Thursday, July 22, 2010

Ok, so it's been 3 months. But it's been a crazy, hectic, busy three months. When you have 4 kids and a busy job and all that shit, some things fall by the wayside.
Anyway, I am beyond tired. It's almost midnight, I work in the morning, and I have hardly slept the past two nights - I'll get into that in another post - but I thought I'd check in and tell about Vacation 2010. I think I may have said here that we were thinking of taking a trip to Oregon this summer to do the coast. It wasn't as far as our trip to Disneyland last year and we we knew of people who went with their kids who loved it.
So, I booked rooms way back in February, for 6 nights, 4 nights at a nice place in Newport, which is a city of about 9000, and 2 nights in Port Orford, which was like 900 people.
Anyway, as usual, we picked a crazy time to leave - the last day of school. The kids were to pick up report cards at 9:00 and then we were leaving. It was hectic and rushed, and a wild storm in the middle of the night before we left that had 100 km winds blowing for HOURS, but we made it out the door and drove to Havre, MT the first night, where we did nothing other than bummed around their Walmart.
Day Two, we drove through some bizarre little towns and did the 2 hour drive from Havre to Great Falls, where we almost ran out of gas - we coasted in on fumes. After gassing up, we looked for a Ross Dress for Less, our favorite store (for you Canucks, it's owned by Winners and looks like WInners with nicer stuff, and cheap as motherfuckingi borsht). So, we found Ross, went in and shopped like we were on speed, and then headed outta Dodge, through some forest and mountains and then we stopped in Missoula at Costco for a new camera since ours was broken. We ended up staying in C'ouer d'Alene, Idaho, which is freakin' beautiful - it's a well-kept secret.
Day Three, we drove the 30 miles to Spokane, and took a gondola over the falls. Then we kept on going, driving through some really boring parts of Washington which was flatter than North Dakota, and stopped for gas in this one town which smelled like liquid poop. Breathtaking.
Then we drove through the Columbia Gorge, went up a mountain road in search of the "Fruit Loop", a road full of fruit stands that all the travel books said was great. We were there just past 6 so we only found one open, and spent a small fortune on this damned fruit. Then we drove to... Multnomah Falls, or something like that, which is the second highest waterfall in either Washington, America, or the World - I don't really remember. So we hiked around there, and then stopped at a McDonald's play centre, and drove through Portland at dusk, on our way to Woodburn, which looked like 20 minutes south, according to the map. For some reason, my lights weren't working that night, and so I was freaking out on the I-5, but then they started working, and I relaxed. We checked into the hotel in Woodburn at about 10 at night, and I went down to the gas station next door to buy one of those big bottles of Bud Lime for 2 dollars - I swear that thing was almost as big as a 2 liter. Anyway.
Day Four, we got up and went shopping at the outlet mall. We chose Woodburn to stay because they have the biggest outlet mall in the northwest, and the hotel was right next to it. Bitch, it was beautiful, all outdoors, with courtyards and awesome stores. We got a shitload of clothes for the kids, and I got baby boy's haircut, and bought myself a pile of shit, and stopped at the fruitstand outside the mall and bought a shitload of blackberries and strawberries and cherries for a fraction of the Fruit Loop price, and we entered Newport on the GPS and headed on our way. We thought we were just going on the interstate for a few miles, turning right on a highway, and ending up straight in Newport. However, the GPS had other plans, and she had us going the back roads way, including crossing a river on a ferry, driving through farm and wine country, and bitch, it was so beautiful. Then we got on the busy 101, which is like 2 lanes, and stopped for more cheap fruit, and ended up in Lincoln City. We went to the beach there, and then drove the 30 miles to Newport. The beauty of the Oregon Coast is that there are empty beaches everywhere. It's just bizarre. Nobody can own the beach due to an act of congress they implemented in the state, so it's awesome. Anyway, Newport is an actual city, but it's not overly busy. Our hotel was so cool. It was all exterior entrances, which I loved (and which you don't see in Canada anymore), and our room had 2 queen beds downstairs, and then you went upstairs to a loft that overlooked the downstairs, and it had another queen bed. The room also had a glass fireplace, and the entire west wall was a window that led to the deck. It's oceanfront, so all you hear is this wild roar of the sea, and you overlook the steps to the beach, and ocean. The path to the beach was covered with blackberry bushes, and if you've read me long enough, you'll remember my childhood obsession with blackberries. Let me tell you, you can't sleep any better than with the ocean roaring in your ear.
Day 5: We toured around Newport, first heading to the state park right outside town, where we were told were the best tide pools we'd ever see in the world. Bitch didn't lie - you hike down to the beach, which is covered in black cobble stones, and all you see is vast pools of anenomies, purple sea urchins, HUGE fat purple and orange star fish, tons and tons of California mussels, which are in these beautiful blue shells, and sea lions, and seals, etc. Of course, we were so newby that day, we were wearing flip flops and carrying beach bags. I almost bit the rhubarb in those flip flops. Baby boy was scared of the ocean, so I had to carry him. There was this huge, dead sea lion on the beach, which smelled worse than Star Jones' panties after a yeast infection, and they said they were waiting for the tide to take him. Anyway, the tide pools were a highlight.
Then we went down to the harbor, which was way cool, and saw miles of boats, where you could just go down and buy fresh fish and crabs and shit. Newport is the....dungenes... dugness... hell, I can't remember the name... crab capital of the world, so muthafucka, I was in heaven. We went to this cool restaurant called Mo's, and I had what I thought was the best clam chowder in the world, along with a grilled crab sandwich, which almost made me cum in my pants a little, it was that good.
We then went to this gallery and agonized over buying a picture, because we couldn't decide which one we wanted. We opted for the cheaper one, but then realized later we should have got the larger. They are by a Canadian painter, Brett Varney - check him out. I wish we woulda went with the 300 dollar picture... ah well.
I wanted to buy a shirt that said "I got crabs in Newport, Oregon" but realized I couldnt explain it to the kids. I also almost bought this one that said "I shaved my balls for this?" but again, realized that I can't be a vulgar 18 year old either, so I resisted.
The kids, of course, wanted to do the tourist trap shit, like the underwater garden, and the butterfly house, and Ripley's Believe it or Not, and the wax museum, and they loved it. The butterfly house, however, had like 4 butterflies in it, and even the kids rolled their eyes. In the wax museum, the only lifelike one was this Johnny Depp, so I made the wife take a pic with him, pretending she was going to kiss him, even though she thinks he's hideous. However, I said we needed the pic for Chunks, since she is into that gross shit, so we got the pic, but I snapped it too soon, so it looks like she's sniffing him for BO or something.
We spent Day 6 or 7 or whatever I am at now doing more of the same, more tidepooling, hanging out on the beaches, dodging waves. The water is waaaay too cold to swim - on some beaches, you have to wear coats - but the kids loved jumping in the waves as they crashed around their ankles.
We also took a trip to Florence, an hour south of Newport, to visit the Sea Lion Caverns, a cave where you go 250 feet down in an elevator to this cave, where you watch the sea lions in their natural habitat. It's very cool, but again, it smells like Star Jones' ass after a night of beer and Taco Bell, so you need a strong tummy to go down there.
I need to get to bed, but I will finish tomorrow with the trip to the dunes where I thought was going to die, the trip to the south, the redwoods, and beyond....LOL, waaaay beyond, it turns out...
Stay Tuned....