Ancient Chinese Secret, HUH: Commercials and So-On

Just watching Survivor but being the A.D.D. lunatic I fear I am, I thought I should just give a few more point form thoughts as I sit here.
-- First, for those Canadians who may read this, what the hell is the deal with these strange Josie -- oh how the hell do you spell her last name - you know, the French chick who always used to fall - I have no idea how you spell it, but it's pronounced Shweenard - lol, I am such a retard. Anyway, it freaks me out because she is just this skater, and she does these commercials, and it's like there she is, and she's asking the Designer Guys "tell me, what do you think about Coffee Mate" in her little accent, and they are all exclaiming about how fucking good Coffee Mate is, and there is just so much wrong with the whole thing: First, why has someone hired her to talk about such things, and second, there is no way in hell the Designer Guys would touch Coffee Mate with a 10 foot pole. These are shi-shi poo poo urban gay men who are famous designers - Coffee Mate would be a punchline for them, and they are so not convincing. So that whole scenario freaked me out. THEN, what do I see later - Haley Wicken-whatever, that female hockey player from Melfort or whatever, being interviewed by Josee again, with that strong French accent saying "Zell me azbout Hamburgaire Helphor (Hamburger Helper)" and then this butch looking hockey lady basically says it makes her family so damn happy and it's so easy and nutritious and it's all smiles when she cooks it, and I mean, why would you pick these people to sell this stuff?
So what other commericals bother me... well, the KY Warming lube couple annoy me, because they are trying to sell the shit to urbanites (notice he's always reading the Urban section of the paper and then throws it down when she breaks out the lube). God, those are the last fucking two people you want to imagine in the midst of passion.
Oh, and I must admit - I have no bloody clue what that Madonna cellphone commercial means, where all these freaking looking dirty people are in the phone booth in the desert and then they all cram in and Little Richard looks like he pops by and then Madonna says something at the end - am I missing something or does it not make any sense?
So other than those annoyances, I have nothing to say - I just wanted to pop in here and ramble. Did I ever post how I mispronounced crockpot? It was after the party we had and Rachel said "holy, we have lots of potatoes left. How come?" and I replied "well, Lee (her sister) made two crock pots!" and I pronounced it "Crock POTS" like I was Jamaican. I used to work with this Jamaican woman who would say "BREAK-FAST" for breakfast (pronounced it as two words) and Sharon and I still call it that, so of course I had to call her and tell her what I said. Yes, doesn't take much to amuse me.
So it's been hectic this week because Kim has had stomach flu this week, and now she is finally feeling better today and now Rachel is sicker than a dog (well, sicker than a sick dog I guess, since most dogs aren't sick), and of course I am terrified that Keryn will get it. I live in fear of my family having stomach flu. Keryn's third birthday was spent in the hospital because she puked 26 times in 12 hours, and it always hits her hard, so of course, being the germophobic I am, I have spent the past couple days bleaching every surface in my spare time. It's like a hobby. It's a good thing I'm not single because if I ever had to do a personal it would something like "I like long walks on the beach, and my other hobbies include bleaching every available kitchen and bathroom surface and toilet seat to ward off rotoviruses." Yes, I am mental. I could make a spoof of Yentl, called Mentl, with me as the Streisand character, dressed in disguise as a peasant cleaner woman, just so I can learn the secrets of disinfection.
Oh, and one last nugget to share before I go - a couple weeks ago, we came home from somewhere and I opened the door in the garage and we were unloading groceries or something, and when I was done, I closed the van doors and went in. Then at midnight, I was getting ready for bed, and asked Rachel if the cat was in the house, and she said "OMG, she's in the van! I forgot to tell you". So, I let her out and went on my merry way to bed. Then, the next day, Rach was taking the kids to gymnastics and the thing stunk to high heaven of cat piss - the little darling peed on a blanket in the back of the van. So THEN, we couldn't get the fucking stink out no matter what. I used Febreze which I now believe smells worse than cat piss, and that didnt do sweet piss all, so then I bought this other stuff that was supposed to remove the stink, but no dice... SO then I went to Petland where they were all "Oh, THIS is the liquid gold that will get rid of the smell" so I coated the frigging van in this stuff that smelled like a stronger version of Nilodor, which always makes me gag. It just made the van stink of cat piss AND Nilodor. It was so hideous. Then, icing on the cake - last Friday, we are on our way to Arby's for the kids and the van stalls (long story, it needs this thingy repaired but just been too lazy to make the appointment) and we had to sit for 20 awful minutes in this cat piss/nilodor stank until the fucking thing started again. So, we ended up shampooing the van on the weekend and found the piss spot in the trunk part and just cut the fucking rug out like a cancer. The smell was gone instantly, but alas, it took forever to get the piss remover smell out. So, word to your mother: pussy in a van is a bad thing (I can hear KB's snappy comeback already).
I still have to tell my stalker story, but it will have to wait because it takes too long and with all the drama around here, I just don't have time now - must remain in a state of cat-like readiness for the next round of disinfeciton, you know?
Valley Girl is on Showcase Diva in 20 minutes - it was my favorite movie from my teen years, and in my top 5 still - completely for nostalgic reasons, and it has a kick-ass soundtrack, and you all should watch it.
Oh, and my dearest friend, let's call her "Fargo" is having a shitty-ass week, and she has to do this situation at work that is very stressful and may induce panic or at least a bad case of the shits. I told her to just cut to the chase and get some damn ativan, because like me, she has suffered from the old panic demon, but she's never been medicated. So, all you other neurotics out there, reassure her that it will take the edge off, and she should get her ass to the walk-in clinic this weekend and get herself some dope. "Fargo", just do it. It doesn't make you all stoned if you take the right dose (except this other woman I used to work with who must have been on huge doses because she couldnt focus her eyes), and it just sort of takes the edge off. They make my legs ache though, I don't know why.
I am one to talk though, since I have never told my family doctor about my panic issues - I got ativan from my old doctor in Saskatoon and then from the family doctor for my dental phobia. But I am rambling.... every time I say that I want to sing "Ramble On" at the top of my lungs. You may not believe it, but I am a huge Led Zep fan. Strange, hey?
Anyhoooo, I should cart my arse off to bed in case my poor wife needs me in the night - man I hope she feels better tomorrow.
Have yourself a wonderful day, folks.
Oh, and one thing: Chunks posted a list of songs and the memories they brought her, and I am going to list the songs here and tell my memories, hopefully on the weekend, but I am going to pick a random song here and there and tell the memory, and feel free to pipe up with your memories. Let's see, how about "Cold as Ice" by Foreigner? It always reminds me of grade 1, winter time, in B.C., really cold, rainy and dark night, sitting on my sister's bed, listening to the song on 14CFUN, and her cranking it up. That opening ALWAYS takes me back there. I love that song. Nights on Broadway by the Bee Gees is the same memory, from the same night. Oh man, I always yearn for the past, achingly so, and I don't know why - it;s so strange....
ANyway, getting my flat arse to bed.
TGIF kiddos,
JT