Saturday, June 18, 2011

Goonie effing goo goo

It's so late. I have nothing really interesting to say. I am sitting here, amidst all things fattening. I can't remember if I said that I lost some weight. About 40 some lbs. I've gained about 8 lbs back, with all the craziness lately. And tonight? I just ran into the garage and grabbed a pint of President's Choice Sprinkle Cake (or some stupid name) ice cream and two Bud Lime's. The Mrs. also made her famous taco dip tonight. And there is a bunch of left over Wok Box in my fridge. Whatever. Even fat people need to unwind.
And let me explain WHY I need to unwind. You ever realize that life is going too damn fast? Well, this little vignette will be a lesson to you all. You see, it's been crazy with the kids' activities. As you all should know, I have 4 kids, 10, 7 3/4, 5, and a recently turned 3. The older 3 are all in dance. The older two take ballet and jazz, and the third takes ballet. The oldest girl also is was doing a solo ballet routine this year. All three older kids do "music for young children" or whatever it's called. It's a parent/child deal, and it's an hour a week. Individual piano lessons would be easier on us, but whatever. And child #3 started soccer this year. ANYWAY. Life has been hectic with all of this. The older two are in competitive dance, so we've been travelling this spring and whatever.
So last week, piano was done and then it was the final dance recital last weekend. The year end thing. Saturday was dress rehearsal, which took all day, and then Sunday, they had 2 shows, 2:00 PM and 7:00 PM.
Saturday was a gong show trying to get all of them ready, and Sunday? OY??! The older two had two numbers in groups together, and as I said, the older child had her solo in the evening too. Child #2 was having meltdowns like crazy, which she does when she's tired and stressed, so getting the hair and make-up done on Sun. was challenging to day the least. Anyway, we get there at 1:00 on Sunday afternoon, and I am hot and sweaty and feeling like a ball of shite. Anyway, we go to the show set for 2:00, and our kids are performing at #9, 11, and 22 or something. I feel sort of pukey and so I go to the can and splash water on my face. I come out and get ready to go into the theatre and realize that I can't find my tickets, in my shorts with pockets deeper than Mr. Dress-Up's Tickle Trunk. So I say to Rachel "I can't find the tickets!" and she gives me this look like she wants to take a rusty knife and slowly sever my testicles from my body and shove them down my throat until I choke to a slow, brain-damaged death. However, no sooner do I say this than a man comes up and asks if I lost my tickets and if so, they are by the sink in the men's room. So, crisis averted.
The air conditioning in the theatre isn't working and I am sweating yet again like Frank on Trading Spaces, and by act 3, I gotta get out of there for a bit. So, I go back for the kids, and yada yada, we leave by 4:30 and go pick up McDonalds to eat before the night show. Since kid #4 is with my inlaws, we go there to eat, and kid #2 wipes out in the mud and stains her tights, so it's tense while we try to clean her up.
Long story short, we make it back for the evening performance, but we have kid #4 with us, and he gets crabby and I have to take him out once, where he spills a can of Coke on the carpet, and then I have to take him out immediately before kid #1 does her solo, so we have to watch from the doorway. THEN I say "WHERE THE EFF IS OUR CAMERA" to which the Mrs. says we didn't bring it to the evening, and I say yes we did, because I saw it in the car and didn't want to leave it there, and yada yada. SO. When the kid is done her solo, we run to the box office and someone had turned in the camera and video camera. Crisis averted.
Then when the show is over, it's 10:00 PM. On a school night. I earlier had promised ice cream as a treat, but since it was so late, I asked if it was ok if I bought ice cream for them to eat after they shower. They are fine with that so we pull up to Superstore and I go in and buy a bunch of ice cream and other shit and I get to the cashier and realize I do not have my wallet. I ask her to suspend the order and she gets all cranky and I run to the van to get it, and it's not there. My bank card, my wife's bank card, and all my ID is in my wallet. And it's missing.
So, we dash back to the theatre, and the damn place is closed, and then Rachel calls her folks to see if it's there. Lo and behold, I left it there during our McDonald's pig-out. WHEW.
So that was stress.
And now let's turn our attention to soccer. Kid #3 played the under 6 soccer this year. And loved it. However, it was this "new" way to do it. It was all indoors, it was an hour each Tues/Thurs, and consisted of 10 mins of drills, then a game, then a drill, then a game, etc. The rotation was so confusing, with 16 teams on 8 different fields. And I can't remember if I blogged that the coach showed up 20 mins late for the first game, and never came back? Well, he didn't. So long story short, me and this hard to understand doctor from India took over. He took on the coach duties and I took on the assistant coach shit. SOme weeks he didn't show up, so I was it. I haven't played soccer, literally, since 1978. In short, it was a gong show. But my kid? She's GOOD. Thus the reason we didn't quit.
So anyway, a few weeks ago, the "crazy soccer bitch" as we call her, gave our team the medals for the final night. I told Dr. Apu I would take them. I assumed they were for the last evening, which was Thursday. However, on Tues., I was right cranky. Terribly cranky. So I go and I am doing nothing. Just staying on the sidelines, minding my business, and then I see, during one of the switch times, this team coming towards us, and they had this plastic container WITH MEDALS INSIDE. This was 2 days after the dance gong show, with the missing keys and missing wallet, etc. And then I glance at this schedule and suddenly think THE MEDAL CEREMONY IS TONIGHT!" So at 5:44 PM, I run off the field, towards my wife, on the sidelines, who thinks, literally, as she sees me running, "For Christ's sake, he's got to shit, or he's shit his pants already" (why, I dunno, because I have pretty good bowel control), but I go to her and yell "I think the medal thing is tonight and they are at home!!!" and I run outta the building, all the way across town, which takes forever, get the medals, and make it home.... only to realize that most of the teams have decided to do the medals on Thurs., which is the last night.
But that panic is the shit I've dealt with all week. So if I want to eat ice cream and drink beer and eat Wok Box? Well, goonie goo goo bitch, because I deserve it.
Peace out.