a whole bunch o rambling

In addition to "My Dingaling" (see previous post), I've been annoyed by the Jingle Cats - remember them? Those cats meowing Xmas carolls? Well, the kids loved it, so we had to watch it over and over (damn this Tivo-type thingy that lets you rewind!). Then, I watched Sheena Easton's "Strut" a couple times. Then I saw Depeche Mode's "Master and Servant" and that brought back memories because that used to be one of my favorite songs and I bought not one, but TWO stupid 12 inch single remix imports of it - the "Black and Blue Mix" and the "Slavery Whip Mix" and brother, let me tell you, they were hardly any different, and so I was out 10 bucks. Anyway, it reminded me of Margo, because, long story short, she was in Edmonton visiting mama one summer and the record store called her house and said her EP was in, and she thought it was her rare copy of Duran Duran's pre-major label EP (Carnival? ), but it was actually my Depeche Mode EP. How sad, eh? She was so let down. Ah Margs, I am sure that bitch sucked, anyway.
So anyway, I am taking Devo's advice and having some wine (as for her other suggestion, the seranading was successful - hurrah!) and chilling out - I think I am over the Dan Fogelberg thing... lol. Chunks, you DO know a Dan song - you must know "Longer", a song I actually don't like. Anyway, I'll yousendit some Dan to you sometime. OH! I've got a funny one to tell you about - you won't believe I actually did this. WELL. Remember when I said a long time ago that I read a handful of Christian bloggers from my town? Well, the one who I keep up to the most is this pastor of a church, and he lives a few blocks from me. His blog is sort of famous actually, been featured in the media and shit, and I just really like him. Well, turns out we know his wife sorta - we are on the same school committee, so last month we all got talking and i said I read her hubby. Well, then yesterday, she sends out an email to the commitee that they are having their annual xmas "open house" from 2:00-9:00, so stop by if we want. I check her hubby's blog, which I hadn't read in like a month and he says something like "even if we don't know you, feel free to stop in for cider" and then I read the post below - stating his sadness at the loss of.... you guess it.... Dan Fogelberg.... and then two songs of Dan's. They also had a web cam set up in the kitchen for the open house, and so I called the Mrs. at work and told her we were invited and she logged in and was fascinated at watching their empty kitchen, so anyway, I leave work early, and then since they live almost across from the kids' school, I just marched up and went in! LOL, there was nobody but me and an old lady there, but I said to him "I figured it was a sign because nobody else was mourning Dan Fogelberg with me" and it was awkward, but the point is, I went. Even though I knew the wife, I actually went to meet someone who I only know in blog land. So that was cool.
What else..... almost done all my shopping. I just have two last minute things to get tomorrow. The crowds and crabby sales people bring out the worst in people. I've had some really hideous service lately. Last night I was in Zellers, and this fat bitch was so fucking rude and hostile to take my fucking money, I wanted to tell her to shove it up her fucking fat ugly arse and hopefully the coins would contain traces of e coli and she'd be on the shitter for weeks with bloody diahreah and roids. But instead, I took the high road and thanked old fatass shitface. Because it's the holidays.
Then today, I am in Sears. Now, I don't know about Sears wherever the hell you live, but in my town, Sears is so ass-backwards in terms of check outs. Like, there is no glaringly apparent tills anywhere - they are just sort of hidden. So the store doesn't even appear all that busy, and I grab my jeans really quick (501s over 50% off, along with all of mens wear - a wet dream for a clothes whore like me) and head to the till. There are like 6 people ahead of me, and I see this old bat with, seriously, about 4 stacks of sweaters, stacks of like 5 or 7 in each. They are having this debate about how she wants them packaged and then the cashier wraps one stack in a bag, and tapes it up, when sweet old granny asks for gift receipts. The cashier says "OH! I'll have to do all of this over again" (remember, there are seriously like 30 sweaters in there) and sweet old granny says "That's ok - I've waited a half hour in line, so they can too" and this lead to the woman behind me saying "SHIT!" and me, who NEVER says Jesus's name in vain, to exclaim just that, and I grab my dungarees, march off to the fucking back of the store, and lo and behold I find a till with no line up and in 80 seconds I am paid and walking by my old comrades. So, to make the old sweater bitch feel like a douchebag (because it's the holidays), I proclaim, like Shirley Maclaine telling the Peruvians that their village is full of aliens who will make them live forever, to my former line up that "there is absolutely no line up at the check out in back!" and everyone is all "really?" and "WHAT check out?" (because remember I told you that they hide all their check outs like the fucking condoms in a Catholic drugstore), and I loudly proclaim, like the pied piper, "OVER BY THE WASHERS AND DRYERS! TWO CASHIERS!" and the fucking people run like Lance Armstrong running for a 19 year old cycle slut. I felt i did my civic duty. I can sleep peacefully tonight.
The Lance Armstrong reference - let me explain why he was on my mind tonight. As I was putting the clean sheets on the kids' beds tonight (it was laundry day in Jt's house), I was thinking about old Chunks posting about the Motley Crue book and how people are raising their daughters to not have respect for themselves and all of that, and I totally agree. I take it further and think people aren't raising their sons to respect women - really, we read this shit, like 42 guys gang-banging some girl or Motley Crue shoving a phone up some chick's hoo-hoo while her mother is on the other end, and we all feel shame for the girl, but we seem to let the guys' behavior slip - let me tell you, if this baby in my darling Rachel's womb is a boy, he is going to learn that shit like that is sick. Tommy and Vince and Nicky should be ashamed, not that poor drunk girl - fuck you, Crue, you women hating, ugly-ass no talent shitheads.
