Augusten Buroughs needs to write me something quick

Singing with Celebs - let me say this: Wynnona - Wynonna - Wynona? However you spell it - was on singing with some "Celebrity" that we have no idea who he is or what he is supposedly famous for, and let me just say this - bitch looks frightening. Now, I really like Wy, and she'd be someone I could see myself hangin' with, but if I did, there would come a point where I'd have to say "Darling, you are dressing and doing your hair like Liza Minelli during one of her drug-adled marriages to a flamboyantly gay man." Honest to God, that's who she looked like. She looked sort of like she was wearing a Camaro with flames painted on the side. It was this long coat thing with flame-colored shit on the sides. Like a muscle car, I kid you not. And then she had that freaky make-up she always wears, and that sort of woman-mullet she has that sort of "I want to look like a lesbian, but I unfortunately like dick" feel to it. You know what I mean. So to sum up, she was wearing a muscle car, with lots of funeral make-up, and a lesbian wanna-be hairdo. And the very fact she was on this show freaked me out because you gotta be some sort of freaky has-been to do this. They had Randy Travis on last week, and let me say, bitch is even uglier than before. He's so creepy, and remember he married that manager that was old enough to be his mama? I am not even going to go there. Jeffrey Osborne is on right now, and I actually own his greatest hits cd. I really like him. He's singing with Alfatso Ribero - oops, did I say that out loud? Oh, and someone answer me: what the fuck is up with Little Richard? Really, what is the deal with him? Why would you make yourself look like that? He's like a black Liberace. Ain't no way he's ever gotten laid in the past 30 years. And what the fuck is he ever saying? And Marie Osmond looks like someone took an iron to her face, and then grabbed some fun-tack and squished the shit in the corner of her eyes. David Foster is just a frigging loser. I am so sick of all his trite bullshit - I hated the St. Elmo's fire "Man in Motion" song and all that other crap he's done. Well, I have a soft spot for Chaka Khan's "Through the Fire" that he produced, but ain't nobody can fuck up Chaka, so that cancels that out.
As you can tell, I am avoiding talking about BB7 because I am just so fucking mad. SO. FUCKING. MAD. If that piss face wins, I'll be choked because he didn't do a damn thing. I'd like to wipe my ass with his fucking Dolce t-shirt and then shove it down his throat while I push him out the door, yelling "that's a class act!" Then I'd throw Erika in the chair and tell her to dummy up and not be so desparate and give the bitch a couple bowls of slop to fatten her up and fill in those hollow face bones. Ah, they are all crazy.
So then on Rock Star Supernova, Dilana is so fucking crazy and has sucked. And so she does her lame original song, a week after saying she was sorry for talking shit about her bandmates, and what does the bitch do? She fucking says "this song is a big fuck you to the fans on the internet!" Can you say STUPID? I wouldn't trust her to clean my frigging cat box now, let alone front my band. So she shot herself in the foot. And then her song last night they loved and I thought was terrible. Absolutely terrible. Storm did an awesome encore. She sang one of my top 10 favorite songs, "Wish you Were Here" by Pink Floyd, and she nailed it. I always have to fight the urge to cry when I hear that song. It reminds me of my brother in law who died 9 years ago. But anyway, she was cheated. She was good, but she sort of creeped me out. She was butch in this weird way that was just unsettling. And I hated when she tried to sex it all up because that was unsettling too. She is sort of a creepy asexual thing, when you get right down to it, because the butch thing and the slut blonde thing both don't add up. I actually liked Lukas' song, don't hate me. Tobey was good. Magni is nice, but I probably just like him because I was obsessed with Iceland as a child, and still have this weird obsession with it. But he's just fucking boring, to be honest. So I dunno, they will pick Lukas or Tobey. Probably Tobey. But really, they will suck shit no matter what.
Ok, what else.... we survived first day of kindergarten. I cried all frigging morning. I'll post about it on the weekend - not in the mood tonight.
Tomorrow she starts her first ballet class. I hope she doesn't get scared and will do it. She will love it once she gets over her shyness, so I hope it goes well. Then we are going to our neighbors for supper and I hope the kids, being the picky eaters they are, won't say "I don't like this". LOL, the shit that stresses you out.
Work is so hectic, I don't have time to piss, because I am fielding calls or seeing people or putting out fires. Another week or so and things will slow down, but FUCK, that seems like a long way off. But anyway, the days go fast.
Well, I have shit out enough useless babble to choke a horse, so I'll leave it at that. It FINALLY cooled off tonight, after a couple days of 30 degree heat, and there is even a frost warning, so I think I will hop in the tub and reread Augusten Burrough's Dry. Fuck, he needs to write faster. Auggie, if you are reading this, give me some grocery lists or something of yours to read. You hear me? I need more, bee-otch!
Anyway, I just saw a commerical for Friday's and they sell deep-fried mac and cheese. I can't decide if I am revolted or intrigued.....
Kenny Loggins and Lucy Lawless are singing "Whenever I Call You Friend" and bitch ain't no Stevie Nicks.... and Kenny Loggins is all into this colonic bullshit and he's so thin and always sweating like a mofo, and I think he needs to stop the colonics and have a fucking hamburger.
Well, that's about all I have to say. Oh, and I am sending out good vibes and hugs to Chunks as she had to say goodbye to her beloved dog today. I know the hideous, horrible shitty-ass kick in the gut feeling of losing a dog - I still have Daisy's bowl in the garage with food and some of her hair in it that I refuse to dump. I still have a lump in my throat thinking about her. It still breaks my heart thinking of Kelly asking us who drove Daisy to Heaven in the stars. And the kids still say hi to Daisy when they are out on starry nights. So here's to you, our puppies in the stars.
xo
JT