The Plane, The Plane, Boss, the Plane

Ok, first off, the funny thing from today. I was reading Margo's blog at work, and I see she has this adorable picture of herself from when she was like 2 years old posted. It's the sweetest picture, and her hair is all dolled up. Actually, I referred to it as Tammy Wynette hair. Well, I get a glimpse of the picture and just see this tiny person in a dress, and this Tammy Wynette hair, and my first thought was "who's the fucking midget?!?" and then I clicked on it and realized it was my dear Margo - sorry to any little people reading this, no disrespect, it's just what I thought, word for word. So that was funny. Hey, speaking of little people, the Simpsons spoofed Tatoo and Fantasy Island once, and had Tattoo saying "Boss, the plane" and Mr. Rourke saying "no, my freakish little friend, that's a crow" or something.... LOL, I have way too many Simpson's lines going through my head.....
Speaking of little people, I have another book to recommend, one of my all-time favorites. I guarantee you, you will not be disappointed. It is called Maybe the Moon, by Armistead Maupin, the dude who wrote all of the Tales of the City books. It's about a "little person" who was an actress that was the person who was inside the suit of this lovable alien (just like ET) and yada yada yada - I just KNOW it is based on a true story, so I am convinced it is the story of some midget who was inside E.T. or something. Anyway, I urge you to buy it, borrow it, and track it down. Please, for the love of God, do it for me - have I steered you wrong yet?
Oh, give me a break - Life Network is on right now, and it's that stupid sex show, the one with the blondish woman who looks like that chick on the View, and that creepy looking Asian guy, and they get a group of guys together and a group of women together and then they like shoot pool and shit, and talk about sex. Anyway, it's always so stupid, because I mean, I so don't believe any of these people are doing what they say they are doing. Tonight it seems that the topic is something to do with whether or not you are more uninhibited when you have sex with a stranger, and so they are all saying blah blah blah, and I don't believe a word of it, because if these people are all getting some, then the strangers they are picking up must be pretty fucking drunk..... The last time I saw it, it was about oral sex, and these dudes were all blah blah blah and you just so know they couldn't find their way out of a fucking paper bag, and these women were trying to be all trashy talking porn star wannabes with their discussion of how they like it done, and how they like to do it, and I mean, all I can think is, you know, what do you do - call your mother and say "hey, I'm gonna be on tv Saturday, talking about how good I am at giving a blow job" or "hi mama, turn to channel 27 at 6:00 - I'm on talking about how I went down on that stripper." Honest to goodness, think of your parents! So why do I watch this, you ask? Because I can't find the remote, that's why. But I do admit to watching Kink on Showcase and the Independent Film Channel, just to see how odd people can be. It's Canadian, and they like follow these people who are into kink. Thus far, my favorites have been Jules, the old guy who has this thing for putting these big... I dunno, pickle jars or something, on his nipples and stomach and then someone does something, heats them up, and they vacuum suction themselves, and so he gets all red and stuff.... it's almost the craziest shit I have ever seen, except for the other couple who like shrink-wrap themselves in these latex body suits, and they can only breathe through a straw, and they float each other in a tub of water... OMG, you gotta see it.... So anyway, enough of that. As Jane's Addiction so aptly put it, Nothing's shocking.
I didn't go see the queen, because I couldn't give a rat's ass, but I did see a bunch of friends on tv at the thing, so that was cool. Oh, to answer your question Margo, I am going to the gala with my sister Libby. It will be so lame - check out the people there. www.centennialgala.com
But, my Joni will be in attendance supposedly, or she better be......
Margo commented on her blog today about being hormonal - she tracked two moods to her "cycle" - that's such a touchy thing. Rachel would always deny she had pms but I always knew - back when she was on the pill, it would happen about every third month, on the Sunday before her "visitor" would arrive. Off the pill, it only happens once in a while, and nothing annoys her more than me saying, when she's bitchy, "what, are you dropping an egg or something?" LOL, I can be such an asshole sometimes, can't I?
I was thinking tonight about the names I gave people in the blog. I gave my wife the name Rachel, but now I am thinking if we have a girl, we might call her that, so then what? ANd the kids... lol, I am sick of using these fake names...... I am almost tempted to start putting pictures on here, but then for sure someone will find me, and then the jig's up!
I didn't eat one lean cuisine today - I ate regular meals, but something is NOT agreeing with me, and, not to be, well, indelicate, but, well... how do I say this politely? How about, I've been farting like a motherfucker? Why am I telling you this? Because I have no shame. Oh, weird neurotic/hypochondriac moment today - I sorta got a migraine - I get them quite often in the spring, but don't usually harp on them because it's not a big deal, except I had a real bad one last week, worst I've ever had, so that one freaked me out, because nothing would make it better, and I couldn't look at light or whatever. So I was freaked out about that one, and then today, BOOM, I am talking to Sharon in her office and suddenly it was like someone flashed a camera in my face, and I couldn't quite make her out even, it was all like.... flashy. So then I am freaking out thinking "You are going blind. You are going blind." I go back to my office, thinking it was the lights in her office, but it was still weird. I then thought I'd go home, so I get in my car and start thinking "what if it keeps happening and I can't see when I'm driving?" so I got all freaked out..... LOL, I am such a dork. Anyway, came home, took some pills, and all is well, but I almost started laughing in the car because I was so freaked out - how will I make it home? I need help....
So what about Idol? I think my Vonzell is going to be gone, but I REALLY want her to win. I am so sick of Bo. We already have a Bo in the world already - he's married to Kate Hudson. Go away Bo.
And Paula. Honest to fucking goodness, is she on crack? Like, "you are so good but more importantly, you are shining on the inside and it's beautiful to see? thank you." WTF? What does any of that ever MEAN? Canadian Idol starts in two weeks, and I can't wait, because last year it was so much better than American Idol. Americans reading this, try and find this show.
Oh, finally, one vignette from the ghetto, today. My office is downtown, right on the main street of town, which I am sure was the hub of activity 80 years ago, but now is just, well, bumtown, and my office has a full-length window on the ground floor, facing the sidewalk. Well, I see drug deals and crazy people all damn day, but today was this old man in a scooter being accosted by this crazy crack head or something with a big old metal front tooth, and she was all skinny and strung out looking and she must have asked him for money, and he held up 50 cents (or fiddy cents, as I like to say), and she mustn't have liked that because she gets all loud and he puts it back and wheels off a bit and she turns around and starts yelling "I want a strawberry banana Orange Julius!" at the top of her lungs at him. It freaked me out, because there are so many freaked out people all over the place downtown, and, as David Byrne would ask "How did they get here?" So, it sorta freaks me out, but you can't help not watch. One day Sharon and I were walking back from coffee and this pimp looking fella was walking fast and this hooker looking lady was following him yelling, so we followed them... lol, we coulda got shanked, but we had to know what the story was.
Ok, gotta run, have a great Wednesday. The post is over, y'all, y'all, y'all!
xo
JT