptation there to smoke. However, every once in a while, I would just go buy a pack and smoke them at the slough, usually with my friend Darren and my friend Steven. Sometimes Ruby and I would smoke together too. We didn't inhale at this point, so that was ok I suppose. However, the next year, we again started smoking, as my sort of girlfriend Delilah smoked and all the bad kids smoked, and we started inhaling we really only smoked for a month or two probably - luckily for me, this is when I ended up moving, so I got to quit smoking again. Sadly, none of my friends did, and they kept smoking - from 12 years old on....
So the next summer, Ruby came to visit for like a month. Of course, she was a smoker by then, and we would go smoke all the time. The freaky thing is that she smoked in the bathroom one day and my mom came to me and asked if I was smoking in the can and I didn't have to hide my habits from her. Now, I admit, I think she was probably drunk, but the fact she said this to me, at 13 years old, blows me away.... So anyway, I didn't really smoke again except when I went to visit Chilliwack, as all my friends smoked. I loved it, but I had some self-preservation in me. It was never about cool, as I always hid it, but it just felt right, right from that day we first tried it.
I didn't start smoking regularly until I was going into grade 10. I wasn't a heavy smoker, but I felt it was acceptable then to smoke at that age without looking like some juvie, so I jumped back in. I loved smoking. In high school, my favorite brand was du Maurier light king size, but I also loved menthol cigarettes, and I can, to this day, remember what all different brands tasted like. I actually would buy 100s when I could, even though they were so gay looking, just so that I could get extra smoking time off of them. Margo rolled her own, and they were so tight they were like 3 hour logs, which was great when you were drinking.... anyway, I loved smoking..... but then it became an addiction.
Part two will be tomorrow, gotta go to bed....

Friday, January 20, 2006


Yada yada yada.... it's the weekend - praise Jesus. The day began with a can of diet coke exploding in the car. I left a can in there last night and didn't park in the garage, and of course it was colder than a witch's titty here last night, so after I stumbled out of bed and went to start the car this morning, I see this shit all over the damn place and couldn't for the life of me figure out what the hell happend, and then I saw the mangled corpse of the Diet Coke can. It was in the cd player, on the roof, on the dash, all over the seats..... it was so stupid. But you know, if that's the worst thing that can happen to you in a day, well, I can't explain. I am so tired today, so this will be short. Oh, I forgot to post my embarassing moment with the telemarketer the other day. You see, when people talk with an accent around me, I accidently pick it up. Case in point which I posted here before - our southern friend Lynne from North Carolina had this real southern voice, and as I was walking with Sharon one day, I saw Lynne and I guess I just put my hands on my hips and yelled "well, hiiiiii Lynne!" in this southern accent. So, don't mean to do it, but I just do. Well, the other day, this telemarketer from Amex calls trying to sell me some insurance, and he was East Indian, and I was being nice but then he got really pushy, so I just held the phone away from me and I said in what I thought was an English accent "no thank you, I am not interested today" or something, and I hang up. Well, Rach is looking at me like I am crazy, and tells me no, you weren't British, you were East Indian. Well, I was mortified. My life is a Seinfeld episode.
Well, bedtime for me. Have a good Saturday.

