Freakazoids and Robots, please report to the Dancefloor: American Idol, New York Hot Tracks, the chronic, and THE LIZARD MIXTURE!

Ok, first off, let's get American Idol over with: Just finished it a minute ago. They were VERY good for once. However, the shitty ones, in no particular order, were Constantine. I mean, he just sucks. As Simon would say, if I was being completely honest with you, that sack of shit could be found at any Xmas party sung by the drunk cleaning lady and the accountant from the 14th floor. I mean, the Partridge Family - come on! But Margo, doesn't he remind you of Lolita's little brother, Carey????
Ok, and the nice little Ukrainian boy. I wanted to cheer for him because he's a fellow Ukrainian brother, but I thought he stunk. He ain't no Aretha, nor no George Michael. It made me cringe. Oh, and little Barbara there - gross. Maybe if they make a movie of Fran Drescher's life, she'd be ok, but until then, leave me the hell alone.
Speaking of Alone, was that chick Simon is in love with da bomb, or what???? I never really cared one way or the other for her, but tonight, DAMN, that gave me chills.... LOL Margo that song so reminds me of Grade 12, Grad, and being drunk every second of the year... Oh, but back to the bad ones - Nadia, who I was cheering for, was ridiculous. She could have nailed it if she did the song slow and sparse like Tuck and Patti did, but no, she rocked it up, and the hair.... oh the hair... And finally, hate to say it, but Anwar just didn't do it. "Ain't Nobody" is probably in my top 10 favorite songs, so yeah, it's hard to let it go, but still.. he was no Chaka. Whenever I hear the song, I end up screaming the words from my gut, and Anwar, you didn't make me even hum them. Does anyone remember "New York Hot Tracks" on Saturday nights, which was dance videos, broadcast from different clubs around the East Coast? It was hosted by Carlos DeJesus, and THAT is the show that made me fall in love with dance and hip hop, and I'll always be greatful because it changed my life. I remember falling in love with Madonna before she was famous, and Shannon, and Lisa Lisa, and IOU by Freez, and Patrice Rushen's "Forget me Nots" and "White Horse" by Laid Back, and, of course, "No Parking on the Dancefloor" and "Freakazoid" by Midnight Star, the two real biggies: "Freakazoids and robots, please report to the dancefloor"! Oh, and remember Teena Marie's "Lovergirl"? And of course, Chaka and Rufus and "Ain't Nobody". God, I am set adrift on memory bliss tonight... But back to Idol - the Heart girl kicked ass, and Vonzell - DAMN BABY! I think she's the queen!
Ok, I feel we debriefed enough. Let me recap a funny story from today, or maybe it's only funny if you were there. Margo emails me and cc's her coworker, Sage, yesterday, asking a question about Joni's daughter. Apparently, Sage wanted to know more about the story, so I gave them my usual factoids about Joni Mitchell, and told them to check out the lyrics for "Little Green". So, they email me back today and say "we don't really get the song, fill us in" and I am thinking she's being a smartass, but of course, my Joni knowledge takes over and I explicate the whole fucking song, and it makes me more and more choked up the more I talked about it. Ever since I had kids, it really just rips my heart out. When Keryn was born, I used to rock her to sleep singing it as it played, and called her my own little green, and I'd cry, and boo hooo.... so anyway, by the time I explaining "there will be icicles, and birthday clothes, and sometimes there will be sorrow" and "have a happy ending" I am literally all teared up like some nut job, and I am sitting there thinking "I am so fucking NELLY that you might as well call me Lynn (off of Amazing Race - he seems like a crybaby to me). So I send the email and go for coffee and compose myself, and Margo, God love her, emails and says "ok, thanks, now can you explain "New Moon on Monday" by Duran Duran to me". So I am all "ha ha" and then I think, "what the hell does that song mean anyway" and I start singing what I THINK to be the lyrics in my head, which went like this - the chorus:
"New Moon on Monday, drivin' 5 days through the night/ I played the cold day, on the lonely side of life." Well, after I Google it, I find out this is the chorus: "New Moon on Monday, And a firedance through the night, i stayed the cold day, with a lonely satellite." So I am thinking, "well, what the fuck does any of this mean" and so I look at the first line of the song, and it's this: Shake up the picture the lizard mixture" and right there I just said "forget it", and then, well, almost pissed myself laughing. Seriously, I was dying, all by myself, people must have thought I was certifiable, because I was laughing so hard. So I email Margo and Sage and tell them to check out the lyrics, and the lizard mixture thing, and then Sage emails back saying she thinks that Duran Duran musta been on drugs, and not just mary jane. Well Margo replies "what's mary jane"? and Sage replies "oh sorry, I am so old. Chronic I mean" and Margo emails back "chronic? JT, do you know what she is talking about" and I am pissing myself and can't believe she doesn't know the chronic and then she gets all pissy with me and says "fuck you JT, don't act like you were some cool ot smoking hippie in highschool because I can stories...." and so I reply back "you know, the chronic - lizard mixture!"
