Scooters, Fall, and why Brad and Angelina suck ass

It's been a suck-ass week in shitsville. Seriously. Just fucking shitty. Nothing major really, but you know when shit happens, it all just sort of all happens at once so everything seems amplified and so you are extra touchy? Well, that's me. So, I am trying to relieve myself of the grumpies, and hopefully I can stamp them out (a game I play with the kids - shaking their grumpies out and stamping the grumpies on the floor). Anyhoo, work has been stressful, the kids have been tired, yada yada yada, just the ordinary stuff, but man, I've been way too crabby.

So anyway, I was reading my comments on the last Meme thing, and Devo said she didn't understand all of it. Well, I looked it over, and tried to figure out what didn't make sense. I am guessing the "Are we not men? We are Devo" thing probably was one of them. That's the name of a Devo album from the early 80s or late 70s, I don't remember, and that line is from the song "Jocko Homo" where it goes "Are we not men? We are Devo. Are we not men? D-E-V-O!" So, ever since I've known Devo, whenever I see her name, I sing that song in my head. You must download it because it's just so lame it's hilarious. It will do a body good.

So, I see Brangelina have yet again adopted another child of the world. Whoo hoo, come on ring those bells! I have no idea why this annoys me so much. I know it's a good thing a poor orphan doesn't have to spend it's like down by the river, hauling water on his/her head in a homeade jug, but my initial thought was I feel bad for the poor nannies who have to look after another charge. I guess I just keep thinking about my kids, and comparing. Their baby is 9 months old. The other kids are whatever the hell they are. And now there is a 4th, in under, what, 5 years? So tell me, wouldn't this kid take attention away from the others, who probably don't get enough? Who wants a nanny to look after their kids? I mean, I guess it makes sense from Angelina's point of view, since she's from Mars, and she's the spawn of Jon Voight, who looks like he was fucked years before he was squealing like a pig in Deliverance.
But old fucking Brad is from wherever the hell he is from and presumably had a humdrum childhood in a normal family, so like, if you think about yourself as a 3 year old and Mama keeps bringing home more orphans, well, fucking right you'd end up with some complex. The bitch will never be Mia Farrow, and he ain't no Woody Allen, so give it up. I just wish Jen would get herself knocked up by someone socially superior to them - like, she could get classic revenge if she got knocked up by David Suzuki or Al Gore and had her little baby named Kyoto or something, and then MOVED to Bangladesh and spent a few years giving innoculations or something.
I don't know why Brangelina bother me so much. It's not that she's crazy and has slept with Billy Bob, and it's not that she kept his blood on her at all times, and it's not that she's made sweet love with her freaky brother, you know, the one who looks like Jean Kasem? No, it's not even that. Nor is it the whole cheap tattoo thing. I don't know what it is. And Brad... I can't think of anything I've seen him in that I liked. And I mean, what in the hell is so shit hot about him? If I had a frigging trainer and a dietician, and smoked like a motherfucker, I could have a nice six pack and if I had a good stylist I too could have steaked hair and if I could afford caps, I too could have a dazzling smile. So what are you left with? Oh, yes, a man who leaves his wife for a fucking blood wearing kook who has had Billy Bob Thornton's PENIS inside her, and supposedly LIKED having said penis inside her. How whacked is that? So no, I just don't get it. Pissheads, every one of them. Jen, get yourself to Calcutta and wash the feet of lepers. We'll show them who's morally superior.

