8 Simple Rules for Dating my Lesbian Best Friend

Ok, again this will be quick. It's 11:30 and I am getting sick. Yes, sick! Keryn's cough seems to be turning into a cold, and Kim is all whiny in her sleep and her nose was running tonight, and all day my throat felt scratchy, and I absentmindedly thought "Oh, I must have smoked too much today" and then realized I haven't fucking smoked for 3 years... and now the throat is sore, and the nose is stuffy, so obviously I haven't been taking my vitamin C, have I? It has been pissing rain all day, since last night, in fact, and tornado watch today. I love rain. LOVE IT. But when you have sod coming and want to get the fucking shit done, rain ISN'T fun. So I dunno what I am doing tomorrow - sod? the cancer walk? Funeral in Regina on Saturday? I don't know.
Anyway, I watched that Hit me Baby One More Time show, and it is so cheesy and stupid, and Mike Reno of Loverboy looks like he is going to explode. Tiffany looks knocked up and freakishly tall... What's up with that? I kept thinking she had a breast reduction, but then saw them suckers and realized it was Punky Brewster who did. Flock of Seagulls did great, but the guy showed his wife and she's straight from the trailer. Arrested Development was awesome. I forgot that I loved them so much back in the day. That one chick sure dances funny, though....
So there you have it, my opinion on that one.
Ok, and like forgive me, but Rosie - shit or get off the fucking pot with the comments. Keep em on or keep em off, but just DO something, damnit.
Oh, saw an old Cure video on Much Retro, for "Love Song" and I had to laugh. I mean, Robert Smith of the Cure was like Elvis to me. Really, I thought he was the cat's ass. However, watching this video, and I thinking "Would it have killed you to smile? EVER?" and like, the lipstick WAS really bad.... So there you go, I am obviously getting old, because the goth thing is becoming lost on me.... and REALLY.... I didn't WANT to be unhappy, and while I still love the Cure, they didn't have to look so damn unhappy all the time.

So Margo has a new love interest in her life, and I asked her the all important questions tonight. Now, since she is rusty at this stuff, I told her I'd give her a couple tips:

1.) You know it's serious when you fart in front of each other. The initial fart is the ice breaker and shows some sort of commitment to stay with someone who farts. It really bonds you. Time it right. If said fart slips out during sex, you have an awkward moment there...

2.) Margo's love interest (let's call her Rochelle) was making her dinner tonight and I had to laugh, since Margo is a notoriously picky eater. Soooo, Margo, you have to eat what they like for the time being. Even if you don't like it. Even if it's liver. Now, let me prefice this by saying that I have no idea what Rochelle cooked or if Margo would like it, but I have cooked for her and know she is picky. But now is not the time to be picky. Just eat and smile and a year from now you can say "you know, I really hate your skanky-ass pork chops" or whatever. Now, just smile, say it's delicious, and spit it into your napkin.

3.) In addition to the fart, stinking up the bathroom is a big event for the first time, or having the love interest in the bathroom while you are, well, for a lack of a better word, taking a dump. That shows commitment as well. Especially if you just ate beans or chili or something. Plan that one accordingly. Under no circumstances are you to say "OMG, what's that??" during the first year... well... EVER... unless you forgot you ate beets or something and need reasurance that you aren't internally bleeding.

4.) Always pretend you like the friends. Even if you don't. Just like them for now. You can ditch them later. Just grin and bear it. Now, Margo hasn't said anything about Rochelle's friends, to set the record straight. Remember, this is just general rules.

5.) Remember, you are more a couple than you think, so remember the consultation - "I am going for drinks tonight with the gang.... ok?" You don't want to alienate, and remember, people are touchy sometimes, so always include the other one, even if you are going to do whatever you damn well want, well, make sure it looks like it was their idea that you are doing it.

6.) They are with you because they LIKE you. Not because they need lasik eye surgery. not because they are on the run from the law. Not because they are crazy/drunk/have some fetish. They are with you because - suprise - they think you are hot. Don't over analyze. Just enjoy!

7.) The first fight - be the bigger person and swallow your pride and do something dazzling - flowers, songs, tears.... woo them back! To quote my Joni, fame and fortune can't hold you tight in the late late hours of the night....

8.) Finally, when you can be naked with someone for an extended period of time and not feel the need to jump their bones, like if you get out of the shower and stroll around, clipping your toe nails or squeezing a zit, or whatever, and you stand there and talk about getting groceries or Oprah or whatever and not feel the need for a quickie - congrats - you are married. (And I mean that in a GOOD way!)

Enjoy the Weekend peoples!
xo
JT