"Give me the scissors, you hillbilly white bitch, and nobody gets hurt," said Stevie Wonder to Opal, the alcoholic, drunk driving hairdresser.

Yo bitches, sup? Ok, so you aren't bitches. I just trying to keep it real, y'all, as I am watching the Chappelle Show, which I have to admit I think is fucking funny. Yeah, there is still some gross teenage boy in me deep down. Mea culpa.
Anyway, this is just a quickie, as I have to get to bed in 5 minutes, since I am off to Saskatoon tomorrow and must be fresh as a daisy for my meetings.
So, it has been pissing down rain for days now, and as you all know, I love rain and I usually am the happiest when it is raining, but today the weather did nothing but make me crabby and tired. So, thank the sweet Lord that it will be clearing tomorrow night.
As you can see, I have nothing really to say. I am addicted to youtube.com. I've spent hours looking at Stevie Nicks/Fleetwood Mac videos and old commercials. I'm watching " Sweetest Taboo" by Sade right now. I love this fucking song.But damn, bitch looked old as the hills back then and she was what, 25? I also thought her dancing was cool in this video, but she looks sort of like an uncomfortable white guy when you really look at her moves.
But anyway, I have nothing to say, and I need to get to bed, but I will close with a recap of my haircut on Friday. I ran out on my coffee break to get the old noggin a clippin', and I went to this place by my work - let's call it "White Trash Haircutting Inc." I mean, I realize that this place isn't run by Jose Eber or anything, as it is supposedly a discount chain that is basically a small step up from Ultracuts, but still, you expect a certain product no matter where you go. Well, I've been to this place a couple times before because it's close to work, and I mean, 10 years ago I spent 50 bucks on my fucking hair, back when I was getting the old mushroom 'do and streaks and all that fucking fruity-ass shit I used to think was cool, but now I just want someone to shave the everloving shit out of my head and leave me some bangs to scrunch. So I am quite pleased to spend 13 dollars on my hair now. So anyway, each time I've been to White Trash Hillbilly Haven, I've had, well, white trash chicks cutting my hair. I mean no offense by this tag, but it is usually by women with multicolored hair and up-do's and it's not chic, but, well, that white trashy look, like they were drinking all night and stopped at the Husky for some coffee, and then wiped off the blood from last night's fight, and changed their panties from last night's fucking, and chainsmoked a couple rollies and then sauntered into work, ready to tackle a new day with a pot of coffee and some gossip.
OK, that's mean, but you know what I mean. So anyway, when I went in at Xmas, it was a big drama because the manager type woman, the one who looks sort of like Annie Potts in Pretty in Pink, but chubby and with white hair, was on the phone with the big boss in, I dunno, Saskatoon/Calgary/Edmonton/Winnipeg or wherever head office is. So anyway, she's on the phone and telling this guy that so and so ripped off money from the debit machine, and she gets off the phone and starts calling this chick and saying she has to come in for a meeting because so and so said she didn't take the money from the bogus debit slip and on and on, and they are saying this all in front of me.
So on Friday, I walk in, manager lady is on the phone, and I have to wait for the other broad to get back in from having her smoke. So she comes and doesn't say anything while she is cutting and I start listening to this juicy one from manager lady on the phone about how soon there will be nobody but her working there in July because everyone is quitting and she needs the ad placed today, because so and so came in and saw this other chick's purse full of Paul Mitchell product that she stole. So then I am all "hmmm, interesting" so then Lurlene pipes up and asks what I did on the long weekend, to which I said I went to the lake. Well, I should take it as a compliment because she must have thought I was young like her and she goes "did the cops search you?" because there was a booze ban at all campgrounds, and she proceeded to tell me that there were no cops in her town that weekend (Margo, she's from "Conch Creek", you know, west of town, where you got hell for dumping your ashtray at the gas station). So she tells me it was grad in "CanDen" that weekend, and they were going to go but the cops would have been there, and since they were "booze cruising" they didn't want to get stopped. So I am sitting there thinking that I can't believe someone still uses the word booze cruise, and amazed she thought I was young, but then immediately thought "how fucking stupid are you to drink and drive, bitch" which means I have grown up somewhat. But I said nothing, and she told me about how her brother didn't see any cops at the lake he went to either. So that freaked me out because even if I was 19, it isn't right to tell a complete stranger you are "booze cruising". OH, yeah, and they couldn't go to the grad either because so and so, when she got her new "subs" put in her car, they forgot to put the seatbelts back in. What the fuck, is it 1988 again????
SO that was the haircut.
But damn, she did it right, just like I like it, with the number 1 guard and just enough bang to gel and scrunch. SO, to my booze cruisin' Lurlene, kudos. Long may you run. But if I ever see you drinking on the highway, I am getting your ass thrown in jail where it belongs, bitch.
Ok, gotta get to bed. If I have time tomorrow, I will post about my favorite (well, the only one I know, I guess) transexual, and also the kidnapping of a certain friend that was straight out of a sitcom.
Until then, may your hair be cut by someone who doesn't drink and drive. I feel like Stevie Wonder should have popped out of the back and said "give me the scissors.... just give me the scissors".
xo
JT