Utah: Not Just for Mormons!

Ok, so I think I left off at Idaho, where we spent the night in the hotel with ants in the loo. Ok, so I did my southern talk with the gas station lady about Pepsi Throwback, and off we went to another Walmart Super Center. I tell you, those really are the places to go to for groceries. It was so cheap and of course was full of stuff we can't get here, so we were loading up on even more shit, so it was really complicated to fit everything in the van.
Well, we took off from there, in Idaho Falls, and were on our way Utah. Since the speed limit moved up from 75 MPH to 80 MPH in Utah, we were cruising along at a great pace. At first, it looked just like Idaho - mountains, rural, etc. Then we stopped at a rest stop north of Ogden. Since the maps and the Garmin made it look like the Great Salt Lake was right off the highway, we thought we would ask about it so that we could dip our toes in it or something. The guy at the rest stop said we were to drive about 25 minutes down the road and take exit something or other and we'd find it. So that's what we decide to do.
Well.
When you hear the name "Ogden", you picture a sleepy little town, right? Same with Farmington? And Orrem and Provo and Syracuse? Think again.
Suddenly, as soon as we left the rest stop, we were in the whole urban area. It was suddenly 3, 4, 5, and sometimes 6 lanes of traffic going one way. It was just one big urban area, with miles and miles of stores and restaurants lining the freeway. After a loooong 25 minutes, we turned off and were trying to head to Antelope Island, where the lake was located. I had my doubts. The road was littered with stores and new subdivisions and it was so busy. Then we were in this residental area that was a bit older, and then we hit this booth telling us we were now at Antelope Island. And, as soon as we entered, we were in the wilderness. It was so frigging strange. We drove this windy road for 5 or 10 minutes, seeing parts of the lake on both sides of the road, and 4 trillion birds, and the grossest smell. It was like sulphur and birds and stink... Daughter 3, who gags whenever someone stinks up the bathroom, or someone mushes a grape, or whatever, keeps saying ""I'm gagging... RRRRREEEETCH" and she's trying to cover her mouth and nose between retches.
Finally we find the beach. It was soooooo cool. It was miles of hot white sand, leading down to the water. It was a LOOOONG walk down. Very long. The sand was burning our feet, but finally, we made it. The water was sooooo cool. It was almost hot, and since nothing can live in the lake except brine shrimp, the place was covered with birds. Apparently millions of birds live there to eat the shrimp. We splashed around and I went out and actually floated just because I could. No way anyone could drown there.
Then we made the long walk back up the beach and since that took so long, me, being the retarded traveller that I am, decide to just skip a shower and hop in the van for the rest of our drive - we had a good 4 or 5 hours to go.
WELL. We make a stop at an Arby's once we got out of the park and I go pee and notice my beard is covered in white salt. Then I start itching. And itching. It was torture. I've never felt so gritty and itchy. But anyway. We head back on the interstate and pass all these cities and towns that are all one, and finally approach Salt Lake City. The size of it and the sprawl was just crazy. I was shocked. It was also very beautiful, surrounding in mountains, and houses built in mountains and hills, and it just went on and on. We saw the temple briefly as we whizzed by, and let me tell you, they had their LDS churches on every corner. At one point, I counted FIVE that were visible from each other. It was freaky. They all have these big spires on top.
Anyway, after what seemed like and must have been hours, we got out of the urban SLC area and were in the mountain wilderness again. We had decided to go to Bryce Canyon National Park to see the Hoodoos. How I found them on the internet, I don't know. Anyway, we weren't sure about going there because it was an hour or so out of the way, but we decided to suck it up since I had booked a room there months before.
Am I ever glad we did. It is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Seriously. Big, oddly shaped mountain structures, colored in orange, surrounded by red sand. It was like the Grand Canyon, but better. We were amazed. We checked into our hotel at sunset, Ruby's Inn, which I guess is sort of famous there. It had this big lobby full of stuffed wild animals and was larger than life, and had this huge store attached that sold everything from jewels to clothes to groceries. It was full of foreigners. I found Dr. Pepper ice cream syrup there, along with apple soda. Our room was really nice, with two king beds, and it was such a cool place. Across the street was some old west shopping thing, so the kids liked that. The hoodoos were unreal. You could hike down into the canyon, but it was really dangerous, so we couldn't do it with kids. We hiked down a bit though, and I took a little rock from a hoodoo. Anyway, it was fabulous.
So, we finally get ready to leave, sadly, and head on for Vegas.
Garmin tells us the shortest way is through this odd mountain pass. We take it. I almost soil myself.
Seriously, freaky shit. I should have known the road was crazy when I saw the sign saying "closed Sept-May". Anyway, it was about as wide as a maxi-pad, and steeper than shit, and I dunno how, but at one point, we had nothing but a 9 million foot freefall on both sides of the road. So, of course, there are no guard-rails, and the road is still climbing and there are deer everywhere, and we are just holding on for dear life - it made Roger's Pass look like a cakewalk - and daughter #3 starts hootin' and hollerin' and yelling "we're tipping over! whoo hooo!" and laughing like crazy and that was freaking me out even more. Again, we are so high that we encounter snow patches. We then pass the worst, and again, I wonder why this road exists, when we pass this resort that must be for skiing in the winter, and it had this odd BBQ stand. Well, turns out, a week later, we are watching Jon and Kate in our hotel somewhere, and where is Jon skiing?? At this place, with the BBQ stand! It was cool.
ANyway, we watch some heli-logging and then make it to Cedar city, and then on we go to St. George. We get to St. George later in the afternoon, 3:30 or 4:00 or something and suddenly we feel festive, because, an hour ago, we came out of snow, and now here we are with palm trees and cactuses, and such. We find their outlet mall, which was all outdoors, and we go shopping. I find the Eddie Bauer outlet and find some shirts, and this saleslady asks me for my # (not to meet up later and have sex or anything, just for their database). So I say I am from Canada and she goes "we sometimes take Canadian pennies, do you take ours?" So I tell her we take their quarters and she asks if we have quarters so I show her one and she asks who is on the back. I say the queen, and she doesn't get why the queen is on there and asks if Canadia (pronounced can-ayy-deee-ah) has its own queen. Then she asks what the queen does and i had to say "I don't rightly know" and then some smart-ass man behind me starts talking about the commonwealth and the monarchy and I got the hell out of there.
So then we start driving towards Vegas, and it's all cactuses and sand and we are so excited, so we take 4 billion pictures of palm trees, cactuses, and desert sand. We are approaching Vegas, and I'll leave our 18 hours in Vegas for tomorrow night. But I have to tell you, Utah is one of the most beautiful places on earth. I can't even begin to tell you about how amazing the landscape is. And SLC is pretty cool too. I cannot wait to go to Utah again. And it's so frigging clean, and it was hillarious to see this billboard of Marie Osmond every two feet, of her holding a vase and saying 'this is my favorite home decorating store".
Anyway, On to Vegas tomorrow night!