The Retarded Leading the Senile... Story at 11:00

Ok, so let me tell you an amusing anecdote from this morning that proves that I should not be allowed out in public. My sweet Dad has this thing about me and him going to the Farmer's Market - I ran into him there once and whammo, it's our thing. So today, I tell him I will actually meet him down there, and since they changed locations this year, it's hard for him to remember where it is and all of that. But we coordinate to meet there at 9:00, and we both make it and find each other.
So, there we are, shopping away, and I am trying to keep him busy in conversation because he's all befuddled because he thinks he will forget the three things on his list, even though he bought them and put them in the car already. So then I look over and see this woman walking across the street to the Farmer's Market, and I immediately say to Dad "Hey, that's Anne Clandoo (first name is her real name, the last name is a variation of the real one to protect the innocent). Anne is someone I've known since I was 6 years old. She is the daughter of friends of my parents and her mom used to be my parents' babysitter back in the day. Anyway, I used to spend a few weeks each summer and some holidays visiting Anne's family in the city they lived in when I was a teenager because I was really close to her sister. Anyway, it's not important. But anyhow, Anne lives here now, and whatever. So Anne goes to some booth and is buying some vegetables, and I walk up behind her and yell "Get that cabbage out of your pocket!" and she turns and I'm smiling, and, well.... it's not Anne.
So she smiles and says something nervous and stupid, like only you can when confronted by a potential mental patient who has done something stupid like ask for the gum out of your mouth (or to tell you to take some cabbage out of your pocket) and says something like "I bought one from these guys last week and it sure was good!" and then I go all excitedly "YEAH!?!" and then allow her to make her escape whilst I turn to the vendors and think of something to say, so I frantically look for something to buy and finally say "How much is your dill?" in such an intense way, it was reminiscent of Barbara Walters asking Whitney Houston if she regrets being a crack whore. Of course, I am at the crackpot booth, where the woman says "it's free with each order" and then I say "so I have to buy something?" and she's all "yes" and so I need nothing, but say "ok.... I'll have some onions" (even though I bought a frigging bushel of Vidalia onions from an old Ukrainian last week) and then she says "big or small"? and I sit there pretending to be intensely thinking and settle, finally, after much thought, on the big ones, and then she asks how much dill I want. Well, in all honesty, I want none, because my garden is full of dill, and in fact today I cleaned and froze 14 bags of the stuff and there is STILL literally 1/2 of it in the garden. but anyway, I pretend I am thinking hard again and say "Oh.... about a handful" and then she asks MORE questions and wants to know if I want more weed or more head and I am thinking at this point, "lady, give me some fucking "real" weed and I'll *give* you head, you old sow, if I could just be swallowed up into the earth at this moment." But no, I bite my tongue and say I want more weed, because I am making a big heap of borsht, take my stupid onions that I'll never eat and the dill that will go straight to the freezer, and get the hell out of dodge.
So then I invite my dad out for coffee, and say we'll go to this particular Tim Horton's, and he can't place it, and while it should be a poignant moment, it isn't. He says "i've gotten forgetful, but I'm not always like this" and I am thinking "No sweat, I just mistook some cabbage eating woman for Anne, who I've spent many a summer with, so were are all a little touched in the head."
Today's episode was almost as bad as the lake on the long weekend, when I went out on the deck to fart my arse off and when the rumbling was done, I see the woman next door standing on her deck, and I mean, you couldn't have missed that one - it was like rockets...
And so are the days of our lives....