Thursday, January 19, 2006


Well, I'm sitting at home watching Arsenio Hall, picked up my black book for a freak to call.... wait, ok, no, I am actually lying in bed right now. Those with a keen ear will recognize the first sentence of this post is from 2 Live Crew's "Me So Horny" circa 1990 or so. I have had that stupid song in my head today and I don't even really care for it - too 90s, and unlike the 80s that I worship, the 90s suck. So anyway, the mention of Arsenio made me think of something Howard Stern said once that made me laugh my everloving ass off. He was talking about how horrible Arsenio was and he called him Asskissio, and honestly, wasn't that the truth. He had his nose so far up his guests' asses, he could see what they ate for lunch. I just couldn't stand him - I'd have rather watched Meshack Taylor or however you spell it - the dude from Designing Women who looked like Asskissio - and I couldn't stand him either. Of course, I also couldn't stand Dixie Carter from Designing Women either - well, now that I think about it, they were all damn annoying, and you just want to scream "It's pronunced SHAR-lene, not CHAR-Lene...." Oh, I am on a rant, nevermind. Sorry, I am overtired and I had an extra large Tm Horton's coffee late this afternoon and then a Biggie Diet Coke from Wendy's, so I am hepped up. I just took 2 Gravol to help me sleep, so it should kick in soon, and I will drop this post like a hot potato. So anyway, now that I expressed my disdain for Asskissio and those Sugarbaker ladies, I have nothing to say. I had to go to Saskatoon for training today and I was a total complete fucking moron. We had this huge freezing rain storm on the weekend all throughout the province and the roads still aren't stellar, and even though I have travelled in really shitty weather, and in my other job would think nothing of driving to Regina and back 3.5 to 4 hours each way) in a day during the dead of 40 below winter, I was having a mini anxiety attack all the way to Saskatoon, and that's only 70 miles. The roads were slippery in spots and frosty, and I was driving 90 km and had old ladies passing me and I wanted to turn around and go home but couldn't find a turn off.... it was so stupid. But alas, I made it, and going home wasn't bad at all really. So after my meeting, I stopped at Old Navy as usual and thank Sweet Jesus we don't have one here because I would be extra broke. Seriously, I am like some nut job when I get in there. I got there at 4:00 and I wanted to be on the road and home before it got completely dark, so I was running around in there like those people on the Price is Right who have to put the prices on the prizes and pull the lever - you know the game. Anyway, good sales on men's stuff, and I love their clothes. I used restraint though since I am broke as a motherfucker and just bought a vest on clearance and an outfit for Brianne. So anyway, that was my day.
Hey, remember way back when when I posted that I have always thought in "Hotel California" that they were singing "on a dark desert highway/combing my hair", even though I have owned that album since I was 8 years old? Well, another one for you - On American Idol, they had all these rejects singing Lady Marmalade, and even though I have never known the words, I didn't know it went "Creole Lady Marmalade" - I thought it was something like "see old lady Marmalade" or something like that. Maybe I am like Homer Simpson and have a crayon lodged in my brain making me dumb or something.....
