you might think i'm foolish

My ass is so extremely itchy and irritated right now. I'm just saying, is all. If you dont' want to hear about it, well, it's my blog, so goony goo goo, bitch. It's hard being a man, is all I have to say, what with chafing issues and such.
So anyway, it looks like I may have a few minutes to blog - MAYBE. My two oldest are having a sleepover with their cousins at grandma and grandpa's house. I am just awaiting the call saying they want us. I miss them and wouldn't be sad to see one come or both come home, but at the same time, i know they'd feel sad they had to come home, so I hope they stay. Ahhh... I love my babies..... and when people are all "oh, nice, get rid of the kids for the night" I think "I don't WANT to be away from them, they will be time enough for them to get away from us before we know it because they grow up so fast." That was a blatant comma slice. Deal with it.
LOL, I sound so snippy, don't I? I am sassier than Flo tonight, I am. Sorry. I have been sort of fighting this little bit of sadness in the back of my mind over someone I don't even know. Someone out in blogland, who I don't even read regularly (because I barely fucking floss regularly, let alone keep up with anyone anymore), but who I check out periodically because I think she's the biggest sweetheart this side of Green Gables. Anyway, this person has been trying to have a baby for a while, and finally conceived, and now perhaps has lost the baby, and when I heard that today, I wanted to bawl my eyes out. It really bothered me, because when you just know that someone would be an awesome parent, and nature isn't cooperating, well, it's the shits. No other way to put it. So if you are the praying sort of person, send out a silent prayer for her, and if you aren't, send a hug in your heart to them.
I have seen so many people who have reproduction issues, and it breaks my heart for so many reasons. A former coworker of mine, who must be almost 40, has had at least one, perhaps two, miscarriages that I secretly know about (she doesn't know anyone knows - long story how I found out) and she is someone who REALLY needs to have a baby because she needs to get the focus of her life off of work and negativity and being in control. Because I know she doesn't like how she is, deep down, because she really is a good person deep down, but has so many shields up. I hope nature comes through for her.
And our close friends and neighbors.... i can never remember what I call them on here - Sebastian and Lisa? Something like that? Anyway, it took them a long time to conceive - they had an appointment to start taking....LOL... what the hell do you call them.... reproduction drugs... LOLOL I am too tired... anyway, they had the appointment, and got pregnant in the meantime. I think the problem was him, but he rides a fucking bike everywhere, so you know me, I point blank said "you gotta stop riding that stupid bike to work" because he was the one who told me the angle of my bike seat was killing my prostate, but still rode his bike miles a day, but nobody ever listens to me. Anyway, they have a daughter now who is almost two, and they want another kid so bad, but so far nothing. And the thing is, they are so devoted. They have given up every extra-curricular activity now that they are parents. Before this, they were involved in dinner theatre and the arts community, but now, rightly so, their focus is their daughter. I so want them to get pregnant again.
And then another colleague/friend I know who is a year older than me had two miscarriages before having their daughter a couple years ago, and now they are trying again, and nothing so far.....
I think of these people, the woman in blogland, the friends who live behind us, the two coworkers..... and then I think about the stupid bastards who left the baby in Toronto yesterday, in the parking garage. The cutest frigging kid.... deserted in a cold stairwell in a parking garage on the coldest day of the year in Toronto. And I just want to find the parents and rip the mom's ovaries out, and chop the dad's dick off and shove it in his ear, and throw them in jail for 200 years. Google the story and you will see the beautiful baby. It just makes me want to bawl.
And I think about that fucking retard bitch (I always feel bad using the term retard, but I am too tired to think of another one) who gives birth in our Walmart bathroom and leaves her baby to drown and die in a fucking shitty filthy toilet, and why the hell do these morons get to have babies? Where is the fucking sense in anything? So I am sort of sad and angry that our blogland friend is going through this. It's not fair. And I feel relieved, but also sort of guilty, that Rachel and I just have to look at each other and bang, she's pregnant. Seriously, we just say "wanna have a baby?" and then she'll say "I'm ovulating", we'll hump, and two weeks later a line appears on the stick. It's been that easy. Number one was conceived the first time we didn't use birth control. Number two was the longest stretch - took three months, and let me tell you, when you HAVE to have sex, according to an ovulation test thingy, the romance is certainly not there. Number three was conceived during the first week we tried. Ditto number 4. I am so thankful, but also feel guilty and worried, because blogland lady seems much more deserving. Does that make any sense? I always feel guilty for everything.
Anyway, send out a prayer for a miracle for them, ok? And hugs.
So that was a fucking downer, wasn't it? I refuse to even comment on the frozen babies on Yellow Quill. I cant even go there.
