SISTERHOOD IS GLOBAL - MORE ABOUT MY FRIEND MARGO

Sorry, but this is for my dear old friend, Margo. She posted the following things about herself, and I need to comment on some of them to elaborate and it's easier to cut and paste it here instead of commenting on it on her blog. She wrote:
The World Accorinding to Margo
1. I come from a broken home. Parents divorced when I was in grade 2
--- Yes, she did, but it actually is a good thing, because otherwise she would never have moved here to live with her dad and we'd never have met. Also, it's good because then her dad has had a bevy of women that have been odd enough to provide us with fodder for years to laugh about. Consider Audra, who was going to marry him, but luckily never did. Audra was a looker, no doubt about it, but she was a wino and really fucking cheap. And strange. She always tried to be hoity-toity, and she might have pulled it off, but the strange family of hers always got in the way. She had one daughter who was born again, and a son who was a good time charlie who loved his dope and his sleeping around, and another daughter who... I dunno, who was just.. well... sorta trampy, but what I mean by that, I don't know. Anyway, some examples of the zany nature of Audra's house - She invited us to this dinner party and it was just her family, Margo and her dad, and me, but it was some big affair, but of course we all got into the wine, and considering the alocholic tendencies of many in the room, we were all three sheets to the wind before the first course. Well, Margo was trying to pretend we were dating for some reason, so that was funny, and then Audra had all these fucking candles burning so I was doing my pissed "oh, isn't this fascinating" thing because I am one of those good time drunks, so I say something about how frigging wonderful her candle holders are and she went on about how they represented the 12 apostles or whatever, and I was nodding my head like I had any idea what in hell she was talking about. Or, let's not forget the other time, when we were having a farewell dinner for Margo's daddy before he took this little trip and somehow Audra invites her whole family and we all go for Chinese food and of course, we all get stinking drunk, and I remember Margo mixing the last of the white wine and the red wine and saying "look, Rosee!" and laughing like a maniac. But the best part was the daughter, let's call her Sheeba, and Audra telling us this story of these people who have no arms who train snakes and tie them around their waists so they can turn on faucets. I did my usual drunk "wow, that is so interesting!" thing, but, well, we mocked that thing until the cows came home. Good times. SO yes, thank goodness Lance and Sheena divorced so Margo and I could meet Audra and have some laughs. I won't even talk about Mary, Margo.

Margo also writes: 4. Lived next to a Elvis fanatic in a Brooks trailer park for a year who drank a flat of pepsi a day and used to hit on my dad on a daily basis. -- This woman loved her dad, and would crawl under the car with him while he worked on it, and drink her pop, and would tell young Margo, "Elvis is the king, and Diana Ross is the queen!" and Margo would tell me that story, invariably when we were stoned, and it never failed to send me into hysterics to the point where I'd have to leave the room.

Margo also writes: 5. Was a major tom boy as a kid, had a killer GI Joe collection that if I owned it today would be worth a mint on Ebay,
-- She also had a crush on the blonde from Abba as a kid, but never made the connection to that and her sexual orientation for another 20 years. God love you, honey.

Margo also says: 6. My favorite things as a kid were my blue jeans, my rubber boots and chewing on LP's in the stereo cabinet.
--- As a teenager, she also loved her blazer, and she was in LOVE with this gross guy who was an exchange student from... where the fuck was he from... I think Sweden, and she fell in love with him the first day she saw him and she kept talking about "the cool guy with green shoes." He wore these freaky ass elf shoes ,and she was all smitten, for the whole year, but quite frankly, he was strange and boring, and would order coffee and then add sanka to make it stronger. We got him to her house a couple times and I think she made out with him, but he had a girlfriend the whole year which we didn't even know about, and it turns out it was Rachel's best friend. Rachel thought he was a loser.
But anyway, Rochelle, wear some ugly ass green shoes, chew some coffee grounds, and talk in a Swedish accent, and she'll be humming like a southern lightpost.

