The Most Scatological Blog on the Internet, Bar None!

I seriously have 10 minutes to blog, because I still have shit to do for tomorrow and it's almost midnight. Just let me say one gross story to kick off your Monday. So yesterday, everyone kept popping over, while we were doing stuff outside. Remember, as I have said, our basement is a disaster - has been for 2 weeks, but we haven't gotten to it. Now, my nephews come over and the kids all go downstairs and I am all "Go outside! It's a disaster!" but no, they stay down there and everyone is "Let them play while it's messy". So, they stay down there a bit and then go outside and then I run down to do some laundry. Well, walking down the stairs I get this overwhelming stench of shit hit me, so I think "Holy fuck, the dog got into the ex-lax". Well, I run down and don't see anything. And then I see this brown stuff from behind the chair. Then I see a pile of shit smeared on the wall, on the floor, done with a kid's broom. Well, I am freaking and yelling "there's shit all over" and Rach runs down and says "it's dogshit" and I am thinking no frigging way, because nothing that big could come out of my dog's ass, as she's the size of a frigging rat - well, not really, but she's horridly skinny. So I spend like 2o minutes cleaning up this shit and bleaching everything to high heaven. You could perform surgery on this damn floor, it's so clean now. Anyway, I get that corner done and open windows and spray lysol. Then I go talk to the kids, and since they aren't my kids, I just say "You never do that. If the dog poops, tell us, don't ever touch it" and whatever. WELL, I go back down there a little later and it smells worse than ever. So I snoop around and see, on a frigging PILLOW, what looks like more shit. Well, I am so pissed off but the parents don't say anything so I just leave it. But I am obsessed with the smell, and scrubbing all over the room, on my hands and knees trying to figure out why it smells on the coffee table when it's clean. Well, long story short, in addition to the shit, there is a sippy cup, from TWO WEEKS AGO, that was sitting there that they also knocked over and did whatever to, which contained chocolate milk, which rotted and stunk like dog shit. Now, you are thinking "what pigs" but seriously, we haven't gone downstairs since then into the family room or the playroom. So, being the clean freak germophobe I am, I am pretty much ready to use fire to cleanse it.
So that get's cleaned and then later Keryn tells me it was her COUSIN who pooped and smeared it, and also pooped on the pillow. Why you ask? I don't know..... So, that was my Saturday.
Anyway, I have no shame for telling that story. But alas, I must run, because it's midnight and I still have to get shit together for tomorrow.
Have a great Monday.
xo
JT