Post Number Two: An Open Letter to Winners

Dear Winners,
Sorry, I meant to write this 14 days ago, but the birth of my son made me delay writing. Indeed, I was in your fine store the day of my son's birth. It was shortly after the store opened that Sunday, and my expectent wife and I were browsing. I found a really cool pair of sandals or shoes or some sort of footwear hybrid. They are green and look European, and supposedly they retail for 100 dollars, but I got them in your fine store for 40 bucks. I think they are cool, but I have a feeling people are looking at them going "freak!" We also bought daughter #1 some shorts and somebody else some sandals - I can't remember who. Anyway. I appreciate the store being open again. Even though we all know you closed for a year and a half because you were busting the union, I can overlook that this time only, because I appreciate your store and merchandise.
However, I was a little dismayed when I went to use your rest room. You see, one comes to expect good things of Winners. The store is always clean and you sell such quality underwear that one expects nothing less for the bathrooms. Imagine my suprise when I went into your bathroom that afternoon for an emergency store poop. Nobody likes to poop in stores. However, I had probably 1/2 a dozen bran muffins in the 24 hours before I entered your store - it was this recipe where you mix ALL Bran, water, and Betty Crocker chocolate chip cookie mix. So good. So fibery. So, when I was shopping, and felt heavy down in the middle like a Weeble, and then felt like my ass was crowning, I had no choice but to excuse myself and use the bathroom. I went into the nice bright blue bathroom, and I might as well have been in Zellers. The toilet seat had urine on it, and ass hairs were prominently displayed all over the rear of the seat. I cleaned it up as best I could and just grinned and bore it, praying there would be no back-splash, as I had to flush the toilet before I sat down. Then, when it came time to clean myself, I was again dismayed at the ONE PLY paper. Why one ply? You can't have that many poopers in a given day! You are about quality! You should be giving us squares of 300 thread count sheets to wipe with! Not institutional one ply that makes a chafed ass bleed. It isn't right. But then, as I moved from toilet to sink, I appreciated that there was soap available, but.... BUT. There was no dispenser. And the soap that was there was a hastily bought bottle of Life Brand liquid hand soap. It smelled nice, but the bottle was dirty with dirty, soapy bubbles dried on the pump. Why did you run next door to Shoppers? Why didn't you grab some olive and grape leaf hand scrub from your own store? And why, if the air dryer isn't working, didn't you pay for some quality paper towels instead of a roll of the stuff I clean my windows with? I expect more from Winners. It will be the last time I shit in your store. Unless, of course, it's an emergency.
Yours,
JT - Emergency pooper.