Saturday, September 19, 2009

my love is your love and other whitney-isms.

So I am just finishing the second episode of the Whitney on Oprah interview, and I don't know what to think. You see, I had to watch the first one twice, because my wife fell asleep at the beginning of the 1st one, and I watched anyway, and then we watched it again, and tonight I am on the second one. The first go around, I thought she was bizarre. The second time I watched, she grew on me. The second episode, Whitney was more... I don't know... focused. I am intrigued. I heard "I Turn to You" on Galaxy a few weeks ago, and I sort of stopped what I was doing because I really, really was drawn to it. Anyway, I used to be a huge Whitney fan. I'm talking huge - back in the 80s during my "I want to be black" and wanting to live a united colors of Benetton advertisement period. I still remember when "You Give Good Love" was released, the first single on her first album. I was IN LOVE with it. Again, this was during my black period, and since I always was an old soul and would sit up until 3 in the morning listening to this AM adult contempory station, well, a song like that was like butter.
So, unlike other 15 year old boys who were buying Ygnie Malmsteen and Iron Maiden, I ran downtown to A & A Records and got that tape. WELL. Motherfucker, I loved every song, even though some were cheesy and dorky. I still think You Give.... is one of the best things ever recorded. However, I also was addicted to... LOLOL... go download it, because it's so not something a 15 year old would listen to... LOLOLOL... anyway, I was addicted to "Hold Me", her duet with Teddy Pendegrass. The chorus was him going "I'll hold you, and touch you, and make you my woooommmmmannnn tonight...." and I thought that shit was gold. Between that and my love of Sade, is it any wonder I was single?
Anyway, I would listen to the whole album all the time. And then came her second album, Whitney, with the first single "I Wanna Dance With Somebody". Well, it was a good, catchy song, and she was still so pretty and I ate it up. However, the album disapponted me a bit. Even though it had like 5 singles, like "SO Emotional", "Didn't We Almost Have it All", "Love is a Contact Sport"... LOL, I can't remember what else... anyway, it was good but almost was too commercial, not funky enough, I dunno. Loved it, but it wasn't quite as good as the first for some reason. Then came that other one I really didn't like - I can't remember what it is even called now.... of course, I was also into goth and industrial at this time, but I still loved my old middle-aged lady music too. But then came the Bodyguard. That shit is classic too, like the first album. But there was also Bobby on the picture, and I didn't like that she was running with a hoodlum and wasn't giggling like the How Will I Know Whitney. You see, I just wanted her to be safe and Cosby-show sanitized. And she wasn't that person - she was down and dirty and with Bobby and I wanted the clean Clive Davis version. I hate to admit that now. But it's true - I resented her for not being "Whitney Houston". And when she performed in Saskatoon in 92 or 93, I have it on very good authority that the venue offered her a hair stylist and she yelled "I ain't having no white BITCH do my hair." So I sort of ditched her then. True, I bought Waiting to Exhale, but she was a hard habit to break. Then in 98, when I got married, she had her comeback - My love is your love.... That was a fucking awesome album. But then she married the crack pipe or whatever and I forgot about her.
So now she's back, and I am cheering for her. And I feel ashamed that I wanted her to be the image Arista was selling and didn't want her to be herself. I'm sorry Whitney.
But my only concern is this: when she was talking on Oprah, her voice was so gravelly, and when she sang, there weren't any wow moments. So now I fear her heavy smoking has damaged her voice a la Joni Mitchell. Aretha smokes like 3 packs a day and she can still do it. Stevie smoked 3 packs a day until she was 50 (she quit - yay Stevie!) and it didn't do anything. But Joni? Yikes. Whitney? I'm concerned.
But Whitney, if you ever google yourself, and find this, let me say this: I am sorry for ever callouslly making fun of your life, and for wanting you to be who you weren't. I hope you make music for many more decades. But quit smoking, ok?
ANy of all y'all ever liked Whitney like me?
I am dying to hear "You Give Good Love" right now... but the Cosby show is on right now, coinkydinkily, so I'll just listen to Theo and Cockroach try to rap.
Peace out, mofos....

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Pizza Hut, Midgets, and everything in between

Well, I should be in bed but I am not. Since Chunks blogged twitter-style tonight, so will I:
Spent the day shopping and cleaning. It was beautiful out - only 23 degrees or something but felt a whole fuck of a lot hotter. Blue sky, warm breeze... would have been great lake weather, but we had things to do. We went to the farmer's market this morning to get some fresh veggies and ran into everyone and their frigging dog there - people we never see! So it was sort of nice - it was like being at Cheers, but outdoors.... I bought a shitload of carrots, some onions, some potatoes, some pickled carrots, since we aren't canning anything this year, some corn, a rutabaga.... hmmmm.... I am sure there was more.
