Friday, October 16, 2009

FINALLY. I could not get the internet working in my house - apparently, when the cable folks were here yesterday, I also got a new modem with a new password which I didn't notice until now. In case you hadn't heard, I was cable-less and internet-less for almost 24 hours. Then, when they came, they had to drill through my hardwood floor and apparently replace the modem as well. I knew the drilling part would eventually come - my "cable", which I get via my phone company, came through coaxial cable and then I had to use this adapter thingy to connect it via a computer cable thingy to the box. When they switched boxes about a year or two ago, when I got the PVR, they said that the co-ax doesn't work well with the new boxes and so they will someday have to re-wire or something and this will involve drilling through the floor. However, it's fine - it's in a back corner and it's just this little box on the floor like a phone jack.
So now everything is all tickety-boo. I should be in bed, but I am just too frigging lazy to go. Work was very quiet today, and then this afternoon, for a long, drawn-out story I am too lazy to tell, I had to go to my old workplace for something and I visited with the old gang. First, I went in the back door and immediately ran into "Ernie", the famous Elder, and it was so neat to see him again, because he was always so damn nice, although so intellectual in a spiritual way that half the time I had no idea what he was talking about. My response to his philosophizing was always "Ernie, you lost me at hello." Then I ran into 3 of my still close friends, then I ran into the unhappy person trying to be happy, then I ran into "Karen" who has this hair thing going on that was distracting me, then I ran into the pot-head, and then I saw Bert and then I saw Millie - it was like homecoming.
Then we picked up the kids from school and went to look at a couch at this store - our furniture is literally falling to pieces - literally. There was that cheap shit at the Brick for 1000 bucks for couch and loveseat but as I said it's "bonded leather" which apparently isn't exactly real leather - it's only 17% leather, and made from scraps of leather melted together or something. So I am worried about durability but want something cheap because of the kids and animals. Then there was this set today, 2600 for all leather, not just the seats and backs, Italian leather, and it's nice but again, I didn't really want to spend that much. SO I dunno. We are trying to save for a tent trailer, so i dunno - I'll let you know what we decide.
Then daughter #3 was crying and crying saying her ear hurt and I didn't believe her but my doctor now has walk-in hours, so we get her in there, and lo and behold she has tonsilitis AND an ear infection. So then i felt bad because I didn't believe her.
Ooh creepy - the kids have their dolls lined up on the floor in the basement in rows, like they drank the Kool-Aid in Jonestown, although they probably had them set that way because they were playing school or something. But anyway, they look all creepy lying there.
Anyway, you can tell I have nothing to say. I have nothing to even google.... Facebook is even quiet. Ah well, maybe I'll just go to bed and read - I am reading the Kathy Griffin book and a Julia Child bio. I finished her "My Life in Paris" and I am addicted to her now. I also bought that stupid Twilight book at Winner's tonight and see what the hell the hype is about. Found lots of shit in Winner's. I had a huge missing my mom pang there, and it's actually laughable what made me think of her - "Saved By Zero" by the Fixx came on, and I was just awash with missing her. Then in the next second I had to bite my tongue from laughing because how do you turn to your wife and say "Winners and this 25 year old not well known song by the Fixx about... fuck, who know's what the hell the song is about... is bringing back memories of good old mom". I am not even going to explain the mental chain that connected that to her. Not tonight anyway - I'm getting tired and you wouldn't get it anyway.
By the way, what the fuck are ANY songs by the Fixx about? Can you tell me what Sign of Fire or One Thing Leads to Another or Saved By Zero about? Can you even make out the majority of the lyrics? I had two Fixx albums, Reach the Beach and Phantoms, and I loved them, but I can't tell you what any of those songs were about. Hmmmm....
I think I have a personal goal in mind about turning 40, although i don't think I can do it until I'm 41 - but remember how Oprah wanted to run a marathon at 40? Well, it's that kind of goal - I'll talk about it later. I'll keep y'all in the dark.
Anyway, I am going to go read one of my books. Sorry this is so flat and boring, but I just got nothin'.
Peace out.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Well, Rox's previous comment was that I sounded lost. She wrote that at about 10:30 this morning. She should have waited an hour or two and then skyped into my house, because the lost vibe was replaced by anger, baby.
So, I don't know if I mentioned that the big turkey days - Thanksgiving, Easter, Xmas - are always very important to me. Of course, none of my Thanksgiving memories are full of tv stuff, like pilgrims and Indians eating corn and turkey together (Yes, I know that's American, but I'm part American and Canada has no stupid stereotypes for Thanksgiving, so shut up) or horns of plenty. Rather, they involve things like hanging out on a lazy Sunday, playing cards or games, as a teenager walking downtown to the magazine store to see if the latest Billboard was in, basking in the smell of cooking turkey, eating with the fam - just good old family memories. I always look forward to Thanksgiving. Then my mom died. So last year, I got the fuck out of Dodge and went to Edmonton. I hear Thanksgiving here was a sucky-ass shitty affair.
But this year, I assumed it would be a little better. On Wednesday night, sister #2 called me at the worst time ever. I have a son who is teething and getting not one, not two, but FOUR molars all at once - his gums look like they have been stuffed with marbles, he's all full of snot and rashy and crabby because of all of this, and so he was freaking out when the phone rang. I was in the midst of cooking grilled cheese sandwiches and one was burning, but I stepped out into the newly falling snow and wind on the deck in bare feet to answer the phone and she was all "when are you going to Rachel's parents for supper?" and I said Saturday and she said good, because she worked then but the rest of the weekend was free for her and shouldn't we get together for supper and I was all "yeah sure whatever" and she asked what sister #3 was doing since we usually go to her house because sisters #1 and 2 claim their places are too small even though we used to schelp to my parents' apartment with no trouble but whatever. So, to get her off the phone I just said "yeah, just let me know". I just wanted off the phone because my kid was freaking out, my frying pan was burning, and Rachel was severely upset with me for something that was totally my fault, and she wasnt home and I was trying to think of how to make amends with her, so I wasn't chatty. I didn't offer my house but would have if anyone fucking asked me and again, said "let me know."
