the shitty ass fucking week or so it's been

Fucking Linda Ronstadt or Warren Zevon or whoever wrote Poor Poor Pitiful Me ain't got nothin' on me, babe. I am just in a right pissy fucking mood, and I am getting crankier by the second. It's just been one of those weeks, and then the icing on the cake was this big mega fucking thing with my nephew LLF, who I am going to go postal on, but I promised myself I will not contact him, nor tell the story here, for at least 48 hours, because then the immediate anger and pissiness will subside and I can fuel a rational rage. Don't worry Chunks, I know you always want details, and they are forthcoming, but the story is so long that I don't even have the energy right now to start at the beginning. As I said, two days grace, which I think is a mighty fair thing. But right now, if I was to see him, I'd take a rusty steak knife, chop his pecker off and shove it in his ear to try and fill the obvious holes in his irresponsible, selfish brain. I actually was going to just let him have it tonight, but it's complicated because I don't want to hurt his mom, who is caught in the middle of this, and who I made bawl tonight when I asked her what was happening and anyway, oh, I could fucking scream... but 2 days, and I am sticking to it, so let's see how mad I am then.... something tells me nothing will have changed though........
In stupider news - I am sick. Really sick. Head and chest cold and it's really bad, on and off sorta fever and aches and stuff, but it's almost a relief. Let me backtrack. I can't remember if I said about 10 days ago that I had the shits really bad. Well, I did. Me and middle daughter were shitting up a storm and I was tired and achy, but whatever, it was just a mild tummy bug. So then my shit finally turns a nice solid form, which is always lovely, but I still feel tired. So then on Wednesday, I have to go to Regina for a meeting for work that afternoon, and then on Thursday have a meeting there all day for that committee i am on for a particular corporation. Well, oldest daughter immediately weeps that I am going away. She doesn't remember how in my old job I would travel all the time, so when I go now she weeps. Well, so she weeps on Tuesday, on Wed. when I drop her at school, Wed. night, Thursday, has a horrible sleep and stays home from school - it was traumatic..... quit rolling your eyes Chunks. Anyway, so I am feeling shitty about that but I am also so tired still, and achy and look like shit. So I am sitting in my fancy smanchy hotel room, too tired to do anything but lay in bed, and at one point I look in the mirror and say aloud "holy fuck, what is WRONG with me?" because I can't figure out why I am so tired and achy for so long, and suddenly think I have some terminal disease or something. And then after sleeping a full 8 hours, which I haven't done in 7 years, I still drag my ass around. But then, I realize I have a sore throat, and figure out that "oh, I am just getting a major cold!" and this makes me so happy because I am not dying, I just have bad luck and have two things wrong with me in 2 weeks. I tell ya, I take my thrills where I can get them! Anyway, wifey-poo gets the shits in my absence, so she is battling the stomach thing all weekend, and I am moaning around like someone chopped my frigging knackers off or something, so it's quite the sight. Right now, eldest daughter is coughing and sputtering and the joy keeps on giving. The icing on the cake was that we went for a hike on Sunday in the woods, which we did last week as well. But this week, I am just sick as hell, and we were with my brother and sister in law and their kids, and so we stop on this hill to have a snack, and while everyone sits and eats, I just collapse on a heap on the ground and curl into a ball.... I'm like Paris fucking Hilton or something.
So, I feel like shit, the nephew is just consuming my brain with anger, I am feeling sorry for my sister, and everything is making me want to punch the wall.......
Oh, and my life is like the movie Groundhog's Day (which I hated btw): Remember when I said I fell in Sobey's a few weeks back? Well, I forgot to tell you that it happened again! Last Monday, I think, I was in there to get a steak and some spuds for a BBQ, since it's been so damn hot here the past few weeks. Well, I get my stuff but remember I forgot to get bread or something, so I go marching with purpose and voila, suddenly I feel myself slipping and soon I am doing this slow motion fall, and end up flat on my ass, somehow squishing the T-Bone in my basket, and of course since it was such a sudden, bad fall, I just let rip a big old "FUCK!" and of course, nobody saw again, so I can't even sue the bastards. But there was water all over the floor, or something. Fucking wankers. I hate that stupid ass place. Note to Save-On Foods - get your asses to Saskatchewan asap. So THEN, yesterday, we are at my brother and sister in-laws for supper, after I lounged on their couch after the hike, too lazy to move, and since I was having computer/router issues at home, asked if I could use their computer to pay some bills. So off I go down their stairs, and suddenly whammo, I am falling down the fucking stairs, landing with a fucking thud on their cement floor, swearing through muted words, as I knocked the wind out of me. Now, it's fair to say I slipped on laundry thrown down the stairs, but I was still freaked and went "OMG, I have MS or something!" because who slips twice in two weeks? So then I look in their mirror and see this red rashy bruise type skid mark on my upper back, middle back, lower back, and then the piece de resistance is my arse, which looks like a fucking map of Canada done in red. So you know me, I am in their living room with my pants half down saying "I'm sorry, but you have to see this". Fuck, it still burns.
And what else.... let me think.... Well, I am sure there is more. OH! This is funny: So I am on the phone with my sister after work, discussing the latest about LLF, which my wife said to follow up on because my sister was on the phone with him when she got home and said something was happening, but then I get this whole STORY and she starts crying, so I am trying to shut everyone up here so I can hear, and the doorbell rings in the midst of this and the dogs go apeshit and it's this politician campaining for the supposed upcoming election here and so I check it out while talking to my sister and he's all "so do you think we need a change?" and I throw the phone down and say "actually, NO, we are NDP supporters in this house but good luck" and get rid of him and then I always feel guilty but the Mrs. said I wasnt rude and "I AM a government employee" so I feel vindicated for sending Mr Conservative to the curb. But then my sister is telling me more so I go into the bedroom to listen to what she is saying because the dogs, who we threw into the garage when the doorbell went, are freaking out, and dear Rachel comes in and is saying something to me to tell her but she doesn' t know the whole story now, or that sister is crying, so I am motioning to her to "tell the dogs to shut the fuck up" and apparently she thinks I am telling HER to "shut the fuck up" so she throws the election guy's brochure thingy at me, so after I get off the phone I am all "wtf"? and we realize our misunderstanding....
So really, that's the day it's been.. the week it's been.... the 2 weeks it's been.....
Anyway, I better go deal with coughing child.......
have a good day....
XO
JT