Ok, next random topic - why is it that Tim Horton's coffee is so addictive? I am as gullible as any when it comes to urban legends - indeed, I still get a little freaky when I chew Bubblicious because of the spider egg thing, but have you heard people tittering all over that Tim's adds nicotine to the coffee to get people addicted? LOL, it's so funny. But yet, I wonder why it's so addictive? I always have my morning Tim's, but this week, I've been picking up an XL in the afternoon too. It's sinful. It sort of reminds me of my smoking days, because in the last 7 years of smoking, I got addicted to Craven M - you know, your grandma's cigarette. After smoking du Maurier for years, I switched to McDonald Mentol Light, which really were hideous when you think about it, and smelled like dope. But when they were out one day, the guy was all "I have Craven M" so I bought them, and then whammo, I was hooked, and wanted to chain smoke the fuckers. And then, I lent one to my brother in law, who was a social smoker, and he was all "H0ly shit!" and we both would spend hours sitting outside saying "what the hell is in these things?" So I am convinced something more than good old nicotine was in those things.
What else is new.... nothing really. I was in Saskatoon for meeting yesterday, all day, and it was a really good day, but on the ride home, the roads were sort of shitty, so I was freaked out. I made a Chantal Kreviasuk cd for the ride. Did I ever say how much I dig her? She is one of the few who I will seek out the new albums from. I saw her here in town a couple years ago, in a 600 seat theatre (her relatives live here) and it was honestly almost the best concert I've been to. She was here last month again, but I didn't get tickets and I kicking my ass. I love "In This Life". Anyway, I urge all of you to give her a chance. She's so frigging good.
I am so boring yet again, aren't I? I don't feel like going to bed yet. Tomorrow, we have swimming lessons, and we are always running late for them, and then after we usually take the kids for lunch or shopping or something, but my hair always looks so fucked up after swimming, so I kind of look a little retarded. Hey Margo, there is another parent in our class who was younger than us and for some reason, I think there is some connection with you - you and him either had a fight, or you just hated him, or you hooked up with him, or something. Remember the dude nicknamed Beef? It's his cousin. Ring any bells? I don't know why I connect you and him.
I know I promised you all a Prince post, but I don't think it will happen tonight since I rambled on and on. But don't worry, it will come. I was just listening to "Gett Off" tonight in the van, and that song always gets me going - I am especially good at rapping the line "I like em fat, I like em proud/you gotta have a mother for me/so move your big ass 'round this way so I can work on that zipper baby/ tonight, you're a star... and I'm the big dipper...." I remember seeing Rosie do that exact stream of lines on Letterman years ago and it was so funny, and that's what made me realize that she's my sista from another Mista.....
I am just looking at the bottom of the template here, and it says "Labels for this post: scooters, vacation, fall". WTF? Scooters? Yes, file this under scooters..... frigging blogger.
Oh man, this is so boring, I should just cut you loose. Oh, I made a horrible, horrible joke today. Horrible. I went for coffee this morning with some friends. Let's call them... let's see.... Jonsie, Bardot, and Whitaker, and on the radio was Boston's "More than a Feeling" which I love, btw - go Boston! - and I said "The lead singer killed himself last week" which is true, and they were all whatever, and I said "yeah.... I should have known something was up.... I had a feeling.... MORE than a feeling" and it was really funny, but honestly, it was really a horrible thing to say. Sometimes I just really dissapoint myself with the crap that rolls off of my tongue. Do you all ever feel like that?
Margo, I need to apologize for making fun of Brad Paisley - I do own some country besides the marginal country of Mary-Chapin and Rosanne (have I ever said here how Mary-Chapin Carpenter's Come On, Come On is one of my favorite albums of all time? It's true, and I can sing it all). I actually own such things as Tim McGraw's Greatest Hits (I can identify with having a BBQ stain on my white t-shirt and such) and I LOVE "She Said Yes" by Chad Brock. I love that song so much. Anf of course the Dixie Chicks I love, and such. But Faith Hill leaves me dry. Her and Tim are coming to S'toon in June, (hey, I was a poet and I didn't even realize - remember that saying Margs?) and it sold out in 20 minutes today.
Oh for fuck's sake, they are showing the "Brangelina addition" on the news right now. Suck my ass.
LOL, sorry, I know that sounds so crude, but it's a saying from my friends Sharon and Jonesy, and it doesn't sound nearly as gross as when they say it.
Hey, let me tell you a story about Jonesy before I go. I'll try to watch the language. I know that Margo has this thing against a certain word. A word that begins with the letter C. You know where I am going. WELL. I used to work with Jonesy, and we are really tight, and as we were so close, a small group of us, we all know way too much about each other. Well, Jonesy grew up in this unbelievably rough family. Her siblings, for the most part, were on the street, into drugs and prostitution, and I still can't figure out how she was the only one of 11 kids to make it out normally. So she's an enigma. But anyway, because of this, she just wasn't aware of some stuff. For example, since they never had Christmas, she never had a stocking, so after she told us she never understood the concept, Sharon and I, one year, went out and each bought a bunch of stocking stuffers and stuffed one and hung it in her office, which led to tears and such and a Hallmark moment. But anyway, she's really an awesome person and she's married to this white guy and she hangs out with some uppity people and such, and she took up golf one summer. And she used to golf with these women who were sort of her friends, but were really well to do, and I know them all and they were indeed well to do. WELL, for some reason, Jonesy started saying the C word, because she picked it up from her hubby's friends, but didn't realize that it was on a plane worse than the F word, which she uses freely . So, I guess she was golfing with these women and was just throwing the word out there when she had a bad shot. So she tells us one day about this and how the women looked away when she said it, and how she told her hubby and he was all "you can't say that to women" and whatever. So she asked us to back her up and we were all "um, that's a really bad word to many people" because i know Margo was always so offended by it (although she says twat like it's darn). So then Jonesy didn't believe us, so we got Wilma into my office, this hard-talking woman, and asked her "what is the worst word?" and she immediately said the C word, which made Jonesy panic and us collapse in a fit of laughter and THEN Wilma said "you can only say it in the bedroom" and you know, 4 years later, we still don't get it. We were all "I dunno what Wilma does, but I've never felt the need to utter it in the boudoir". I don't know, the story is way funnier if you know us and were there. Typing it out, it sounds really lame..... ah well, I tried. Here I sit, broken hearted, paid a dime and only farted...
Ok, I will put y'all out of your misery and sign off.
I'll talk about Prince and Heart tomorrow, I guess.
Love and other indoor sports,
JT
No, my first name ain't baby.....