So then I hear nothing from anyone. I talk to sister #1 a couple times on Friday and she says nothing either. So finally I realize nobody must be doing anything. Whatever. Part of me didn't want to do anything either as I need some down time anyway.
But this morning Rachel is all "if you want to invite your family over Monday, we can just make something non-turkey, like sweet and sour meatballs or something easy, and I think yeah, ok. So I call #1 and say "shouldn't we do something or what?" and say I was thinking of having everyone over and she said "or we could just do dessert" so I think ok, fine, and she says sister #3 would be fine with that, and blah blah and that we could do it tonight and sister #2 is making this pumpkin dish. So I am thinking "oh, you've talked about it" and she says we could do it tonight or even tomorrow afternoon at my place if I wanted and then she says "I'm making a turkey tonight and having dad and #2 over since dad won't get turkey" and I just sort of let it whizz by and tell her I'd call her back and let her know what works best. So I run the convo by Rachel and when she finds out they are having dinner, she freaks and then goes "you see nothing wrong with this?" and then suddenly I get it and I get furious. So then I call #3 and say "did you know they are having turkey?" and she gets all pissy, even though she told #1 she didn't care if we had turkey and said we could get together and order something, and #1 said she wanted turkey, so I don't know. BUT, the point is, they were having this meal without asking us. So I get FURIOUS and say I am not having dessert with them, because how cheesy is that, going there when they finish their fucking meal I wasn't invited to?
So then after just freaking out for an hour and ruining my day, Rachel is like "ok, be the bigger person and have them for supper anyway" and I say no fucking way, but then I think this will be the last Thanksgiving where my dad will have a clue who the hell we all are, and think my mom wouldn't like this, so then I get all revenge-filled and have this plan in my head that I am going to cook this big fucking turkey and ham and make homeade cabbage rolls and just make them feel like shitheads. I am so mad I can't phone back but then finally I do and say "no, we aren't doing dessert, we are going to have supper" and she is all shocked and says we can have a potluck and I say "no, I am going to cook a turkey or meatballs or something, because THE KIDS have been dying for the Thanksgiving meal with my family, and she sounds shocked and horrible and I am loving this, and so I say I will call later saying what we will have and what she can bring.
So I get over it, then get mad again, and go shopping and I can't find any big turkeys and no spiral hams, so I decide on meatballs because they are easy, even though I want to rub this fucking turkey fiasco in their faces. I was all "I hope the fucking choke on their fucking turkey." I still am sort of mad about the turkey thing but the best revenge will be to be the bigger person and Rachel said my mom would be proud of that, so there. But I seriously wanted another turkey. It's not Thanksgiving without another turkey. But whatever. I will kill them with kindness. And so when I phoned to tell her what I was making I said "I can't find a turkey or a spiral ham, so... sigh.... it will be meatballs" and she was so contrite she's bringing a whole list of shit.
Rachel was all "I can't wait to hear Rox's opinion on this, and I was all "sista, you don't need to hear it, I know it, as she loves a good sista drama." Anyway, i am still a little annoyed because I can't ever let go of anything and will just be a dink in my passive aggressive way until everyone is miserable, but I will try.
But fuck, if you want me to host something, fucking ASK. They don't get it though, so whatever.
Be the bigger person... I'm trying. I'm going to make them all watch our videos of our trip, so ha ha.
So that was my day. I don't really want to fucking see any of them tomorrow, but whatever. I never see #1, and I miss her, so I was so looking forward to seeing her, but now... argh. But she is the one who would feel bad and would probably cry if she really understood how mad and left out we felt. Number two would be all snippy and defensive, but #1, she is a softie. And it would have been #2's 29th anniversary today if her husband hadn't died, so I should cut her a break. But yeah, everything's hard, and I am touchier than usual. This orphan bullshit is harder than it looks. It's hard when your mom was miss Ellie and was the one everyone flocked around. Ah, whatever, I'll stop whining.
In other news, I am allergic to something in my house. I am wondering if it's either the cat or the candle we have been burning. My eyes are so fucking itchy.
What else. I need a new dishwasher. Wealthy benefactor, come out whereever the fuck you are. Seriously, bitch, I'm sick of waiting.
And seriously, the weather? It's been like lightly snowing for days. It will sort of get the ground white, then it melts, then it falls again, and the roads are gross every morning. What the fuck is this? 2 weeks ago, i was swimming in the frigging LAKE.
I am also touchy about not being invited to a wedding. My cousin's daughter got married yesterday, in Edmonton, and I know how brutal you have to be when inviting people to a wedding, but this kid is the daughter of my mom's sister's son. Me and my 3 sisters are the only cousins on his mother's side. I have this feeling his other cousins may be invited and I get mad just thinking about that. I really need to just let everything go, right? Right?
Oh man, let's face it, I'm on the rag. Everyone and every thing is annoying me right now. People usually love it when I'm in the mood because they find it funny when I go off my nut, but I find nothing amusing about it. LOLOL, can you imagine if I had ovaries? Seriously, can you?
I have nothing left to google street view from my old hometown. I can't wait until they get that streetview thing for Sask. Anyway, it is sad when you sit there and go "what else can i look at?" and you can't think of anything.
We FINALLY watched the FIRST episode of Amazing Race tonight - we have two more to go to be caught up. I am loving it, way better than Survivor. And as much as I originally was cheering for Shambo, well, she's becoming annoying. And who the fuck names their kid Jai-son? It's fucking JASON, you stupid arseholes. His parents were putting on airs. I am sure he calls his Aunts "ONTS".
Did I say I am reading the Kathy Griffin book? It's nothing earth shattering. Wait for it at the library.
Oh, in cool news, did I tell you we are going to Dane Cook in November? Did I tell you someone bought us tickets?! They did - gave us 100 dollar tickets. Long story. Anyway, we get to go.
He's so frigging funny. Can't wait.
I decided I have enough stuff to depress me and I didn't buy Jann Arden tickets. That's ok.
Well, I am going to run now - see, I am not lost - I am now mad. Whoo hooo! Rock the Casbah! (I just noticed I typed "Rock the cashbar - I must still be mad at that wedding").
Peace Out.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

