Seedtape - Cool Invention or Cruel Joke?

Ok, this is yet again another 4 sentence quickie, but I am pooped out. I just want to ask gardeners out there this question, as I am still sort of a newbie - when planting vegetables, has anyone tried "seed tape"?? The reason I ask is that I am suspicious about it, meaning that I think it's a big scam and doesn't grow. You see, being the retard I am, I can't seem to like "measure" out seeds. The stupid packages will say something like "sow 1 inch apart and 1/2 an inch deep." Well, I can get the depth but for the life of me, I can't separate seeds with my stubby fingers, so it's always overkill - a steady stream of seeds all crammed together for the whole row. So, when I did my garden boxes this year, for example, I was flying through the seeds like nobody's business. And as I am too fucking dumb to know how to thin out my carrots and beets, I know it's a problem. So, I think I posted before that my sister Libby across the street is going to China this summer and isn't planting her garden so I said we would. So we rototil the fucker and it's hard soil and rocky in parts but still, we clean it up nice, and when I shopped for the seeds, I discovered "Seed tape" - the package said "we take the guesswork out of it for you - never thin again!" and I am thinking it's the cat's ass because it's this long tape looking strip with a seed in it, spaced evenly. So I plant two rows of beets and two rows of onions with the fucking tape, and then at home, I had two planters so I planted one of seed tape radishes and one of onions. Now, the onions didn't grow in the planter, but the planter IS fucked and has no drainage, and with all the rain this year, I understand that it just might have been flooded. But I checked Lib's garden tonight and no frigging beets and no onions. Even the frigging pumpkins came up.... and my radishes in the planter came up, but not the complete row. So what giveS? is seed tape just another thing that will let us down? Is it the new 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner (2 in 1's just don't do it, IMO)? Is it the new toothpaste and mouthwash combo (that doesn't work either)? is it the new Bold 3 laundry detergent (remember, it promised detergent, bleach, and softener all in one - now they don't even sell it)? Is it... oh hell, what I am trying to say is, did I do something wrong or does the shit not work to begin with? Or is her soil too ugly? Let me know. I was hoping on beets coming out of my arsehole - well, not literally, of course, but y'all know what I mean....
So that's the gardening woes. I put a bunch of spearmint seeds in this big ole pot but it got flooded and didn't come either... should I reseed the mint and beets? It's been 2 weeks at least.
Well, I better get up to bed. Oh, father's day - Keryn wanted to buy me a new ring, she kept saying all week, and so she did - a big thick silver band, and she bought herself a matching one. it was so cute, but the ring finger on my other hand is gibbled - my knuckle is gnarled or something and it's a bitch to get anything on it, so it's an effort to take the thing off. Rach bought me a new outfit too. But the best present was this morning. I was sleeping in Keryn's bed (yes, she still wakes up at some point in the night and I go in there and end up falling asleep there until morning, and Rachel has the same thing with Kim, so I dunno what the hell we'll do when the baby comes - adopt a maid?), and so she's waking up and I am trying to sleep and she pokes me in the back and says Happy Father's Day (no idea how she remembered) and plants a big kiss on my face. That was the sweetest, best gift.
Ok, gonna go finish PIN - anyone ever see this Canadian movie? This brother and sister treat their dr. dad's examination dummy like a brother, and then the brother is like crazy and uses ventriloquism to speak for PIN and it's a creepy-ass show, and it's on now.
Have a good Monday all - I have tomorrow off, so I will be hangin' outside if it's nice!
xo
JT