It's good to have Idol back, but funny to watch Paula, because these dudes will be singing to her and I kept saying "she's into it, she's getting wet" and I know that's crass and vulgar, but I mean, she was all squirmy and she knows she can't dip into the contestant pool anymore after that ugly guy ratted them out, so it's sad in a way, really..... And Randy, you know, I can't even really notice he had the stomach surgery - something is wrong there. And while I am being petty and stoned on Gravol (it's kicking in now like you wouldn't believe), I am sorry, but Starr Jones lost too much weight and I just can't wrap my head around her looks - froglike. It's a shame really. Did you ever see the Simpsons where they spoof the View? They did Starr really good.
So anyway, I ain't no prince charming, so I shouldn't talk. I am still dieting, but I just ate like 400 calories before bed. I had like a 1/4 of a container of the Superstore chocolate gelato. No fat, but lots of calories. It is so good, it tastes like liquid cocoa, but you have to be a fan of dark chocolate I think to really get into it. Anyway, I profess to lose these last 26 lbs this year, and damnit, I will do it. I want to start working out with weights but have nobody to do it with nor do I want to go to the gym and look like a fucking mental person because I don't know what to do. But anyway, that's neither here nor there.
So anyway some more - Keryn and I did the swimming lesson on Saturday and it was cool. She got scared at one point and cried but she recovered. It's cancelled this week, but we go for 10 Saturdays. The pool is really freaking cold though so she was almost blue and shivering. It's fun though, and mostly all dads with their kids so that's a nice change from dealing with all the bitchy Wisteria Lane moms I encountered when we did library story time. Our kids are into everything. Tuesday, Keryn has her hip hop dance class, then in the evening Kim has Time for Twos at the library story time, Thursday Kim's got gymnastics, then both girls go to ballet together, and then Keryn has library storytime, and then Keryn has gymnastics and Saturday is our swimming. It's freakin' busy!
Well, what else can I say? My dog is still eating cat shit. It is so horrible to even admit..... but otherwise, she's settling down.
So, I suppose I better get my flat ass to sleep. It's midnight now. I will talk to y'all later.
I am really stoned now - I feel like Liz Taylor again - hell, maybe even Courtney Love too.
Oh, and one more thing since I am feeling snarky - good old K-Fed - Britney Spears' hubby - have you ever seen a bigger arsehole? Those two prove you can have a fortune, but the trailer remains in your blood forever - or as Angelina Jolie would say, FOREVER!
Oh, and speaking of the weird one, remember the whole "I am so in love with my brother right now" speech at the Golden Globes a couple years ago? It got my thinking that maybe her relationship and upcoming child might just parallel Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' relationship - perhaps Angelina is really shacked up with her brother and is using Brad as a beard, and he is going along with it because he wants Cambodian kids and voila, there is Maddox. Because we all know Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes aren't real. I ain't no Rona Barrett, but I am pretty sure the boy is strictly into boys who like L. Ron Hubbard, and Katie needs to get her star power going. I bet all those fucking Scientologists are gay or something, because look at them - Parker Stevenson, Kirstie, Travolta... all have a deep down creepy vibe that makes their marriages themselves feel creepy and not quite right. And face it, they are loonier than the Moonies.... Ron Thomas responded to a rumour that he and Tom Cruise were in love and he said "I am more offended that they thought I was a Scientologist" - that made me laugh.
Oh, and Lisa Marie Presley is one too I think - and I mean, she claims she consumated her marriage to Michael Jackson, which, I mean, makes me want to vomit even thinking about - she coulda accidently knocked his frigging nose off if it got wild.
Ok, really going to bed - The Golden Globes are over y'all y'all y'all!