I have not much to say, but I don't really have anything to do, so I might as well sit here and try to think of things to say. I have been obsessed with Google Street View. It is running in Vancouver and the lower mainland and goes as East as my old hometown. Well, I can just go and get a full 360 degree view of any spot in the city that has a road. I've been looking and zooming into my old houses, and it is so elaborate that I can, because of the height of the car or whatever recorded it, look directly into the run-down shambles of the backyard of my parents' friends old house where I learned to swim. The pool is empty and the yard is falling apart. 30 years ago, it was one of the nicest houses in town, with a private yard of decks, cement tables, trees making the entire yard private, the pool, no grass at all. Now it is an empty pool, no trees, and dandelions. So anyway, this is fascinating. I can't get it to focus on one of my old houses though-I can't get the cursor over the right spot. Oh wait, I just got it, but the house is obscured by trees. I wish I could show all y'all these things from my past, but really, what the hell do you care anyway? So, I'm living in the past right now.
I have nothing else to say at all. We had turkey at Rachel's family tonight. I guess my family isn't doing anything. I didn't want to offer because I am tired and our house needs cleaning and yada yada, and I guess noone else offered. My sister called on Thursday and was hinting and I was so crabby and said "yeah, whatever, we can do something" but didn't say here and nobody has called so... whatever. I feel like we should, but since it's Sunday tomorrow, well, I guess we just aren't invited if they are doing anything. Whatever. My mom would be sad we aren't doing anything, but you know, I just don't have the time to do the dinner thing here this year, so whatever. If some of them say their houses are too small, well, we used to cram into my parents' apartment so I call bullshit on that. Ah well, what the fuck ever.
I seriously have nothing to say. So, anyway, I am going to go now and do my google thing again - I just found the old Woolworth building I used to hang in....Peace.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