Anyway, I was thinking about that post, and that got me thinking about Kid Rock and Tommy getting into that fight, and then it got me thinking about how humiliating it would be for Tommy to have his ex sleeping wiht Kid Rock. If Rachel and I split up and she started sleeping with Kid Rock, well, that would be the biggest insult. And how could you sleep with anyone who EVER slept with Kid Rock? Like, I'd need to shower for a week, get a penicillin drip, and I'd slough the skin off of lil' JT with a pumice stone and tea tree oil to try and get rid of any traces of Kid Rock DNA. Which got me to thinking about Lance and Sheryl Crow. Because poor fucking Sheryl Crow. Sheryl Crow has so much going for her. She's a great musician, has a great voice, can actually write a song, can put her heart on her sleeve, and she is a beautiful woman - not as beautiful as my darling Rachel, because readers, that woman is the cat's ass, I kid you not - I must have washed the feet of many poor lepers in a past life to be blessed with her in this life - but Sheryl has it going on. And then she does whatever gross things she does with old Kid, and then ends up with Lance. Who she wants to marry. And have babies with. Remember she's like 44 and her eggs are getting anxious. Then fucking Lance, who we all know has a dick that can't seem to find his way home, ditches poor Sheryl. And I mean, my immediate thought when I heard that (because it was like 2 weeks after she proclaimed her love for him and his kids and her wish to have babies on Baba Wawa or something) was that she should have kicked that remaining testicle of his straight up to his fucking Adam's apple, or at least taunted him on national tv for his one-ballededness. Because who does he think he is? And I mean, she picks Kid Rock. She picks old one-ball Armstrong. What next? Howard Stern? Stick to Armstrong cheese, Sheryl.
So that was a tangent and a half, wasn't it? Wait, there are three people standing on the road in front of my house - are they drunks? Why the hell are they hanging out in front of my house. Yes, they look sort of drunk. Wait, someone just picked them up. Whatever.
Ok. The fucking dog is in the doghouse with me. Brutus. You see, the dogs sleep together in this "soft" kennel every night. We keep it by the door. Three times this week, Brutus has somehow broken out of the kennel. Of course, being 5 months old, he needs to pee the second he gets up, so when he broke out this morning, he pissed under the table by the back door. Since we have ceramic tile and grout in the kitchen, his pee flows like the rivers of motherfucking Babylon, and it looks like fucking Venice under the table, with pee filled grout. So then I have to get on my hands and knees like I am Carol Burnett and scrub the floor and grout with Javex. SO tonight, the kennel is going into the garage. The floor is heated, so they won't freeze. Suck it up, doggies.
And finally, I need someone to tell me to be happy with my house. I mean I am very happy with my house. I love my house. LOVE it. It is new. It is beautiful. It is tasteful. I have a double car heated floor garage. I have a heated floor basement done in ceramic tile. I have a huge bedroom that we use as a playroom for the kids. I have another bedroom downstairs that we use as a bookroom/exercise room/clothes room for me. We have a rumpus room and computer area downstairs. Upstairs we have a beautiful kitchen. Maple cabinets. Hardwood floors. three bedrooms up. A yard to die for. A view of the North Sask. River from my back windows. Awesome neighbors next door who shovel a path from our house to theirs. Awesome neighbors behind who told us they like us so much they want to move in with us. My sister lives directly across the street. I can see into her kitchen as I type this. My other sister lives almost directly behind her. Our house most likely will appraise for about 110,000 dollars more than we paid for it less than 5 years ago. We love it.
So then yesterday, when I was on the MLS out of boredom at work, I found this house. In a "desireable" neighborhood. Our neighborhood, I love. I love the river. But there is a bunch of small rental "shacks" on my street. The socio-economic reality of the school my kids are/will be going to is really showing that there are a lot of impoverished families in the area, and I sort of wonder about that. Just the other day, I said to darling Rachel that "Such and Such school would be the best for the kids, because it would have the poor kids,. and the rich kids"- this certain school that is in an interesting area, with sorta upper class kids and poor kids from these apartment complexes, and I think it would be a cool mix. Anyway, we love our house, but the only thing that would tempt us is a house with 4 bedrooms up - which we need since we are like fucking rabbits on Meth. WELL. On the MLS, killing time an hour before I left work, I found this house. In that neighborhood. ON a Cul-de-sac that is quite la-de-da and quiet. With FOUR BEDROOMS UP. Of course, it's priced so low, it must need a shit load of work. The kitchen is so fucking ugly. There is carpet everywhere. But 4 bedrooms up. And priced just a little more than our house is probably worth. So I was intrigued. We drove by. And I felt sad as soon as we talked about it because we love our house and the riverbank, and the neighborhood. But still, I have this nagging. The whole fucking thing looks ugly and would need a shitload of work I can't afford, and I would miss the river. So tell me to shut the hell up, ok? Margo, think of my house and look at this one, and tell me I am retarded, ok? It must be a sign that we feel so sad even thinking about it. But what does it mean that we didn't just dismiss this house? hmmm....
http://www.mls.ca/PropertyDetails.aspx?vd=&SearchURL=%3fMode%3d0%26Page%3d1%26vs%3dResidential%26ret%3d300%26sts%3d0-0%26beds%3d0-0%26baths%3d0-0%26aid%3d2566%26MapURL%3d%3fAreaID%3d2805%26mp%3d0-0-0%26mrt%3d0-0-4%26trt%3d2%26of%3d1%26ps%3d10%26o%3dA&Mode=0&PropertyID=6223337
Holy fucking link... wtf? Anyway, I am staying put. But for some stupid reason, this tempted me. Anyway, I gotta get the stupid dogs in the garage, so I bid you good night. May you all have a sunny sunday peeps.
xo