Margo also said: 7. Had the mumps, the measles and the chicken pox all in the same sad year in '75.
-- She also was hit by a bus I think she either said, or I made that up, I can't remember.

Margo notes: 8. Am slightly, ok Very neurotic about mundane things.
--- I remember 9/11 - she calls me at work, and not a hello or anything, just a frantic "I have no canned goods." Me: "HUH?" MARGO: "I have no canned goods. There will be war and I have no canned goods." God love you, honey.

She also said: 10. Don't like shopping at all. Costco and Walmart are the worst since I hate crowds.
--- We have bonded after admitting our panic disorders to each other. She panicked in line buying dog food all the time, so I told her to do what I read that some guy did who freaked out in crowds. He carried a bucket of worms with him and when he felt panicky he'd throw the worms into an aisle at the store and yell "Worms!" and then the attention was off him. However, she didn't actually do it, I don't think.

She also did this: 11. I bought the Vanna White tooth whitening kit off of an infomercial one nite after coming home drunk from the bar. Then returned it.
--- She also bought the ROlling Stone boxed set the same night I think. Returned it too.

This also happened to the poor dear:
14. I have a propensity to being attacked by strange people. For example I got choke by a drunk first nations lady in a bar b/c her b/f was talking to me..
--- There were 2 bars next door to each other. I was at one with my sister, brother in law, and their friends, Margo was all drunk and going back and forth. She was really drunk, to the point of being annoying because she was slurring so bad, and I was trying to have some deep convo with my sister, and Margo stumbles back into the bar where I was and said "I just got choked... I got choked" and I was all, "oh yeah, choked, whatever, shut up, we're talking" and she kept saying "I got choked...fucking choked" and I thought nothing of it until I got this phone call the next day from Clara, who told me her brother was in the other bar and watched the choking. He said it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. You see, this pimp looking dude took a shining to Margo, and since he was buying, she was all "coolio" and letting him buy her beer. Well, he had this woman who noticed this and glared at our girl and told the guy off and he was all "she's nothing" and kept buying Margo beer. Well, she drinks up and then ditches him and tries to come back to see me, but as she was walking towards the door, in this drunken stupor walk she does, Clara's brother said you see this chick pop out of nowhere and see these hands reach out in slow motion and go around her neck, and then Margo gets this shocked look, and then the bouncers are on the woman and Margo walks back and tells me the story. So sorry honey, I'll listen to you better next time. She also got attacked in a truck by a hillbilly, but I'll save that one for tomorrow - too long to type.
One of her hidden talents is as follows: 16. I can do a mean Jerry impression off of the Facts Of Life. You remember Jerry, she was Blairs cousin comedian who had cerebral palsy or something.. I can also imitate the elephant Man. --- she really does the Gerri thing well. It's inappropriate though.
She also admits to being this: 17. I am a hypochondriac.. I am constantly thinking I am dying of something. Have a great fear of getting the red line of death.
One time, the dentist saw some white mark in her mouth and told her to get it checked out and she immediately thought cancer, and spent the whole weekend thinking "life sure was good before I had the cancer." So yeah, this is really true - so quit the fucking smoking, Joni.
She also is: 19. I am a sista, but don't wear rainbows or chant 'Sisterhood is Global!!' from the rooftops...
We were in a bookstore one time and she picks up this huge frigging book called Sisterhood is Global and she said she always wanted to be one of those smart hippy looking chicks who sit reading these big political books in the park and she picks it up and shakes it and yells "sisterhood is global" and it became our running joke that's lasted a good 10 years.
Oh, and when she told me she was a sister, it was so funny, but I'll post that some other time.
Anyway, that is my comments to her post. God love ya Margo. Oh, and I had a good 1/2 hour conversation with Dirtnut today, and we caught up on everyone and everything, and he asked about you.
Anyway, gotta go to bed. Brutal ass fucking week, can't wait until the weekend.
xo
JT