-- I have to tell you someone else who freaks me out: You know that creepy guy who does the Dyson vacuum commercials, who is gray-haired and has this odd accent and swivels that weird vaccuum around? Him. Totally gives me the willies, almost as much as Stephen Hawking does. I am literally shuddering just thinking about both of them.

-- Ladies, let me ask you this: would any of you sleep with Letterman? Like seriously, why would you? Unless he's giving you chunks of cash... I am shuddering again. It would be like me going "oh, of course, Shambo, I'd LOVE to go down on you - can I keep the headband as a souvenier?" In other words, not bloody likely. Ugh, I am picturing some long straggly bush whittled into a palm frond torch,,,,

-- But I have to say I was very impressed with Letterman. He made 46 million dollars last year. So, what's 2 million to make a problem go away for a bit? But no, he just made it public. I'm not saying it was right that he was dinking around on the gf, but unless he was all "bitch, you fuck me or you are fired", well, it ain't any of our business.

-- Went to a half a house concert last night, solo. It was Rachel's nephew's bd party, so the family was at that, but since the concert was down the street from their house, I went for the 1st set. It was interesting - about 30 people, over half who the hosts never knew, were there, as well as someone who was involved in a huge scandal here in town, that ended up being bigtime provincial news. I don't want to say more because if I give to many details, the jig is up, but if you want more info, email me. It's quite the story. Anyway, it was a little too sort of gay cabaret for my tastes, but it was sorta nice to have live music in a livingroom. I only knew a few people, but two of them were this couple we are friends with who I really dig, so it was all good. And my grade 8 English teacher was there, who was cool back then and who taught us to moonwalk.

-- Daughter number 2 has had a tummy ache all day and night and I am scared she will be puking in bed tonight. Call it intuition. I don't want stomach flu in the house yet so I hope I'm wrong. The cat is sleeping next to me right now and her stomach is making horrid noises, so I hope she doesn't puke all over the place. Did I tell you about when she puked on daughter 2's bed the other night? Fuck me Dorothy. It was 3 in the morning and she's poking me in the arm saying "the cat threw up on my bed" and I was grumpy, and then I went in there and it was just MASSIVE. Like seriously, it was like fucking Rita McNeil ate Carney Wilson and puked her up, along with 13 glasses of water, all over the bed. SO then I was stripping sheets and had lights on and it was a gong show. No wonder I'm so effing tired all the time - I never get to sleep through the night.

-- We need new furniture. It's so wrecked, we have quilts and blankets thrown all over spots because it's worn through and stained and full of holes. We found a cheap couch for 500 bucks today, regular 1000. It's leather but not "real leather" exactly - it's bonded leather, but bitch, I don't want anything fancy with 4 young kids, 2 dogs and a cat. So don't talk me out of it, or I'll fuck you up good.

-- Holy, dog #1 has a stomach making noise too - oh, this should be a glorious evening! It's like everyone ate rotten sushi.

-- I am sooooo fucking fat. Seriously, I look like Martin Short when we got stung by that bee in that movie. Randy fucking Jackson looks svelte next to me. Can a man be svelte? That sounds like a Paul Young song - "Can a man be Svelte?" Don't worry, by xmas I will be wearing the skinny Hollister hoody again, just you wait.