Saturday, January 14, 2006

If Angelina was in my attic, I'd fumigate

Angelina Jolie scares the living shit out of me - ever since we read this Rolling Stone interview a couple years ago with her, when she was talking about her love of knives and hurting herself and others and how her and Billy Bob wore vials of each other's blood around their necks, and she was all "it represents we are together forever... not just forever, but FOREVER!!!!" and that cemented her crazy nutbag nature in my mind. And while I don't want to be judgmental because that is a resolution of mine, she did indeed have an affair with Billy Bob when he was engaged to Laura Dern and I think they were like married by the time Laura found out, and then the whole Brad and Jen thing - she's just a black widow, and she's strange and boring and greasy and gross. I know Margo will argue that she's beautiful, but if you mix her looks with her personality, you end up with trash, sorry. Weird, not interesting trash, either.
It's Saturday morning and I miss the Schoolhouse Rocks of my youth - I am feeling nostalgic yet again..... I don't like the new Scooby Doo - it's too scary and gross for kids, even though Natalie from Facts of Life is the voice of Velma. We have season one and two of the original and my kids love it. Oh, Did I tell y'all that my kids love the Brady Bunch. In fact, Keryn wants to watch it all the time, especially the Hawaii vacation one where they find that bad luck charm that is taboo - remember? Well, she's my kid allright - full of quirks. You see, I've been obsessed with BB since I was a kid, and now so is she. She can sing the theme, recite dialogue... lol, she's so my daughter. Oh, and she's got this other strange quirk of mine - she's got this thing for attics. You see, where I lived as a kid, there were no old houses, so I always thought it was neat when I saw these spooky attics full of junk in movies and always wanted one. Then, when we moved here ,there were tons of old classy character houses with attics, and I always wanted to go in a see an actual attic - LOLOL, oh I sound so strange don't I? Anyway, we lived in this old house, built in 1929, but it didn't have an attic you could go in, but it didn't stop me from looking for a hidden staircase to the, I was bored a lot as a kid. So anyway, to this day, I still will go to an open house if I see it has three stories, and I dream of having a house with a big attic. Well, my daughter is the same - she is always asking when we can clean our attic and when I tell her we don't have one, she looks disappointed, and she loves the Brady Bunch where Greg and Marsha fight over the attic bedroom. So anyway, that's another strange quirk about me - at least I don't wear Rachel's blood around my neck....
Well, I suppose I should get on with the day. I am going to see if I can get Keryn and I into these parent and child swimming lessons that start today - I think she'd get a kick out of it.
Anyway, that's the random thoughts for today.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