Then we ran to Safeway to buy floor cleaner, since they are the only place that carried the stuff we like. I grabbed a pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks and then we went to the Co-op with all 4 kids and bought 350 dollars of groceries. Then we ran to Canadian Tire for something and Rachel ran in and I went and bought the kids hamburgers from some group selling burgers outside. The burgers were so burnt that nobody could eat them. A fucking travesty, it was.
We then came home and spent what felt like hours putting the groceries away, and then we began to clean up - the house is gross right now. So, finally, we get most of the upstairs done, and then at 6:30 I ran out to go clean at the office building we clean on the side, but first I stopped at Walmart to buy lotion for my wife, breast pads, a furnace filter, and some Old SPice Body wash. My wife has been as stressed as I've been lately, so I bought some nice Lavender lotion and planned to give her a non-sexual massage tonight. I then ran into an old friend in the parking lot, someone who I always seem to run into while shopping, and she talks a mile a minute and its always "have you seen so and so?" and I say no, and she says "me either". Margo, it was "Veronica". She is now on FB and says "that Helen Keller thing you said, I laughed so hard, because it was like I was waiting for you to say that, because it was so you." I didn't know how to take that, but I assume it was a compliment? Anyway, she has more money than I have productive sperm, and God knows my loins are swimming, so that ultimately makes me jealous, but whatever. So I finally escape and go to clean my office building and I am sweating like that old fat feminine fellow from Trading Spaces... Frank.... I dunno what the hell was wrong with me. So then I ordered Pizza Hut for the fam, and spent a small fortune on it, and went to buy some sparkling wine for my wife, hoping she'd have a drink and relax, and then got the pizza, came home, ate, showered, watched the new Project Runway - watch it with me this year people - and then gave my wife a non-sexual foot rub and leg massage and watched Moving Up, and here I am.
Oh, I did go out for a while last night. Our friend who lives across the street - I don't know what we called her on here - Bardot I think - was having a party. You see, I've known her since I was 15 and we keep crossing paths. We were never really friends in high school - I mean, we were friendly, but for some weird reason, we started writing each other letters after grad, and she moved away - again, I don't know why, and she's been all over the place - lived in Europe, Peru, Cowtown for a couple years, Regina for a few, and we would keep in touch on and off. Then when I quit my last job, she moved to town and weirdly enough got my exact position and my old office. Anyway, so now we have all the same work friends becuase of that, and she just quit that job too, a few weeks ago, and she had a party with all of them last night, and coincidentally enough, she also lives across the street from, i do not make this up... so i went over for a few beers with the old coworkers and it was fun.
What else.... OH, I have a funny sex story, but of course I can't tell all y'all. But when it happened, Rachel was all "oh, that's funny, too bad we can't tell anyone."
I am watching that show with the midget that looks like Chunks, if she was washed in hot water and put in the dryer. God, I love these two.
Oh, when I got home last night after the party, La Toya was on 20/20. Her surgery is so odd... she's got this odd point on her chin. But you know something? Even back in the day when she'd rat out her family to the media, I still thought she was telling the truth. I think she still is. In a weird way, she's like the normal Jackson. I would say Reebie was, but she's a Jehovah like Katherine, and I just can't trust those folks. Sorry to my big JW following, but that's how I roll.
Another episode of those midget couple is on right now - do you think I'd be the type to hang out with midgets I hated just because they were cool? I am afraid I would be, deep down. Well, I love these two people, but I mean, I could see myself be all "oh, Kato and Jessica Hawn, please, come sit down! Monica Lewinsky! You got a little something on your dress there - ha ha ha!" Yeah, I'm a celebrity whore, I think. Well, unless it was someone really stupid. Oh who am I kidding.....I almost peed in my jockeys when we saw Georgette.
I hate to even say this.... hate to say it... but I craved smoking tonight. You see, after I picked up the pizza on the way home, I knew my lovely would want some pepsi, and so I ended up at this store in this area I don't even live in, and saw a group of these teenage guys walking, and it's darker than dark, and I thought "fuck, they can't even get smokes without ID now" and I had a flashback to Septembers 20-some years ago, walking around with friends in the dark, enjoying our freedom, smoking freely..... and I remember the smell and taste and the great feeling in the hand. And I hate that I remember smoking in fond terms.... because that's sick, right? But really, it was a great comfort and friend for years.... shit, I'm judgmental one second, and like a crackhead the next. I hate my weaknesses.
Anyway, I have nothing to say. I think I am going to check FB and head the hell to bed.
Have a great week, y'all.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Shit, it's been a long time, hey? Anyway, my life is crazy right now - with my work, this is the busiest, craziest, stupidest time of year. I forget each year how awful it is. Add to that my secretary retiring last week after 7 weeks of holidays, and getting duties from two people who left our organization, and, well, you feel insane. It's like "put out fire, wait for the next one, repeat." Seriously. Rachel goes back to work right away - only Tues/Wed/Thurs, so it's not horrid, but she wants a bunch of chores done first, so we are busy here, and the kids started school, and dance, and piano, and well, everthing is go, go, go. So I am tired. I look like absolute hell - fat and puffy and tired looking. I got to get it together again.