-- so tell me, why does Jamie Lee Curtis have to hawk Activia? And why the lesbian hair? I don't get it. I actually really dig her and respect her and I have her adoption book that I've read to my kids a million times and it always makes me cry because adoption always makes me cry, but that hair, well, I don't know. Shouldnt she have a trust fund? Or maybe Activia just makes her poop smoothly. I have to say, I am the first to say that Activia is wonderful and is a miracle for the gut.

-- Margo, I took my dogs in to Petland to be groomed the other day and I saw your dad's ex, "Ellen", in there, looking at birds or rabbits or some fucking shit. Anyway, I have to say, the bitch looks good. She must be close to 70, or even older, but she looks like she's early 50s. The wine must have preserved her - or the apostles (don't ask).

-- OMG, someone was telling me about last night - fuck me Dorothy, it's as good as they said! OMG, CHECK THIS SHIT OUT!

-- I am going to keep exploring the shark - peace out.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Whew, I just had another night-time poop. It really throws me off when that happens, because I am a first thing in the morning type of guy. However, I think I know the reason. You see, I always buy the instant oatmeal with extra fibre (or fiber for you Yanks). Soluable fiber, the kind in oatmeal, lowers cholesterol, and you all know I am all over that shit. Well, the extra fiber kind has like 5 or 6 grams per packet. But, when we were in the States this summer, I quickly realized we were being screwed over here in Canada on the fiber front. In the States, they had added fiber in EVERYTHING, from fiber pop tarts to Splenda with Fiber, which I brought back with me. I was really pissed off that Fiber One bars in the states has almost double the fibre as here in Canada. And then I walked down the oatmeal aisle, and saw the same oatmeal with not 5 or 6 grams of fiber, but 10 fucking grams. So, I bought a fucking shoebox full of the shit, started eating it this week. Well, hump me Dorothy, I have been pooping weirdly ever since. It's not nice solid long poops, but more like the little pieces poop shot out forcefully. Yes, I know, too much info, but y'all eat this shit up. So I am farting and pooping like crazy, all due to the fiber. Why can't Canada get into the fiber action? Sigh.
What else... it's been a crazy busy week. Yesterday I was just treading water to keep up with everything. SO then last night I decide to make Hamburger Helper for supper because it's easy. WELL. Leave it to me to screw that up. I run to the store after work and grab two lbs. of meat and two boxes of HH. Two boxes is a little too much for us, but one box doesn't cut it, nor does the "family size" box, which is sort of between one box and two. So I think I'll do 2 boxes. Fine. Go home, piss around doing shit, and then commence cooking. Well, I brown my meat and get ready to throw the shit in, and lo and behold, I have TWO DIFFERENT KINDS of HH in my grocery bag. I bought one cheeseburger macaroni and one cheesy shells. Yes, I know, it's all the same shit, but I knew someone would bitch and whine that the noodles were differerent and yada yada, so then I look in the pantry and saw I had a family sized box of cheeseburger macaroni so I go to make it, but since my wife and one daughter do not really eat meat, I knew it would be too meaty with the two lbs. of meat, so then I decided to cook the family sized box and the single box of cheeseburger macaroni, and suddenly I felt like Hailey fucking Wickenhauser or whatever the hell her name is - the lady hockey player who does the HH commercials. Indeed, I was ready for Josee Chiunard - what the fuck is her last name? - to be sitting there asking me how much I loved HH. Anyway, that whole thing set me off on a rage.
The odd thing? We didn't have a whole bunch leftover. Go figure. And if anyone needs a box of cheesy shells HH, I can hook you up.
What else.... last week I was sicker than fucking typhoid Mary. I had the flu, so I kept thinking "this is it, it's the swine" but no cough. I actually was hoping it was it, because motherfucker, I was so knocked on my arse it isn't even funny. I was fucking SICK. I even went to the doctor, but since I had no cough, it wasn't the swine. But I've only had actual influenza about 3 times in my life, and bitch, after last week, I don't want it again.
What the hell else..... did anyone see Madonna on Letterman last night? It's always so painful when she's on, because she's so awkward. It's weird, because for such a big star, she's just so painfully out of place. She looked great. No surgery. Rock on bitch - I love your new song, if you are googling yourself.
