Japanese nightmares and demons

Well, as I sit here tonight musing over the purpose and theme of my blog, I think I can sum it up in four simple words: Japanese nightmares and demons. Yes, I do believe that sums it up completely. True, I realize I am stating the obvious, kind of like pointing out the elephant in the room, but, well, it still needed to be said. Japanese nightmares and demons. It's what I'm all about. It's how I roll.
Ok, so I can't really take that joke any farther. But those were the exact words uttered by Michael, the dude who won Project Runway this year. I know I haven't talked about the show really on here, but trust me, it's a hell of a lot more exciting than Survivor. To make a long story short, it comes down to 4 finalists, they design a clothing line, and show it at Fashion Week, and the winner gets a shitload of money and a contract for something or other, and their freaky model gets a spread in something or other. So when they ask Michael what the theme was of his line, I think they were looking for an answer that it captures the whole woman, because the judges said after they could see the woman going to the prom in one dress, going to work in the other, etc. Well, that's not what he says. He says something like the theme or the inspiration or whatever for his line was Japanese nightmares and demons. Well, of course, I am always afraid I am missing something, you know, the whole "I must be stupid not to see that, or know what a Japanese nightmare or demon is all about", but then Rachel turns to me and is all "wtf"? So that's been my catch phrase for the day. First we had the Indian on the trampoline phrase, then it was scare me dorothy, and now, my friends, the phrase of the week is Japanese nightmares and demons. Of course, it shouldn't surprise us that he said something so frigging stupid, because this is the dude who, while I commend him on escaping drug addiction and suicide attempts a few years ago, just annoyed the everloving piss out of me for being rude, assholish, and insulting to one of the other contestants' mothers. He tried to be all punk, but I mean, he's my age, 36, so you just want to say "put the fucking eyeliner away, Ponyboy, and take a fucking shower." This is the dude who has a tattoo of a bunch of writing covering his neck. I don't know what the hell it says, but the first words were Detroit something or other, which is the name of his 3 year old son, which is why he got the thing in the first place. Well, you know how I hate tattoos. Imagine how grossed out I was with this neck thing. And he has no chin, so it's even grosser. When we were watching the other night, I went to the bathroom and rolled up my jeans (as he was wearing what looked like gauchos) and wrote the girls' names on my neck with a crayola marker, and came out into the rumpus room and squished my chin into my neck and started talking to Rachel about Japanese nightmares. Well, after she stopped laughing, she scrunched her hair into this mohawk, because Michael's woman has a mohawk, and that's when I realized how absolutely compatible we are.
We have 3 kids 5 and under - we don't get out much.
Oh, and let me tell you about the interesting exchange I had with a security guard on the weekend. Long story short again, about twice a year, I have to arrange for someone to supervise some exams that are written on a Saturday. Usually I have my sister do it, but she couldn't this time, so I thought I would give my nephew the opportunity to do it, as you get paid over a hundred bucks for the day to basically sit there and read the newspaper while people write exams. My nephew, who lost his job last week and has two cats to support, would have loved the money, I thought. I thought wrong. So I call my other sister, who was going to Winnipeg. So I called my other sister, who I thought would do it, as she always wants money - but long story short, she couldn't - that one will take too long to explain. So I have an epiphany and think I'll get "Gina", a friend's sister, who did stuff for me in the past at my old job. So she says yes, and I tell her I will meet her at my work on Saturday before 9:00, as every frigging time I arrange this, there is some glitch, be it security isn't there on time, or the door is locked too early and latecomers can't get in, or whatever. Suffice to say I always make an emergency trip there. So I thought I would go to make sure things were ok. It's a good thing I went, because there were three major crises I had to deal with, but that's neither here nor there. The interesting thing was the security woman. She looked like a pleasant woman, and i am sure she was, in her late 40s or early 50s I would say, and as she didn't know anything about what was going on, I was pointing people to the room, and telling her this and that and what time they were done and so she says "so you must be a regular here" and I say, "yeah, I'm the counselor for such and such" and she's all "a counsellor? You look too young to be a counselor" and yeah, I look young, but I still found it insulting. However, I went on and said "yeah, that's half of my job, the counseling, but the other 1/2 is blah blah blah" and she goes "yes, but I still can't believe you are a counselor at your age" so I said "Lady, I'm pushing 40" and I don't think she believed me. SO yeah, it's flattering to be almost 37 and look 20, I guess, but at the same time, I was offended. I wanted to say something equally stereotypical to her like "a security guard? Aren't you kind of missing a penis to be guarding a building of this size, when you can't be any match for a tough thug" because she was shorter and older and armed with nothing but a sweater and a cell phone. But I didn't. I was the bigger person.
So that was interesting.
You know, complete change of subject, but I am so fucking sick of people on Deal or No Deal who push it to the limit. Quit when you are ahead. Fuckwits.
Chunks posted an awesome, hilarious post that just encapsulated everything I am feeling about the whole fear of putting the Christ into Christmas and the Rosie O'donnell Chinese thing - http://www.tidbitsochunks.blogspot.com/
In case you need a translation into Chinese, it's www.chingchangchungchingching.goodshit.com
God love you Chunks, you said what I am thinking. You keep writing like that and you too will have Donna Pescow posting on your comments too.
So I didn't switch to beta yet, so I am sure no one will be able to comment anymore. It's a shame that I lost so many readers when I had my long posting pauses. That makes me love y'all even more who stuck it through. Cinthia, if you are still here, say hey once in a while again.
I am off to Saskatoon bright and early tomorrow morning for another meeting. Long frigging day it will be let me tell you. I fear pavement frost, as it's been so warm this week.
Anyway, I guess that's about all I have to say on this stuff right now.
Sweet dreams - stay away from the Japanese nightmares everyone!
And, wishing everyone the very best during this time of year when we celebrate the birth of Christ. See, I am not afraid to say it - take your happy holidays and shove them up your asses, pagans!
JT