fray pipty two and other things whispered in the night

Just a quick note. I had to post because I am still completely breaking out in gales of laughter over Chunks' recent post (www.heartinhand.wordpress.com). I admit I didn't finish the entire post, as I read it on my Blackberry. My sister in law babysat our kids today whilst me and the Mrs. did our frigging weekend job, and went to pick them up and while we were sitting there waiting for the kids to get it together and go, I played with the phone and saw the post and I was laughing so hard I was trying to read it aloud, but I couldn't get the words out - there was something so funny about the "fray pipty-too" and I can just see her sitting there repeating it quickly to herself to try and figure it out. It reminded me of this one time when we had a family reunion in Williston, North Dakota for our family and my mom's sister's family. Why would we have a family reunion in a small, North Dakota town, you ask? Well, that's how we do things.

Anyway, one morning, me, Rachel, my sister, her now-deceased husband, and their two young kids were sitting in a Perkins or something and ordering breakfast. My sister orders something and the waitress looks at her and says "what kind of fooot do you want with it?" and of course my sister replies "pardon me"? and she again says "what kind of fooot do you want with it?" and immediately me, Rachel and my brother in law all bury our heads back in our menus and I am almost wetting myself, and my sister is getting redder and redder and stammering, and finally she says "isn't it supposed to come with it?" which of course makes absolutely no sense, and the waitress then says "I dunno, I'll check." You had to be there, but holy moly, it was funny. My sister bitched us out all day - well, she does every time she tells the story, even 20 years later.

I love those stories. Another time, me and my old coworker Sharon went across the street to this Chinese cafe for lunch. Sharon went through this bizarre, traumatic morning due to a crazy coworker, so I took her for lunch to try and calm her down. Big mistake. You see, Sharon would always panic when we went there, because the Chinese woman who runs the place is too hard to understand, and since she coincidentally knows Sharon's parents, she always would babble on and on, and Sharon would get all red and blotchy and panicked because fuck if any of us knew what Su was saying. So anyway, we place our orders and Sharon gets some kind of hot hamburger dealie - well, Su brings the food and then she realizes she forgot Sharon's gravy or something and comes up to her and asks "you want gravy on that or it's awwwrighht?" and waved her hand over her entire plate. Sharon suddenly gets this horrid panicked look goes "umm, whaat? and Su repeats the thing, complete with the hand wave over the entire plate, and I can clearly tell Sharon has no clue at all what any word was, except the "s'allright". So finally I step in and say "it's s'allright" and then bark at her "I hope you didn't want gravy on everything because you can't go back now". Again, you had to be there. So why am I telling you this shit? Because I can. Goonie-goo-goo, bitch.