OK, I really hope Tori Spelling is googling herself right now because I want to say that your husband is just a sick fuck. He really is. He is only with you because you have money. Mary Jo, I hope Brad gets the wandering cock again and leaves Angelina for you, and then you guys can hire someone to rub Dean out. Yes, that's mean, but it may be the paralyzer talking. I just noticed (when I was looking in the pantry in the garage) that I had vodka and Kahlua in the pantry, so I made a paralyzer or a Black Russian, or whatever the hell, and it's hitting the spot. I lift my tupperware cup in honour of "Vanilla", who loves the Kahlua. I have this feeling me and "Vanilla" would get along like gangbusters, and Vanilla's daughter would hate me.
So I ran out on impulse tonight and went to Coles and bought the Kathy Griffin book. I was reading it on the toilet during the nighttime poop, and I don't know if I'll like it without hearing her actually speaking it.
OH! I HAVE A NEW OBSESSION - Dane Cook - caught an HBO special the other night, and bitch, he's frigging funnier than stink. He's coming to the city in Nov. Tickets are 1o0 bucks each, but we sorta wanna go.
Oh Michael Buble - go fuck yourself. Seriously, you ain't no Harry Connick, so don't even try. It was funny, because at work, I was walking by some people talking and someone was saying something about The Handmaid's Tale and I blurted out "I f-ing hate Margaret Atwood - sorry if that's unCanadian" and then this woman replies, "I hate Shania, so whatever" and this other woman yells out "I f-ing hate Michael Buble, so what kind of Cannucks are we?" I think you had to be there - it was funny.
Sorry, some Entertainment Tonight show is on, which is why I am throwing out Buble and all this shit, and Tori and Dean.
I didn't watch Survivor yet. We didn't have time, and my wife is sleeping right now. I am just not into it this year. I really could give it up completely. It does nothing for me. I dreaded the day I wouldn't care anymore, but I just don't.
I went out for a beer tonight with work people and I really wanted to puff a ciggie. Fuck, when will it ever repulse me?
It rained all day today - it's weird, because last week I was still wearing shorts and we went to the lake for a swim, and now it's like 6 degrees and cool - but anyway, I have to admit something. I fucking LOVE these cool, rainy days. It could rain for 30 days and I would be happy. Of course, I pretended all day to hate it: "Oh, damn this infernal rain!" is something I probably said in front of people, but inside, I was screaming "piss down, sexy rain clouds!" I just am always comforted by clouds and rain. It's a BC leftover nostalgia thing.
Tomorrow night we are supposed to go to a house concert, but I really don't want to go. I have no idea how we'll get out of it.
So I downloaded a whole shitload of music the other night. No albums, just a hodgepodge of random songs. I got the new Madonna song, Celebration, which I fucking love, and the new Pearl Jam song "the fixer" I think it's called, which I fucking love - go get it. What else.... an old Animotion song "I Engineer", an old Kansas "Fire With Fire", a whole bunch of Laura Branigan, like "Solitaire" and "The Lucky One", some old Jefferson Starship.... I can't even remember what I all got. Oh, "All We Are" by Kim Mitchell.... oh man, it was great. Thank the Lord for Limewire for the older stuff. I also got the kids some stuff for their IPOD, like "Party in the USA" by Miley. I have to admit that I love Miley as much as the kids. I like the show, I loved the movie, and I like the music. I even like Billy Ray now. So I put that song on my IPod too. I got them some Beyonce and a whole shitload of Kelly Clarkson and "Battlefield" by Jordan Sparks. I frigging love that song too - love it.
Did I blog my Pink moment the other day? I guess I forgot to. I was listening to Funhouse, the song, and I was finally feeling healthy - mentally healthy. I just kept thinking of how I ate and drank my feelings last year after my Mom died, and I was having this revelation of "this used to be a funhouse/ but now it's full of evil clowns/I'm gonna burn it down" and it was like seeing some light in the tunnel. So if I ever mocked Pink for anything, I take it back. It was a prompt for me to get my life in control again.
My neighbor dropped off a huge bag of carrots for us, and bitch, those things are obscene. They are all sort of freak carrots and have two stems and one top, and of course, me being me, I'm all "oh, they look like those double-ended dildos." Yes, I share too much.
Anyway, I have nothing to say so I am going to go to bed and read some Kathy. Thanks for reading, peeps - welcome back KB!
Peace the fuck out, people!