On toilets and dog's mouths and all that is clean or dirty.....

You ever wonder about "common knowledge"? Well, it occurred to me today, as I was cleaning the toilet, that people are just full of shit. We don't believe we are, but in actuality, well, we are walking, talking crap factories. It all stemmed from cleaning the toilet - long ago, we had forsaken the traditional toilet brush, which, as you all know, would be used over and over and then sit in a little pile of wet filth until it was used again. So, we opted for those cool disposible toilet brushes, the ones with the wiry scrubbing pads. Well, this morning, I noticed that we had none left, and as I couldn't remember the last time it was properly scrubbed (the toilets get a good wipedown on the seats and rims and flushers and bases - I am not a good aimer in the middle of the night, I confess - on a regular basis, the scrubbing part of the bowl gets neglected. So, we were in Walmart and I picked up the refills and went home to commence cleaning. Well, I go into the bathroom and see Pine Sol sitting on the counter, so I pour some into the toilet and then went to do something or other and on my travels noticed there was actual toilet cleaner, and then I was all "oh, shit, I already put in Pine Sol, I dunno if they'll mix" and then started thinking if Pine Sol will kill as many germs as the toilet cleaner, and then I started thinking of all those things we hear, such as "the water in your toilet is cleaner than tap water" and then I thought "wait, maybe that was the water in the tank" and then I thought of the stories about how the toilet water is so dirty you better close the lid when you flush or the toothbrushes two towns over will be covered in feces. So I was actually confused as to which story is true. And then I had the aha moment - I thought "this internal conversation is just like how clean and dirty dogs are" because people are always so adamant when it comes to this stuff.
When I was a kid, I sometimes played with this kid down the road - I can't remember his name or what he looked like, but I remember what his house looked like, what his mother looked like (really sort of cheap looking), and I remember what his foster sister looked like. I also remember talking to the foster sister one day, as she smoked a Player's Light King Size and started supper before the foster mom came home (she was a social worker, which is I guess how she picked up this chick to live with them). I remember she started frying pork chops or something fried smelling in an electric frying pan. But I can't remember who the kid was I played with - I want to say David but I dunno. It doesn't matter. Him and his cheap slutty mom moved away anyway.
But anyway, foster sister was sitting on the steps with her smoke and drinking this big glass of milk and the big, mangy dog came up and she offered her milk to him and then he drank some and she drank some and she said "a dog's mouth is the cleanest thing in the world - people mouths are dirty." And she said it with such conviction (the trashy foster kid who ran away to Vancouver soon after) that I believed her. And, of course, when you start spreading that shit around, everyone pipes in like they know that is true, and why are you so late to the party, so the whole neighborhood was pretty much sharing the dish with the dog, just so we all could smugly say after "that's waaaaay cleaner than your mother's mouth".
Well, then, of course, I grew older and got a brain, and whatever. But I find it so interesting that people say these things with such conviction. Last week at work, a coworker was telling me about her boyfriend who was bit by this dog and got blood poisoning and yada yada, now he's off work for 6 weeks. And so I was telling her about this guy we both know who, last year, got just the slightest nick on his hand from his 18 year old dog's tooth, and ended up on IV every 8 hours and almost lost part of his hand, and she said "yeah, well, dog's mouths are the dirtiest things, next to human mouths of course."
It didn't sink in then, but now I've started thinking: How do you know that? Sure, you can deduce that dogs don't brush their teeth and they lick their own asses and whatever, so, yeah, it makes sense. But wouldn't my mouth be cleaner than a dog's? I may not floss every night like I should, but I brush my teeth every day and use Listerine. I may use my mouth in kissing or sexually, but I am not chowing down on my dirty arse or fishing turds out of a cat box, so why is my mouth dirtier than a dog's? I don't walk up to someone's poop and sniff it and get it close to my mouth - so why is the dog cleaner than my mouth? And what about cats? I've heard that CATS have the dirtiest mouths. Indeed, I got bit by my cat when she was a rambunctous (spelled wrong but I don't wanna spell check) kitty, and she bit my armpit in bed, which led to like 2 months of excrutiating pain and swelling and, well, a horrible odor of death. I remember sitting in this workshop thing, right after the bite, and thinking "what the fuck is that SMELL?" and looking around to see who smelled of rotting flesh, and then when I got in my car at lunch I was all "oh.... it's... me." I really should have seen a doctor, but I didn't know how dirty their mouths were then (cats, not doctor's mouths, although that would be a good one to spreas around). Luckily it healed. But after that, I stopped leaving my water on the nightstand (she used to drink it and I would pretend I didn't know, because I used to drink water all frigging night long, and who wants to get up to get new water?). Anyway. Who is to say a cat's mouth isn't the dirtiest thing? I think it's dirtier than a dog's mouth, but I don't know why. But what is stopping me from saying "You know, a cat's mouth is far dirtier than a dog's mouth?" I realize people in labs do tests and such, but really, I am sure you'll find people with grosser mouths than dogs, and cats with freaky diseased mouths, and cats with pearly whites, and dogs who could kill you just by sneezing in your direction. The point is, we all think we know it all. And really, we could know it all just from some dumb shit like the foster runaway who said dogs were so clean (I remember her saying dogs should lick a wound), or from someone saying "a dog's mouth is ALMOST as dirty as a person's." Really, we all think we know it all, but do we? It's interesting what cleaning out the shitter makes you think of. And now, if you excuse me, I must go and get a drink from the toilet tank.....