Each Night I go to Bed I Pray Like Aretha Franklin (or Eat Like her... either one)

Well, another day, another dollar, as the old timer's say. It was pretty much an uneventful day. I slept in as per usual. I swear, I get out of bed later and later each day. I always wake up and debate trying to exercise in the morning, and then say the hell with it and roll over. Anyhoo, today Keryn was supposed to have her preschool hip hop dance class today. So, Rachel's sister took her and her son and the teacher doesn't show up. So, one of the mom's says she knows "Miss Corrine" (as I will call her here) and says she runs this dance studio downtown, so she goes and calls her, and Miss Corrine says no she couldn't make it today and didnt think she could make it "this month". I mean, they started last week, for a 10 week session, and she doesn't say fuck all about not making it last week, and all of these mothers are dragging all of their babies to dance, and I mean, who the hell does this nutbar think she is? I think she just slept in. Last time Keryn was in dance, she did the same thing, by not showing up one week and the excuse was she fell. I think she fell when she got out of bed to answer the phone when the parents called to see where her lazy ass was. So anyway, my daughters are all excited about their dance classes, and this is the same woman who does the ballet on Thursdays that both girls started last week, so if she pulls this bullshit, there will be hell to pay. I already said if she backs out, the city (its a city program) better find a replacement or I will write to the newspaper about the shitty service - they spend a couple million dollars on this stupid performing arts centre that is the biggest waste of space, so they damn well can tap into that stuff and pony up a replacement teacher. So, if Miss Corrine is too busy, well, she can suck my ass, because there are kids who are counting on her. Disappoint my kids and there will be hell to pay.
So that was the excitement of today. The kids were overtired and grouchy tonight but I took Kim to her Time for Twos story thing at the library and that was fun. I am watching American Idol right now and I must admit I am addicted to it already. Way better than last year.
So my dog keeps looking longingly down the stairs and keeps trying to sneak downstairs - the cat box is in the laundry room. I swear, it disgusts me so much. And it's so funny because she looks guilty as sin just looking down the stairs, longing for her cat shit fix. She's like a priest with a pornographic watch, looking and longing on the sly - ok I got that line from Joni Mitchell, but it fits.
I am downloading some Scritti Politti right now - I own the cd but I am too lazy to find it. I really liked that album, Cupid and Psyche 85 - pure pop 80s new wave style. It also contains one of my favorite lines, in the song "Wood Beez" - each night I go to bed I pray like Aretha Franklin. Isn't that the cat's ass?
So I am just rambling - let me Ramble On.... I've had that Led Zep song in my head forever, don't know why. Oooh, this chick is singing "Cowboy Take Me Away" by the Dixie Chicks right now, and I must admit I fucking love that song. You know, I used to HATE country music, but there is some I really like - I like the Dixies, Chad Brock, Tim McGraw.... really like McGraw, and I even own 3 cds of his. And Red Ragtop always makes me so sad. I also have this thing for Mary Chapin Carpenter - Come On Come On is one of my favorite albums. And then there is Rosanne Cash who now comes in right behind Joni, Stevie, and James Taylor as my favorite. She is amazing. If you don't have Rules of Travel, you don't have a complete music collection. Go buy it or order it from the library. The title track is amazing... AMAZING (I am stressing that in an Angelina Jolie creepy-ass way).
So anyway, this is a boring free for all, isn't it? I am just typing whatever comes into my head. I am reading the Tatum O'Neal book right now. It is so good, I can't put it down, but there isn't enough hours in the day to read. Usually just 20 minutes at bedtime.
