If You Are a Jehovah's Witness, Don't Read This

Quick rehash of the pat few days before I go to bed - I am exhausted, and it's finally cool in my house, so I will be able to sleep. Anyway, Thursday morning was funny. I was getting our alarm system installed, and these two clean cut young fellows were doing it, and they were all polite and stuff, and so the one is putting in the door thingy on the door leading to our garage (which is right next to our front door - they are side by side). Well, the doorbell rings, and I've got the kids all over me and the dog freaking out, and it's this fucking Jehovah's Witness woman, this older woman who was all dolled up. Now let me back up first by saying that we get TONS of visits from them. TONS! You see, the people we bought our house from are Jehovah's, and I am pretty sure that they sic these people on us. It turned out that the guy's friend was this dude Rachel went to school with, so as soon as we moved in, this dude's mother was at our door trying to convert us, and then different ones came, and blah blah blah. Anyway, everyone comments on how odd it is that we have so many. Well, I am always polite to them and take the shit, because I actually get a kick out of reading the Awake! It's sorta funny with how hokey it is. But anyway, I should also back up and explain that the guy we bought our house from works for the City as some kind of foreman or something. Rachel's dad works in the finance department for the city, so he has known this guy forever, and Rachel's brother also works for the city, so he knows him too. Well, turns out that my nephew, the one who lives across the street, works for the city as a seasonal worker, and he worked for this guy for a few weeks this spring. So this guy, let's call him Lenny, takes a shining to my nephew because he's a nice clean cut kid. My nephew is the son of my born again sister Libby, who has this thing against Jehovah's, let me also mention. Well, as it happens, Lenny used to own my sister's house too - he lived in her house for years, built our place across the street, and now he's off in the country. So, he had the house in common with my nephew and soon was trying to convert him. So I got the whole fucked-up skinny that they believe from him, and I have also done research on the internet to find out who bizarre they are. Well anyway, this woman comes, and instead of doing what they usually do to me, which is actually quite nice and just say "Would you like to read an article on pollution" or whatever, she starts right in on piece of mind, and inner piece and starts reading scriptures. So she asks if I will take her books and maybe we can discuss them later, and I say sure and then I think "fuck this, if you think you can come to my door and spew forth, then I can tell you what I think of your so-called religion in a nice way" so I say "but I must be upfront with you. I think your religion goes against the true word of God, and is a cult" and yada yada yada and she gets all attack mode like and keeps asking me to tell her what is wrong with her religion and what is the error of her ways and I tell her to come to church with me on Sunday and talk to my pastor (remember, I don't go to church or have a pastor, so I am shitting myself at this point as to how to keep it up) and that shuts her up a bit and I guess I said she was programmed somewhere in there, so she had to tell me she wasn't brainwashed or programmed, and then we ended it with her thanking me for being honest and so I close the door, and I should mention that the alarm boy was looking all uncomfortable. So I say to him "sorry about that. I am not even religious in the true dogmatic sense, but my born again sister has given me some ammunition to say and they are always here so..." and he just says "well, I'm not a church goer myself" and then I think "HOLY FUCK, HE'S A JEHOVAH." So I want to vomit. Just vomit. I am losing it, and am moritified, and stew on that for an hour or so, but then, long story short, it turns out at the end of this, I know who his father is, and I am almost sure he WASN'T a Jehovah. But the drama there was funny.
