It ain't anything funny, so read only if you are bored or constipated

Oh hell, it's been one of those nights. I thought I'd tell all the funny trip stories, but I've been too distracted by crankiness and such, so by now, I'm just going to do a free-flowing ramble. It will probably be boring.

It was one of those days that bordered on good and annoying. It started out with a jolt. I guess I have to give a little backfill here - I dunno if all y'all remember, but my sister has been our babysitter for the past few years. However, in the spring, she said she would be done in the summer, as she wanted to get a "real" job. So, long story short, we have arranged childcare for baby boy for 3 days a week and girl #3 will be starting kindergarten, so she will be only needing a sitter one day every second week (her kindergarten is MWF one week, MW the next week, so Rachel changed her work days to MWF). I didn't want to put her in kindergarten this year, as she isn't 5 until November, but since she'd be at a sitter, well, why not. She's smart enough. Fuck.... all you stay at home parents - I envy you to have that option. We need two incomes to support our lavish lifestyle... hahahhhaahhahahha. Lavish... hahahahahha. Anyway.
Anyway, Rachel had the summer off, but for reasons too complicated to explain, she had to work a full M-F week this week - she went back Monday after 2 months off. So, my sister, who doesn't have a job yet (she may need surgery, so I dunno if she is going to get the job after all) said she'd love to babysit this week, as the new sitter doesn't take kids until next week.
However, my sister had commitments Monday afternoon and Tuesday, so my 14 year old niece babysat Monday afternoon and Tuesday morning, and I "worked from home" Tuesday afternoon. So anyway, you remember this is my crazy busy time at work right now. Well, I woke up at 6:55 this morning, in my son's bed, with my daughter next to me (he was with mama in my bed - don't ask - we rotate all over the fucking place at night), and I thought "holy hell, how can it be morning" and uttered a silent prayer of "please don' t let baby boy wake up yet." Well, I promptly fell back asleep (wifey gets up at 7:07 to be at work by 8:00, and I get up whenever the hell baby boy wakes me - I don't have to be at work until 9:00). SO. Back to this morning. I am in sleeping bliss, when I feel this shake of my leg, and my wife is there going "Lulu (I dunno what I called my sister on here) can't sit" and I go in a panicked voice "WHY???" and she said "her period" (she awaiting a hysterectomy if anyone will do it because of her unusual health complications - she had 2 fibroids and pretty much bleeds out when Aunt Flo comes to town) so then I am freaking out because both of us have to be at work today, but then my niece agreed to babysit, so that was ok. But it was a traumatic way to start the day. THEN, my dear wife had this fucked up morning, and anyway, we decided to go out to lunch for once, just us, without kids. So we go to this Vietnamese place we love, and get there by 12:05. She has to be back by 1:00, since she works in a jail, but I assure her that this place takes like 10 minutes to fill an order. WELL. Long Duck Dong proves me wrong today. We get there, he gives us water and menus, and we get ignored while he goes to cook. The place fills up, but obviously he is the only one working, so nobody gets served. Finally, by 12:25, we just walk out, and decide a quick lunch at Taco Time will suffice. WELL. Taco Time is so busy, we can' t even find a parking spot, so we have to go to Tim Horton's, which wasn't even busy for some strange reason, since I've never seen a Tim's that isn't busy, but we are so stressed by then, that my wife can only gobble down a bagel before I have to take her back to work. So we didn't even get to visit. I also told my niece i'd leave early and be home by 2, but I couldnt break free until 3. That was still ok, but the evening still ended up a gong show, with the highlight being that my son sprayed sunscreen on the back of the leather couch, which in turn faded it and means that we need to get the back dyed at some point. Rachel took the older two girls shopping for clothes tonight and didn't get home until 10, and she didn't have a phone, so I couldnt tell her we didn't have one fucking diaper in the house, so I had to go to Walmart when she got back, and I didn't get back until almost 11, because those fuckers only had like 2 tills open. I am so frustrated from everything right now, but Rachel is being visited by Aunt Flo (thank the Lord), so I can't even pretend that fornication could make it all better tonight.
So yeah, today is a gong show. I also completely freaked the fuck out at supper tonight, when one of the kids let one of the dogs out (the one that runs away), and I apparently was completely yelling and such. I hate when that happens.
So I have nothing of interest to say. I just feel blah. You know how I always whine and moan about missing my mother? Well, for the last two days, I've been preoccupied with missing her sister, who died in November. I really, really miss my Aunty. So, I've been thinking of her and just missing how important she's been in my life. You know, all of you who have two parents, or even one parent of sound mind, still alive, trust me - just call them, forgive them of their shit, and love them. Tell them so. Trust me. Let it fucking be.
So I'm missing my aunt, I'm wondering why my dog smells so bad (I fear he's rotting from the inside or something because he stinks so bad), I am beating myself up for not being able to tell my mom how much I loved her until the end, I am feeling bad for being so fat and setting a bad example to my kids, and whatever the hell else you can think of. OH! I am also feeling like a hypocrite for everything I do. You see, I was all judgemental the other day when talking to an old family friend - let's call her... Maddie.... Well, Maddie was saying how jealous her sister's hubby was whenever he was confronted with her sister's ex boyfriend from 1oo years ago - a high school love. I told Maddie "that's insane - he's crazy" but then I realized that I've always been jealous of Rachel's ex boyfriend from like 25 years ago. She knows I am jealous but is too kind to mention it. But I am. It's nothing that's her fault, or this dude's, but it all lies within me. I guess my problem lies with the fact that they only broke up because he moved, so I wonder what would have happened if that didn't happen. Also, he was this annoying jock who I am sure pretty much wanted to beat the shit out of me on one drunken occasion (and he tried to fuck my Indian friend Barbara Ann on a separate occasion), so I just hate the everloving fuck out of him. Since I am his polar opposite, I have always wandered what what would have happened if he never moved. I know it's a stupid question, but I think being fat and such has really played tricks with my psyche and self esteem. So I always so cautious. I wish I could just love myself and realize my worth, but I am not there yet. Baby steps, I guess. Or maybe it's just that I can't believe how wonderful my wife is and how much she means to me. You know, she's really awesome - she's just the best person ever - she's the only one who has ever made me feel like I am worth something, so maybe that is why I am jealous that she had other options.... LOL, we men are a fickle bunch, hey? Or maybe I just think too frigging much. In any case, I'll maybe post something interest tomorrow, when I'm out of this head space. Time to go read what a bitch Oprah was. LOL, you gotta read that book. Poor Oprah.
xo,
JT