Anyway, I'll just point-form this:
Not too much to report from the summer. Weather sucked. Cold, wet, blah blah blah. Still, we managed to go to the lake quite a few weekends. Other times, we drove to this lake 20 minutes away for a swim. I took one Tuesday off on impulse and we drove 2.5 hours away to a lake I would go to every summer as a child. It's a really small lake, and it's partially dried up, but it was wonderful. I want a cabin there. I was really sentimental, and I found some old friends of my parents, who live in Olds, AB, now, and went to say hello. It was cool. Kids loved it and ask every weekend if we can go back. Rich people, throw me money so I can get a cabin there.
We also went to North Dakota in the middle of August to go back to school shopping. Again, the kids loved it and ask each week when we can go back. Dollar was good, Supercenter Walmart is even better, and we shopped like mofos - we have this new love of all things America. Anyway, we stocked up on the usuals - cereal, pop, toothpaste, and condoms - all varieties that we can't get here. In fact, we ended up bringing back like 300 dollars of groceries. Anyway, everything was cheap, the zoo was cool, the hotel pool was awesome, and the kids want to go back. All in all, a good time.
What else.... OH! So before we went, we were in Saskatoon for the Fair, and I forgot my book, so I impulsively bought that Julie and Julia book at London Drugs, not expecting anything wonderful, since the cover had that square looking chick on it, and Meryl as Julia. I really do respect Meryl Streep because she isn't all Hollywood, but sometimes she annoys me. Well, the book ROCKED. Nothing like I imagine the Nora Ephron movie to be like - I am imagining it's sappy as all hell. The book, I am happy to report, so isn't sappy. This Julie woman is funny as all hell, and not sappy, and is as sarcastic and funny as us. Seriously, we all could hang with her. Indeed, we all could turn our own shit into a book deal. I'm telling you, read the book - it is so funny. So then in Minot, I picked up the Julia Child book too, her life in France, and it's actually really good too. But yeah, read the Julie/Julia project book thing.
In case you don't know, the book is about this chick, Julie, who, for reasons I don't actually get, decided to cook every recipe in Julia's Mastering the Art of French Cooking, over a year. The recipes are horrible - always involving brains and butter and bone marrow. So then one night I had the "aha" moment and proclaimed "I will do a blog project too!" Immediately, I thought "I'll cook the Joy of Cooking" and then said hell no because that shit is full of rabbits and shit. Then I thought "I'll try out all of The Joy of Sex!" probably because I was horny, even though the pictures of the book are full of these dirty looking hippies. But then logistics came into play, like the fact that I am not flexible, so I don't think I could manoever some of those positions, and also I don't think Rachel would want me blogging about that. So then I thought I would cook all the recipes in my mom's favorite cookbook, but when I looked at it, I thought "I'd have to make a whole shitload of cake icing and such, and why the hell would I do this? What would it prove"? I mean, at least the sex book would be fun. So then I thought "I'll read all the old Victorian 19th century novels, and give a synopisis of them, maybe read through all of Dickens or something first" but then again, I thought, what the hell for? I want to learn to run, so I thought maybe I could turn that into a project, but again, why? So, I dunno. Suggest something. Read Julie/Julia and then suggest something. If only I still smoked - then I could spend a year trying out freak cigarette brands like Belvedere and Sweet... Corporal or Capital or Corpatal or whatever the fuck they were called.
What else - Aug. 15th marked the year anniversary of my mom dying. I avoided it - I was in North Dakota in a cold hotel pool when the exact time came. I still am not ok, I have to say. I don't weep at the drop of a hat anymore, but then I'll do something like I did at the lake last weekend, which was listening to "Good Mother" over and over again and sobbing. I dunno - I know grief is a process, but nights are still hard. But you know, I had a good mother, and her voice IS what keeps me here..... and even reading something funny like Julie/Julia is hard because she would have loved that book. She loved Chelsea Handler too.... God, I miss her.
Anyway, speaking of books, Kathy Griffin's book is out and I don't have it yet! Please say all y'all saw Jimmy Kimmel last night when she did the Kate Gosselin thing - fuck me up the arse with a chainsaw, that was some funny shit.
I have to admit something - I don't floss nearly enough. Do you?
SOmething odd has developed with me - I gag when I brush my teeth now, especially in the morning. It's terrible - I have a fear of the dentist now more than ever - it's not jus psychological, it's physical too.
I went to the Dr. and got some Ativan. You know how I like to have it just because? I got 28 of them. I also got a bunch of skin tags burned out of my armpit with liquid nitrogen, and the fuckers turned red and swollen and I had to hold my arm out like I was doing some sort of jig for a whole week, and the fuckers didn't fall off - they just healed, bigger than before. Yeah, that's my life.
What else..... whoever thought of these swiffer commercials, with the angry, jilted mop driving around to "Love Stinks" was a fucking genius.
Well, as you can tell I have nothing to say. So, I'll just go now and hang out on FB or something.
TTYL, mofos.