Well, maybe you had to be there.... Anyway, Margo does have a tape of us after smoking some lizard mixture one night, and you know, "the chronic" has always been a hit or miss thing with me. I smoked pot for the first time during the summer of grade 5, going into grade 6, I kid you not. My sorta girlfriend at the time, Delilah (that's her real name, btw) got it for us. Delilah's dad was a bootlegger, who turned into a drug dealer, and nothing was a big deal over there. Now remember, my Dad was like the equivalent to the chief of police at the time, so it is kinda funny when you think of it. Anyway, Delilah scores us a couple roaches, and three of us got together and smoked them. Nothing happened, but my eyes totally got red and bugged out for some reason. The next time, me and Steven, my friend, smoked another one that she gave us, and it was just a happy feeling, relaxed. Keep in mind we were all smoking like crazy too, which is why we were able to inhale. Man, it sounds so bad, because we grew up way too fast on the one hand, but we still had this wonderful innocence about us - I can't describe it. Keep in mind also that I was born again at the time, so you can imagine the double life/moral dilemmas I went through.
So anyway, after the first couple tries, I move, and don't see the stuff again until I meet Margo in Grade 10, the beginning of the school year. We went to this dance together and were drinking and she had this killer joint from this homegrown shit she had, and rolled it in the cigarette roller, but I really don't think it did much for us. We smoked weed every once in a while, but not a whole hell of a lot happened. Hash never did anything for me, either, but make me sleepy. So anyway, one of the times it really worked, we bought this bag of pot or something and just smoked like crazy, and holy moly, I thought we were going to suffocate because we laughed so hard. I couldn't look at Margo, and she kept telling some story about her grade 5 teacher picking up kids with her fingers and she was demonstrating on her cigarette pack, and just freaked me out. I was laughing so hard, I was coughing up shit. We were with these hardcore stoners at the time, and they were making us inhale, and then hold it, whilst they picked us up and squeezed our chests... LOL, it was competely psycho... anyway, we have this tape of us from that night..... man, she should find it.
One other really fun time we had together on lizard mixture was when we went to the woods with our friend, Hairy Heather. We called her hairy because, well, she was hairy. She would shave her face.... had more stomach hair than I did at the time, and her ass - well - she mooned me on the night we met, trying to pick me up, and I just remember seeing this big white ass covered in hair and thinking "I've got to get the hell out of here - NOW". But she was a sweet person, don't get me wrong. She was in mechanics school, and lived with our friend, the whore. I say whore not as a derogatory remark either. I'll fill in on her another time, but suffice to say, well, she went so far as to sleep with the vacuum cleaner salesman just because she wanted the challenge, and, on the night my nerdy Pee-Wee Herman looking friend, Darius, was to lose his viginity (they were dating against all of our warnings), she slept with another guy first, who went by the name Dirtnut, in a truck, with Margo trapped in the front seat next to them, and THEN proceeded to perform fellatio on our hillbilly friend, Waylon, who was very nice, but who hadn't ever seen a bathtub. Then, she goes back to the house, deflowers Darius, and it was just another night to us observers in teenland.... So yes, the whore moniker is justified.
So anyway, I could also comment on Heather about certain things, but let's just say she was wonderful, nice, but different. So Heather somehow has this joint and the three of us go out to the bush to smoke it, and I get just hysterical. I had a cigarette in my mouth and laughed, and it flew over Margo's head and landed far away, so we then invented "spitting smokes for distance." We were eating Big Macs too, and I can't remember how we got them out there, but Heather peeled hers. Literally, she peeled it. Ate it layer by layer, and make these faces like she was in ecstacy. We didn't know whether to look or turn politely away. You had to be there, I guess.....
But yes, I was no pot smoking hippie, booze being the drug of choice - why I am not in rehab today, I don't know. Now that I am distanced from my past, alcohol was a big problem, since we always were drunk, or always wanted to be drunk. So anyway, this kinda sidetracked... I can't remember what my point was..... But I haven't tried chronic since I was 19, after a REALLY bad evening where I got so paranoid that I thought I was going crazy. Then did it once after that, and was so freaked out again, I was at Ruby's house, and her mom had this Aztec Calendar or clock tapestry or whatever, and I could only ground myself by staring at it. You know, Ijust need a couple of cocktails, 2 or three times a year, and otherwise I have no use for artificial joy.

I have tomorrow off of work, as I am taking Keryn to library story time. She is so excited, and so am I. I also go to the dentist, but it's just a cleaning, so I don't think I'll have a panic attack. I don't even know if I have any of the old ativan that Sharon gave me. Ah well, I won't need it for that. I don't know if I will take Thursday off - can't decide.
Hey, Rosie removed the comments from her blog because of ignorant fuck faces ruining it. Marg and I are in mourning and denial.
Well, better fly to bed, talk tomorrow I hope!
Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars,
JT