Marci's choice

I know, I know, I haven't blogged for like a month. And I will do an update this weekend, I promise. We are going to the lake tomorrow and I am going to bring the laptop so I can write. However, I just was catching up with Chunk's blog, and see her daughter is thinking of having sex with her boyfriend on their 6 month anniversary, and I need to help her stop it. Chunks honey, you have to ask her this:
First, they have been dating 6 months and he's got some rubbers and she doesn't want to go on the pill because of the pelvic exam. Tell her that if she can't handle a doctor sticking a frigging shoehorn or whatever up her hoo-hoo, then she's got a shock coming when, 9 months later, the doctor is cramming a pair of foreseps up her privates to get his big-headed kid removed from her body. Also, Ask her how close they are. Ask her if they fart in front of each other with ease. That is always the comfort barrier in a relationship. If she doesn't want him to hear her fart, ask her if she is ready for him to see her projectile pooping whilst she is straining under a severe contraction when she is pushing out his baby after the condom broke nine months before.
Also, ask her just how comfortable she will feel with him seeing her hoo-hoo looking like hamburger, after said forseps do their trick.... and ask him how he will feel about gettin' with that again....
Sit them both down and then ask HIM what sounds like more fun: Going to a prenatal class together as teenagers in a room full of smug married 30-somethings, and having to tell the class that your baby's room is being set up real nice in your mom's house, while the other parents and the teacher are all chattering behind your back about what a shame it is to see such young people ruining their lives - or masturbating. I bet dollars to donuts he picks the latter. You can then do your sex with Sue imitation and use crude slang and tell him ain't nobody ever died or ruined their lives from beating the ole meat. Do the whole Sue thing and break out some lubes and such. By this point, after having his girlfriend's mother talking to him about jacking off, he will not only not want to sleep with her anymore, he'll never be able to pleasure himself either.
Finally, tell her they don't have to take their clothes off to have a good time. They can dance and party all night, and drink some cherry wine, uh huh... .(kudos if you remember who sang that song).
I never thought I would be like this, but now that I have daughters (and, quite frankly, if I had sons too), ain't no fucking way they are going to be sexxing it up under my watch, no sireee.
Anyway, hope this helps, Chunks. Let's keep these kids free from lust!
Yours in Chastity (as in no sex, not as in Cher's daughter, because, quite frankly, ain't nobody really gettin' IN Chastity Bono, if you know what I am sayin... oh, that was so terrible, slap me Dorothy),
JT