James Frey's A million little pieces, Tracy Ulman Broke my Heart in 17 Places, and Kate Bush's Washing Machine.

Yo yo yo, sup all? It's late and I am just sitting here downloading music with my sleeping Keryn beside me and sleeping Rach and Brianne on the loveseat across from me, and so I thought I would say hey. Nothing really to report - just looking for some tunes. Just found "The Unforgettable Fire" by U2, which is my all-time favorite song. Why is it my favorite song? I don't know, but it's been my favorite song since I was 15. So there, a little known fact you didn't know about me.
So right now I am jonesing to hear "Major Tom" by Peter Shilling, and "A Fine, Fine Day" by Toney Carey - I live in the past I tell you.
So the one thing I want to comment on is "A Million Little Pieces." I read the book over the holidays and I couldn't put it down, literally. I stayed up until all hours reading it on Boxing Day and just couldn't stop talking about it. It moved me in so many ways, and it was such a brutal read. I kept thinking "you gotta blog about this". And then, lo and behold, the whole controversy is raging now about how much of it is true. I watched him on Larry King last night, and I've read all six pages on The Smoking Gun, and I mean, it seems like small potatoes, but then again it makes you think, because he sure as hell didn't look like no fucking crackhead in all the pictures they show of him. Ah well, I am sure nobody read it, so I'll just shut up about it. I just can't get it out of my head though, because I read tons of memoirs, and wrote a thesis on AIDS memoirs, and I always wonder what is reconstructed and what isn't, and even though I know that it's always a mix of fiction and truth, it still bothers me - I am stickler for detail, because even when I was reading the book, some things didn't ring true for me, which aren't the disputed things, so now I wonder if that stuff is also not true... anyway, enough of that.
So I forgot to post like I was going to in December about the new Kate Bush CD. So I've been a Kate fan since I was a teenager, and even though she's just a little much, she's still one of my favorite artists, and her last album in 1993, The Red Shoes, is on my top 10 desert island list. So anyway, it was 12 years between albums, and there I was in Future Shop on New Release Day to buy Madonna's new one, and I see this new Kate being unloaded. So, I get the thing home and pop it in. Well, I realized something that evening: There indeed does come a point where certain things you thought were cool suddenly become ridiculous. Now, let me say that this album, after repeated listens, is actually pretty damn good, BUT, on first listen.... the first song was really good and I was busy doing something and not paying attention to the next, and then I realize there is this song playing called "Pi" and I am not really listening to the lyrics but then I hear her warbling all of these numbers and sure enough she is reciting pi. Well, of course I pick up the lyrics after saying "what the fuck is this" to myself and figure out it's about some savant or something who likes numbers and recites pi, and so I thought "well, ok, cool." Then suddenly there is this song on called "Washing Machine" or something, and I swear to's all slow and piano-ey and she's emoting in this emotional, serious voice "WAAASHING....... MA-CHEEEEEEEEN....." and then "washing machine... washing machine.... WASSSHING... MA-CHEEEEEEN" and whereas if I was 17 again, I'd be all "oh, this is so cool and deep and alternative and right on", at 35 I burst out laughing thinking "she's on fucking mars." THEN, she starts saying in a sing-song lullabye "splishy-sploshy....." and I almost convulsed and I thought that it was too bad I didn't smoke pot anymore, because I just pictured Margo and myself sitting around her kitchen table after one of our 4 times a year or so dope smoking dates when we were teenagers, listening to something like that and coughing up a lung from laughter. Oh let me tell you, if you heard that song, you would automatically think what the reaction would be if you were on the old lizard mixture. Anyway, after more listens, I think the song is about a maid or governess or something who must love the man of the house and she can only get close to him by watching her blouse wrap around his trousers in the washer, hence the melodramatic "Washing Machine" cresendo... Anyway, it makes sense in a quirky Kate way, but still.... good grief, on first listen I thought I ain't young anymore and what was once pretentious and serious is damn funny now. LOL, I also must admit Margo and myself both owned a Sigue Sigue Sputnik album and that definitely ain't cool now.....
So anyway, the Madonna review - Confessions on a Dancefloor is actually really good compared to the last few albums of hers, and I love "I Love New York" which has the stupidest lyrics ever, but it's awesome. However, when the reviews all said that she was returning to dance music and her roots, it's only partly true, because it still reminds me of Ray of Light and Music in ways because it's still have more of a techno/electronic feel, which I find a little cold, and I was looking for more of a funky/dancey/80's dancefloor sexy vibe like her debut and tracks like "Burning Up" and "Lucky Star". But, it's still a good album nevertheless. I just find it so hard to get excited about music now, and that's so sad, but I have to quote Courtney Love and her hideous, HIDEOUS cd America's Sweetheart when she sings "When they say that rock is dead, they're probably right....." It's just a pile of crap, no quality, no development, nothing.... video killed the radio star, baby....
So I was just looking for Prince's "d.M.S.R." and found an extended version of "The Beautiful Ones" - man I forgot how I loved that song back in the day.... "baaaaby baaaaaby baaaaaby....." shit, I am just rambling... Hey, why didn't Tracy Ullman ever record another album? Does anyone remember "They Don't Know" from "You Broke my Heart in 17 Places"? Man, she's one funny-ass woman....
Well, I suppose I should get my family and myself to bed.... I am tired but just sitting here trying to think of music and I am too out of it to come up with anything. So, have a great day y'all.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