So back to smoking.... As you can tell, I loved smoking. Nothing was better when drinking, or having coffee, or talking on the phone, etc. I was always careful not to smoke too much though, because I didn't want to be a chain-smoker. Also, it was always hard to afford smokes as a teenager. I remember splitting packs with people, or buying Peter Jackson brand because it was cheaper, and obsessing about how many smokes I had left and if I would be able to make it through the night. I only tried to quit once - I was visiting some friends in North Battleford for a week in grade 10, and I couldn't smoke there, so I went the week without smoking - 10 days in fact, but as soon as I got back to school, I announced I quit, and Margo shoved one of her big rollies in my mouth and boom, I couldn't resist. So then, luckily for me, I ended up meeting Rachel, a non-smoker, so I was always careful not to stink or not to smoke too much around her. When we bought our first house, I made the decision to smoke outside. I remember that was such an odd concept to me just 10 years ago. When Margo moved to Calgary, her mother wouldn't let anyone smoke in the house anymore and she got caught having a puff at 6 a.m., and that's pretty much what made her move out. I just remember thinking her mom must have been mental to make people smoke outside... lol, I was a product of the "smoking with your kids with the windows done up". Rachel was very good with me smoking, only asking me "are you ever going to quit? when?" and it wasn't until I had kids that I got motivated to do so - I loved it so much. I smoked until Keryn was 1. When she was a year old, we went out to B.C. and we stopped in to see Ruby in Chilliwack. Ruby had just quit smoking and I kept thinking "if she can quit after smoking since she was 12, maybe I could too" but at the same time I was thinking "sure, get me hooked, bitch, and then you quit.... that's real nice". But anyway, it was that summer when I was thinking that I really needed to do it because I kept looking at my beautiful family and pictured the hurt that it would bring if I was no longer there because of smoking. And I kept thinking that if I was diagnosed with cancer or something, and then looked back and thought it could have been avoided by something just as simple as not smoking ,then I would be a fool not to stop. So, I made a secret Dr. appointment with a new doctor to get zyban. Of course, the doctor had to cancel the appointment and Rachel got the call, so my secret was out. So I got zyban and decided to take it on my holidays, but in the meantime, I got freaked out which made me do it on my own. Margo was in town and we were going to meet her at the casino. So, I remember this so well - I picked up fast food from Burger Baron, which was always so greasy, and wolfed it down, and then stopped at the store for smokes where I ran into "the whore" (see early posts for her bio) and talked to her a bit, and then left for the casino. Well, my chest was getting tight and sore and my arms were hurting and I was convinced I was having a heart attack. I didn't tell anyone then, and indeed this is the first time I ever told anyone. It was just obviously grease overload from the meal, but it scared the living shit out of me, and I kept picturing Keryn and Rachel losing me and I just freaked. So, that was actually the last pack of smokes I bought. Two days later, I had my last smoke at midnight. We went to bed, and took the dog pee and I hadn't smoked all day, and had one to take the edge off, and the next day I thought screw the Zyban, just see if I can go a day or two without smoking. I know nobody thought I could do it, but I just went day by day and never smoked again. I had withdrawal I am sure - 9 days after quitting, I puked for the first time in 17 years (that wasn't alcohol related), and I am sure it was from not smoking.
It was a huge sense of loss not smoking, though, and almost 4 years later I still feel it a bit. No more hanging out with the smokers at work, no more social smoking mingling, changing of all routines, no smoke reward.... I began craving strange cigarette brands, and to this day, I can taste Export A Medium (the blue ones) which I haven't smoked since I was a kid, but if I could fall off the wagon, it would be those ones I'd smoke.
So there was loss, but so much gained. I feel better, I am saving money, and most importantly, it's for my family, so I never will put my love ones through a preventable illness or death due to smoking. And I know that people don't quit until they themselves are ready and nagging will only make it worse. I so understand that. But at the same time, I want everyone to quit. If I can do it, so can you. And I don't want to lose any of the people I love for something so needless and useless. I am also fed up to here with Joni Mitchell's chain smoking. She's defeated. So, I don't want to nag, but c'mon, try to quit, smokers. Margo, this means you too - you are in such a good place right now, and have someone wonderful to share everything with, so think about it, ok? You are a tough broad, you can do it - do it for yourself, for Rochelle, for me, and for the dogs.
Ok, off the soapbox.I will never mention it again.
Postscript: Ruby started smoking again and still does as far as I know. Sheena sadly passed away at age 32 - not exactly sure how it happened - she had leukemia or something as a kid, but not sure if that was what did her in.
Well, sorry for the rambing and boring crappola. I better get my ass to bed. I have to put a band aid on my thumb - Iwas trying to take a staple out of a shirt from Value Village (yes, we shop there regularly - we're addicts) and it got stuck in my thumb, and being the paranoid pete that I am, I keep wondering when my last tetanus shot was, and I am afraid I will get poisoned or something..... the smoking didn't kill me, but the staple from Value Village did.....
Have a good Hump Day, peeps.
xo
JT