Sausages, Can I Partake?

Allrighty, this will be quick, I promise - It's after midnight and I just got the last child to sleep... I am not kidding. They are both kinda not feeling well. Lil' Kim has got a snotty nose and had a bad night last night, and, bless her 22 month old heart, she had a nap this afternoon, AND a nap at 6:30 tonight, until 7:30. Coininky-dinkily, Keryn for some reason fell asleep at 5:30 and slept until 7:30, so they were NOT tired tonight. So, they are sleeping now, and I am watching "The Shining" right now on IFC. It just started, but already it is scaring the shit out of me. So, I gotta get to bed soon before I get too freaked out. I am also trying not to vomit or something. I started taking Salmon Oil capsules again, but stupid fucking me took two at once and I just feel like I am going to heave up buckets of salmon juice. Yes, I never said this blog was pretty....

First off, it felt like it shoulda been a full moon the past two days. Work was insane. I had my frigging shorts in a knot for 2 days, fighting with everyone about stupid shit.... lol, but I was in no mood to let anything go. Margo will attest to my peacemaking abilities, so you gotta know I was riled up not to just let it all go. But anyway, all that unpleasantness is in the past.

Now, I just have to comment on something Roxanne wrote. She said she just finished Augusten Burrough's Running with Scissors and loved it. Well, that made my night, because I am his new disciple. He's the cat's ass - I loved Running with Scissors - it was so tragic, but he's so funny that I just pissed myself through the whole thing. Dry was almost better than Running with Scissors. I also bought his new one, Magical Thinking, a book of essays, and he's just so twisted, he should be my long lost brother. He's the cat's ass, he really is. If he was a woman, and I wasn't married, I'd marry him. However, as we find out in Magical Thinking, he has this strange fixation with transexuals, so who knows, maybe he WILL be a woman someday.... holy shit, you know what he told a telemarketer? He asked her if she was a post-op transexual, and asked her the depth of her new vagina and if it was self-lubricating, or something like that.... oh, you just have to read it, it's funnier than it sounds (lol, it really isn't as bad taste as that sounds, really). Just start reading Running with Scissors. Trust me. After you read Jennifer Weiner's Good in Bed.
Ok, I don't want to appear really shallow or anything, because as Liz Phair says so well, I am extraordinary, if you ever get to know me (Love that song, love that Liz, that foul mouthed firecracker!), but you know, my life has so many Seinfeld moments that are just... well... wrong. For instance, I am ashamed to even admit this, but today, a coworker was at this other career fair, and so Sharon and I went to visit her for a bit. Well, this thing was huge, and there was this woman there who was just dressed in the most frightening thing - well, the outfit wasn't bad, but she was wearing this miniskirt and these boots that went up to her knees, and they were, I am not lying, gold and lime green. I mean, it was just freaky. It was like being in a room with Elton John or something. So of course we are freaking out going "holy shit, look at that". So we leave ,and head back to the office, and our coworker calls and says she needs us to bring a box of stuff asap, so we get ready to go again, and we run into another coworker (we'll call this one coworker X, to protect the innocent). So we say to X, "OMG, this woman has lime green and gold boots, you gotta see" - by the way, X was just refilling her glass at the water cooler - so she says ok, and takes her water with her and we all jump into the car to drop off the box of stuff and look at the freaky boots.... Like, if that isn't Jerry and Elaine, I don't know what is. Oh, then when we were there, there were these 2 geeky teenage boys, musta been like 16, and looked straight out of the nerd group in Sixteen Candles, and they must have seen sausages or something (I dunno what the hell they were looking at) and they said in this robotic voice "sausages! Can I partake? Sausages, Can I partake" and so you know what Sharon and I said the rest of the day.... LOL so the last time she said it to me, I turned to her and said "are you coming on to me??" Oh, nevermind, you had to be there...
OMG, this show is freaking me out. I haven't seen it in years, and I LOVE these kinds of movies, but not by myself, at night, in the semi dark. The kid is doing that bent-finger talk after he sees those ghost twins.... ugh.... And whats her name, Olive Oyl, the mom in here, is so freakish looking.... they all are freakish looking....
Well, I better get my fat ass to bed. If the kids are ok tomorrow, we might hit garage sales, if the rain lets up.
The golden globes are over, y'all y'all yall! (I am never gonna let that one die, I hope you all know),
JT