yeah it's me

Ok, very tired and a slight bit grouchy today. Ok, a lot grouchy, so don’t be expecting anything. Just thought I would weigh in on here since I’ve forsaken the thing since Brianne has been born. There are just not enough hours in the day, and this weekend, when I had the best intentions to catch up, well, that went to hell in a hand basket – why, I don’t know. I can’t even remember the weekend (can you tell the blah mood I am in today?) Anyway, I didn’t take a coffee break and in fact I only left my office once and that was to pee a few minutes ago, so I am taking my break now and just writing so I can post it later.
Let’s see, let’s do the Cliff Notes catch up of the past two months. Last time I posted was after Brianne was born. To answer Margo’s initial inquiry as to why I didn’t make up a pseudonym, well, what the hell for? Who is going to know my kids for one thing, and since the other kids have “Fake” names on here, I can never remember what they are and blah blah blah, and I doubt there is anyone left who will remember to look at this and read it, so whatever. So that’s the answer to that.
Ok, baby recap – Brianne is a wonderful baby. She sleeps quite well at night – always has – and she is the first one of our children who has taken a soother. Let me tell you, what a God send! It makes life so much easier, especially for Rach. Our other two girls would gag and freak out and wouldn’t take a soother under any circumstances, which meant they wanted to be nursed all the time. So, she’s a great baby, and still has blue eyes, which is so funny since mine are brown and Rachel’s are hazel. She’s really strong, and sweet and I am just rambling, so I’ll stop. I STILL can’t post a pic because I still haven’t taken my computer in. I have a virus plus nasty spyware, and so I can’t use it, and it’s where the Picassa thing is to post pics on blogspot, so y’all are shit out of luck for a picture right now. I really will take the computer in… just not this week.
So what else can I tell ya…. Well, my darling wife sort of surprised me with a treadmill for Christmas. So, we got it a couple weeks before the holidays, and so that’s where I’ve been. It’s either time to blog or the treadmill, and since the blog is free and the treadmill was like 1200 smackeroos, I figure I better damn well use the thing. I love it – well, wait, I love it but it’s a complicated relationship we have. It feels so good when it’s done, and at first I loved being on there, but now I am dragging my ass getting on there. However, I am still doing it, and I am up to jogging (yes Margo, I am jogging – who knew I could run?) for ½ hour at various inclines. But anyway, it’s such a good feeling when you are done, and knowing it’s done for the day. My lovely wife also surprised me with a fancy MP3 player for Christmas, so I really got spoiled. Let me tell you, it’s also a Godsend to have when exercising. However, I haven’t quite figured out how to make a playlist on the thing, so it just plays everything in alphabetical order, which can be troublesome when you are trying to stay motivated and running, and you go from something heavy and then the next song is like “Just Remember I love You” by Firefall or something…. LOL, there have been so many times that’s happened and I get so mad I just want to throw the thing across the room. I was listening to the “G”’s last night and it was all going good – “What you Waiting For” by Gwen, “Glad Girls” by Guided by Voices, and even “Give me Tonight” by Shannon – those three have either good, hard-thumping dance beats or rocking guitars, which is suited for jogging, and I was looking at what was next and saw something called “Gold” and thought it was the old John Stewart/Stevie Nicks song (you know – “when the lights go down in the California town, people are in for the evening”) and I thought it had a good bass line to keep me going, but Noooooo, it was some frigging song called “Gold” by Spandau Ballet – remember them? Well, don’t ask me when or why I downloaded that one, but honest to God, I thought I was going to have a Margo-like meltdown. Oh, and for some reason, I have “Tennesee Flattop Box” on there three times, and I mean, wtf? 3 times? So, I have to figure out the playlist and program thing on there to save my sanity. So, other than that, there really isn’t all that much happening. Christmas was good, but I would have liked a longer break. The freaky thing here is the weather. It has been unbelievably warm for the past month. Usually January means 30 or 40 below, but we’ve had one snowfall last month, and then temps freakishly warm since the beginning of December. Seriously, if it gets to minus 10 overnight, it’s a surprise. Daytime highs have been from minus 5 to 0 for the past month. I am absolutely loving this winter. If it stays like this, I can handle the winter. Christmas day was plus frigging 6 degrees…. Unreal.
Yeah yeah yeah, I know this is boring but I just want to get the recap done so I can just ramble in my usual way. Also, I am pooped out. So anyway, that’s all the news that fits.
Did I ever tell you that my daughter’s favorite show is “How Clean is Your House?” which is on W Network – those two British women who go into dirty houses and give the people hell? She freaks out if she misses it. Rach and I are addicted to it too, and “You Are What You Eat”… lol, I am so into my Brit shows I am trying to find a DVD player that will play British DVDS so I can start buying these episodes.
Oh, my dog now has the taste for cat poop. Yes, that’s right – we have to guard the cat box. You can tell how impressed I am about that. But, her training is going well, unless I actually mention it. The other night, I commented that she is trained now and hasn’t had an accident in weeks, and then boom, she drops 400 nasty turds on the kitchen floor. So, I just get that cleaned up and throw her outside and we hear banging and choking and whatnot and we look and the damn cat is on the counter, puking up ham that she stole from said counter, so I basically had to bleach the house down again. Yes, good times……
Well, that’s the news for now.
p.s. Listened to talk radio all day and realized the Conservatives are winning (Canadian election in 2 weeks if any Americans are reading this), and so I am ready to throw up. God help us all if they get in with their hateful platform and their intolerant agenda….. God help us all….. oh I am too depressed to talk about it.
p.p.s. Just went to the store to get another Culligan for my water cooler (I have my own in the office) and saw Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper now in Canada. I almost passed out, grabbed 2 cases, went to the counter and saw a little bottle and grabbed it too, and the woman is all “oh, you’ve tried it?” and I lied and said “oh yeah!” and she said “Well… you sure bought a lot of it…” and I felt like some weirdo…. Lollllll.. but it’s really good, tastes like cherry coke… anyway, over and out for now…
Yours til the bed spreads,