So then we went to Saskatoon in the afternoon, and the kids had so much fun. It was like we went to Disneyland or something. It's so much fun to see how little things amaze them. It's so cool to see things through the eyes of a child. So we stayed at the bessborough, which looks like a castle, so that was fun for them, and Keryn keeps saying "this is the best trip ever!" and we took them swimming, which is all they wanted to do, so we went swimming as soon as we got there, and then later on to Rachel's uncle's house, because he has a pool in his house, and then twice the next day. But damn baby, did we hit the sales on kid's stuff. Gap for Kids had everything on sale, so we bought so much shit for them, and Keryn was so into it. Kim was being the typical 2 year old and grabbed everything off the shelves, so it was quite tiring. And I bought a shitload of stuff for work. Right now, I dress like s street person to work. Seriously, all I wear is jeans, so I thought I should perhaps get some dressy clothes. LOL, it's just like when I started the last job, I bought a huge wardrobe of dress clothes, wore them for a year, and then moved into jeans and shorts. I am sure that will happen here as well, but it was fun anyway. I bought soooo much. Went to Winners and got like 3 shirts and 2 pairs of pants. Went to the Gap and bought a pair of pants and 2 polo shirts. It was so much fun shopping now that I can actually FIT something from the Gap again. I was so happy that I had to tell "Joel", the puke-ish change room man at the Gap who kept knocking and asking how everything was fitting, that I didn't want the one shirt because it was too big. LOL, I just had to say "oh, this is too big. Can't do it" because usually it's all too small. Then we hit the biggest kid's clothes sale at Old Navy and then I bought a shitload there - I won't say how much I bought there. Let's just say, I don't even know what I bought. Oh, but I fucked up in the changeroom and gave the dude back the stuff I wanted and kept the stuff I didn't want, and didn't realize until I was paying, because our cart(s) were so full. So, suddenly I realize that I had a too-large polo shirt and a pair of fucking ugly cargos instead of these tan colored jeans I wanted, so I said "just a minute" and RAN to find another pair of pants and shirt. I made it back just as she was finishing ringing in the stuff. I felt like I was on that Price is Right game, where you run around and put the prices on the things and pull the thingy. Anyway, that's that. I was fun, but Keryn gets all weepy saying she misses her trip. LOL, we gotta take the kid out more I think.
Oh, one last funny story. We stopped in to Rachel's uncle's place to swim again before we went home. Well, their friends, we'll call them Frank and Lucy, were there. We've met them before - he's nice but is ALWAYS drunk and doesn't stop talking for a second. She's nice but a real estate agent and is the phoniest person ever who also doesn't stop talking. So they are there, along with some hard-looking German woman who looked ancient and sounded like she ate cigarettes, but who was nice, and Lucy's mother, who didn't speak, but was for some reason raking the shit from the trees off the sidewalk. So we didn't know they were going to be there, or we wouldn't have went in, but we go there, and we have our lunch with us - we picked up Edo from the mall, which we both love. So we are eating at the table and Lucy comes in asking where we go the food and if it was from the new Burmese place. Well, we tell her no, but she goes on about the Burmese place, and I am wondering where Burma even is, and then Frank comes in to mix another drinky-poo and he says to us "oh, you like the fat noodles. Hmmm. We used to order from Quans and from whatever, but we order from Diner's now. About 20 years now. Don't know why. It just happened. I order the skinny noodle. You can get the fat noodle if you like, but I like the skinny noodle. I get the special everything. Special egg foo young. Special chow mein. Special friend rice. It has beef, shrimp, chicken, ham, etc...." and I totally zone out and stick Rachel with the conversation. Then he offers the kids some watermelon, because he brought some over. He apparently eats a watermelon a week. I was starting to lose it by then.
Then after, we are swimming and Lucy comes by and is marvelling at how the dogs are like people. JUST LIKE PEOPLE, THEY ARE, she keeps telling us. Then Rachel notices that the new dresses she bought the girls have panties inside them, and she tells Lucy this, and she's all "well, I just don't believe it! ha ha! You never noticed! Well!" And so she tells this LOOOONG story about how Frank's dad had a recliner chair for 20 years, and then he moved into a care home, and took it, and he was sitting there all cramped up (the story was way longer) and she told Frank to get rid of the chair because the poor bugger was all cramped up in it, and they pick it up, and it turns out there is a fabric swatch still attached to it underneath, for 20 years, and so Rachel, who zoned out of the story says "oh, so it was stuck and screwed up the chair and made him all cramped?" and Lucy was "Oh, no! I am just saying how funny nobody noticed the swatch of fabric." I was in the pool, killing myself laughing. Ah, you had to be there. But they are really nice, really they are.
Oh, one last funny one - Rachel's uncle is gay, and him and his hubby go to Toronto every year for the Pride week thingy, because their friends live in the gay village and holy shit you shoulda seen their pictures. Anyway, they met the designer guys and got pics with them, so he took up down to see them on his computer, and hanging on the wall of the computer room was this homeade looking calendar with this guy who, how do I put this delicately for the ladies - was laying there in the nothing, who had just finished pleasuring himself. So I spot this calendar, and then nudge Rach, who looks, and her eyes go big, and we are killing ourselves, because he'd be mortified if he knew we saw it - lol, it was a little much.
So anyway, I gotta get to bed. Hope everyone had a nice weekend.
xo
JT