Lightening strikes, maybe once, maybe twice

Yes, I know there are people starving all over the world. I know people are dealing with aging parents, dying spouses, runaway kids, drug habits, bad jobs, no jobs, bad breath, sadness, political strife, communism, you name it - I have no right to complain, right? Well, bitch, that ain't stopping me. I can't remember if I posted here that the Mrs. and I are planning on taking the kids to California. We still aren't sure about affording it, but with the shitty year, and with the Mrs. returning to work in the fall, and the good deals, we decided now is the time to break out of our rut and do what we usually DON'T do - so instead of doing our usual "let's go to Edmonton" trip, we decided we would think outside the box and go to Disneyland, hit the beach, have a fun roadtrip, money be damned.
So, because the world economy is collapsing, Disney, which never has good deals, has a great deal on now, so we are jumping on it. We kinda sorta told the kids we probably/maybe are going. But then - but then.... long story short, our water meter in the basement has been loud for the past month. It has been getting progressively louder, like there is water running, even though it isn't. We were hearing it in bed even. So, we called the city on Friday and they said it would be a water main leak - if it's on our property, it's our penny - we've heard it could cost 3000 dollars. So, we told the kids maybe no trip. Every night for the past 9 weeks, I have literally been pouring over books in bed like "Disneyland 2009", Disneyland and Southern California with Kids, California for Families, and every fucking CAA guidebook for every fucking state. I've made a binder of google map routes, and caa triptik routes, and could tell you every family friendly attraction in all the western states. I've obsessed about routes, because we want to make the road trip fun. So anyway, on the weekend, I couldn't even look at anything. They were supposed to send the leak people here on Monday morning to detect if it was on our property or the city's. They came late. The ground was frozen so they couldn't shut the water off. But finally, in the afternoon, they did whatever and the leak was on the city side. At the same moment, the mailman arrived with our passports. Rachel yelled to the city crew and our mentally slow paper lady, who was hanging around, "I'm going to Disneyland!" The kids are ecstatic that we aren't paying for the leak so we can still go to Disney.
It ended up being a good day.
Then there is today - remember a few months ago, I was saying I was thinking of spending 1100 dollars to see Fleetwood Mac in Edmonton, second row? I was serious. I'd pay it. They somehow skipped Saskatchewan. Fast forward to today - All the news is full of "FM coming to Sask.!" THOSE FUCKERS ADDED A DATE IN SASKATOON, A MONTH AFTER THE OTHER CANADIAN DATES! WHY THEY ARE COMING THIS WAY, I DUNNO. But they are coming WHEN I AM FUCKING GONE!!!!!!!
People have been calling me and emailing me all day saying "DID YOU HEAR" and then when I have to say "I won't be here", it's like awkward, and I sure people will be dropping off casseroles soon. Now, I bought the new live Stevie album this week and I've been boring the kids with tidbits about it - "this is Waddy Wachtel on guitar...." and I keep thinking how great it would be to see them now, since they are in their 60s... and I can't.
I won't admit this anywhere else, because it's psycho, but seriously, I've been choked up all day. WTF? What grown man fucking cries because he can't go to a fucking concert? A retarded arsehole, that's what. My wife, bless her soul, said "if it's that important, change the trip dates" but that doesn't work because we really need to be in Disney in the beginning of June, because by the second week, American schools are out, and it gets crazy. But I've thought it.
Anyway, it sounds crazy, but let me try to explain why it's so important to me. Most people I know don't have artists who have made such indelible impacts on their lives. I know it's hard for my wife to get my obsessions - but how do I explain it? It's like FM is a part of me, some weird, unspoken, almost mystical part of me, and Stevie Nicks is... I dunno, I want to say my muse, but that makes me burst out laughing.... But seriously, they've been in my life, literally, since I was 6 years old. I am not lying. I listned with big can headphones to the self-titled white album in grade one, and in grade two, Rumours took over the airwaves and I know every song, note, picture on the sleeve.... I must be the only 6 year old who could say "Crystal" was their favorite song. And it made me tear up, even back then. I'm not lying. I collected pictures of Stevie as a child, I remember the excitement of hearing Christine singing on AM radio, and I still jump when I hear that awesome guitar solo at the end of "Go Your Own Way". "Landslide" still, to this day, makes me choke up, especially now that I am motherless. FUCK, even my mom liked them. I used the pretend that "Beautiful Child" was written about me. As an adult, I have fallen in love with "Tusk" and now realize Lindsey's genius, and, dare I say it, it's my fave FM album now....
Their 1982 album Mirage has a soft spot in my heart because it was the first cassette I ever bought. I got my sony walkman for my 13th birthday from Consumer's Distributing, and I know it cost like 80 dollars, which is like 200 dollars nowadays, but my usually cheap parents bought it for me, probably because they were feeling sorry for me having to move to saskatchewan and being friendless and sibling-less. Anyway, Dad drove me to South Hill Mall, I ran into A & A Records, I bought Mirage, and still have it. I loved that tape. It had Hold Me, Gypsy, and Love in Store, but also one of my fave Stevie songs, the country-tinged "That's Allright." That whole tape reminds me of sad times, but also comfortable times - driving in the winter to my aunt's place, 4 hours south of here, the cold Sask. highway, driving at night, eating some take out in the car, being with my parents.... it's bitter sweet, especially since I don't have my parents now - I know I still have dad, but it's not really him. So the whole album is comforting in ways now that I can't explain. It reminds me of driving to BC at xmas in grade 8, with butterflies of anticipation and excitement to be "going home" to my friends, family, and hometown, and it also reminds me of the sadness of leaving after xmas, and driving back to the place that made me physically ill, where I was bullied and miserable, and sad, and alone. It just encompasses so much, but more than anything, my parents were there. So now that my mom died (I am repeating what I have written before, but suck my ass, it's my blog), "Gypsy" has become even more elavated in my mind now - the song was written after Stevie's best friend, Robyn Anderson, died of leukemia after giving birth, and it makes me think of my sweet mom - when I listen to the boxed set version now, which is extended, and keeps repeating "I still see your bright eyes, bright eyes", well, I openly weep. Seriously, I can't listen to the song with anyone around now. I know, I've got to get over it, but fuck if I know how. ANYWAY, the song takes on new meaning for me now, especially since mom and Robyn had the same disease. She was just a wish, she was just a wish....
And when I hear the lines "... And a memory is all that is left for you now....", well, I choke up even typing it. Fuck, there are times I wish I still smoked, cancer be damned. Now is one of those times......
Anyway, let's just say that Stevie and Fleetwood Mac have been with me through all of my life's milestones, from the first day of school to the birth of my kids (Stevie's Trouble in Shangri-La was released the Tuesday before child #1 was born) to the death of my mom and the aftermath and void that shit has left on me. So, it's important to me to see them. I did see them in 1990, but that was without Lindsey, and Stevie was all pilled up. I need to see them again, up close. But, family trips trump this - family is what is important, and this trip is important, and my family comes first. But i just needed to mourn here what is lost in not seeing FM. And everyone thinks I have this crush on Stevie Nicks. I don't have a crush on her - yes, i am obsessed with her, but really, the connection is on a cosmic level - Even as a 6 year old, I felt the pain and knew the depth of the lyrics, and the lyrics to "Crystal" meant something to me which I couldn;t explain. It sounds absouletly crazy, I know, but I owe Stevie for my obsession with the sea. It's a cosmic thing. But, alas, it isn't in the cards to see them now. But I had to vent and bitch and I feel sorta better, for now. I am sure I'll keep on bitching tomorrow, but just tell me to shut the hell up, ok?
Anyway, peace out - so I'm back, to the velvet, underground...