And Roxanne said in an email this week she was thinking so much of Britney. Me too. Which is why the bitch is my doppelganger (Rox, not Britney - well, maybe Britney too, since I seem to spend so much time wondering about her). I admit, she's good joke fodder, and I laughed my arse off at the MTV Awards, but I have ALWAYS felt sorry for her and felt affinity for her. Maybe it's her love of fast food and Starbucks, I don't know, but I mean, of course she's nuttier than a fucking Payday Bar - imagine every move you made was scrutinized by the tabloids. HELLS BELLS. I used to try to hide the regularity we brought home take out food from our old neighbors - imagine that being published in the papers every day: "JT Enjoys a Big Mac!" "JT has a Venti Frappachino with not one, but THREE ginger cookies!" "JT orders pizza twice in one week!" "Local Doctor declares JT's Health in danger from fast food addiction". Admit it, you've been there. Imagine if you were Britney? You couldn't take a shit without someone trying to steal it and put it on the internet, a la the movie... LOL... fuck.. .which movie was it... Mama Mia... or The Adventures of Priscillia, Queen of the Desert?" Anyway, I feel for her. AND tell me - what sort of parent let's their kid, at 16, dress up in school girl garb, act all sex-kittenish, and sing "Hit Me Baby"? Suck my fucking ass, Mr. and Mrs. Spears, but you two ain't fucking no Ozzy and Harriet. I mean, no wonder she married K-Fed - you didn't allow her to grow up naturally. SO she makes bad decisions, has babies by the most fertile gross creep this side of fucking Pa Kettle (or me, I suppose), and then goes bonkers. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that this was coming. You dropped the fucking ball, Mr. and Mrs. Spears, and now poor Brit has to suffer.
And while I am never one to blame teen pregnancy on parents, because I really do understand that when kids hump, you can't always stop them, BUT FUCK me Dorothy, when you send your SECOND child out to bring home the bacon for your lazy asses, and she gets knocked up at 16, well, what in the fuck is wrong with this picture? My kids love Zoey 101 - how do I tell them that it will be cancelled because the little girl got herself knocked up and is having a baby so she can get press? It's all wrong, I tell you. I admit, I give my kids such guilt trips, it's horrid, but when you fuck up with one when you make her a star, stop the fucking pattern, you retards.
And I will admit this - "Gimme More" by Britney fucking ROCKS man. I LOVE that song. And that other Freakshow one too. Viva la fucking Britney. Britney and Lady Di - my two soul sisters. She'd be alive right now if I could have counselled her on Dodie....
So anyway, send out a happy thought for Brit. And her poor kids. Because as that Black girl can probably attest to, K-Fed ain't no daddy of the year. Shar - whatever...
What else.... OH! I think the only one I told this to was Chunks. My dogs humped the other day. Under the table. While we were eating. It was so hideous. They weren't stuck for long, and I hope the little shit was shooting blanks. He got fixed today. Lady is all pissy with him. She misses his knackers. Well, it's all over now, baby blue. Get used to a life of chastity. And, by the way, you are next, bitch! Say goodbye to the ovaries!
So that's that. I realize I haven't tackled anything I said in my outline of stuff I wanted to blog about.
I am still rereading Helter Skelter. I reread that stupid book every decade or so. And, as always, it scares the everloving fuck out of me. I throw it under the bed every night when I turn out the light, and lay there all freaked out. I have no idea why it bothers me so much, but it does. Anyway, it's so scary, but I will declare it right here - I should have no fear of it, because it's just a book and the Manson family were loony tunes.... but damn, it's creepy. Read it, so you can be freaked out with me. And it's 600 pages, so it will take you awhile.
I am craving a ciggie right now. I just had a glass of wine, so I guess that makes sense. Fuck man, I wish I never ever had tried smoking. Smokers, give up the evil weed. You can do it. That's all I'll say. I was thinking today about Carol Burnett's daughter Carrie, who died of lung cancer in her late 30s. It can happen, we are not invincible. I nag because I love you all. It's why I am going to lose 50 lbs. I refuse to die of colon cancer from a bad diet and a sedentary life style, because I don't want to be on my deathbed thinking "if only I ate bananas instead of Mars bars, my cells would have remained true". So take that as notice that JT is gonna be healthy and sexy for the summer.
Anyway, I forgot to tell you all I bought a webcam, but I don't want to do public VLOG ever, because I don't want anyone finding out I am JT, so if I ever do a VLOG, I'll tell ya, and you can request it from me - I dunno how to work the settings aka the compression shit - but I'll figure it out.
Anyone ever notice that on HOUSE HUNTERS on HGTV, poor Suzanne Wang never gets to go to where the houses are, but instead she's just taped in studio city or wherever she is? Poor girl.
LOL can you tell House Hunters is on right now?
I wish we had an IKEA here, because I am craving their meatballs right now. Can you tell that I am hungry?
Anyway, I guess I better go, since my dogs need to go to bed - Lady is a little too interested in Brutus' wound - I guess she's still a little randy?
Anyway, have a good weekend - I suppose I'll have to blog my outline from last time NEXT time.
May all your ups and downs be in bed (LOL that's so grade 10 yearbook.. LOL)
Happy weekend all,
JT