My week at a glance

So, we have a boil water ORDER now for here in Stinktown that looks like it will be at least a month. I am not shitting you. I've been boiling water for a week and it sucks. So, today at 5:00, I was coming home from the store and I stopped by my office and dragged my half-broken water cooler home with me and voila, no more boiling. But what a fucking shit-show this is. I can't believe I've gone a week without ice cubes. There was some "malfunction" in something and now there are low levels of guiardia (beaver fever) and cryptosporidium in the water, and to get rid of it, you gotta flush and scrub and lick that sonofabitch clean, so....

Oh, then to make matters worse, on Wednesday night, my Blackberry decides to randomly fuck up. Just out of the blue, whammo! It turns on if you take the battery out and put it back in, but none of the buttons work so I can't press anything to answer a call or see a text or anything. I googled it and it seems like it's happened to more than one poor schmo, but I can't exactly understand the directions to fix it just yet. And then yesterday, around 5:00, I am trying to print something and my printer (wireless) isn't printing. Then kid #1 comes up to me and says the laptop won't connect to the internet. And then the tv says "lost signal" so I call my provider, and he said it sounds like we need a new modem and they can send someone out the next day, but they can't give us a time.

Well, no tv, no internet, and no cell phone. It was like I was Pa Ingalls, without that impressive tangle of hair. However, after we make hours of arrangements to have someone come here to let the phone people in the next day since we can't be here, the whole kit and kaboodle starts working again. Let me tell you, we couldn't drink the water or anything and without tv and internet and cell phone, I was waiting for the power to go out. And then this morning, my darling sweet Rachel, who the previous day, took her car through the car wash even though the temp was plummeting, came running into the house before work and exclaimed that the car door was frozen OPEN and wouldn't shut. You see, even though we have a heated garage, we haven't parked in there once this year, because it's been so freakishly warm, except for that cold spell 2 weeks ago, and then again the past 2 days. It was 30 below this morning. ANYWAY, I was in my underwear, brushing my teeth, and went to hurry out there, so what do I do? I spit, and instead of rinsing my toothbrush and my mouth out with bottled water, I turn on the tap, rinse the brush, and then drink a big gulp of the poison water. I've done the teeth thing many times this week, but this was the first time I drank it. If I don't have Beaver Fever soon, I have an iron constitution. Well, I guess you could say I've had beaver fever since I was 12 or so, but... LOL oh that's such a moronic joke. Whatever. Goonie goo goo bitch.

What else.... OH! Another funny from earlier in the week. There were all of these events going on in my town involving my employer. The head honchos were coming to town and I get this call on Monday from one of their people saying "would you like to meet with the Dean for a bit?" and I say SURE! but then I get this msg that I am to pick and this other dude up and have a meeting and then take them to this other event. IN MY VEHICLE. I flip the fuck out and then call my boss and say "I have 4 kids. My vehicles look like a herd of goats have been trampling through them" and was freaking because when they announced the water thing, they immediately closed car washes, laundry mats, etc. Luckily, that morning, they allowed car washes to open so I took work time to detail my van. Think I may just submit a claim for the 20 bucks to vacuum and wash the thing. Of course, there is only so much you can do with rotten melted banana (told you it was a warm winter) that got smushed all over the floor.

Indeed, the second they got in the van, the Dean goes "So, JT, it looks like you have a young family?" LOLOLLOL I wanted to crawl in a hole. But he was super-great. i actually took a class from him 20 years ago, and he seemed to remember me. FUCKING BIZARRE.

OH! And I can't remember if I posted that I got all fat again? Well, I did, after my Dad died, and the combo with that fucking antidepressant I was on, I gained wait like fucking TLC RUBY (I still need to do THAT post - maybe tomorrow - I gotta tell you the crazy trip of coming off that shit. It's so fucking crazy). Anyway, nothing fits me - just a handful of fat clothes. So, I just said "fuck it" and wore jeans. The meeting after my meeting with the Dean? Everyone was dressy, but I thought "whatever, fuck it, so what if every man is in a suit". And they were gussied because they were all going to a wine and cheese immediately after with the Grand Poobah of our institution. I wasn't going, so that was fine, as the invite said business attire. But then I literally got dragged down there "for just one glass of wine and a quick chat" by two people, and suddenly I felt like the hillbilly in the room. But people kept yakking to me and I couldn't escape. Usually, I don't think most people would cross the road to piss on me if I was on fire, but since I was in a hurry and looked like Opie, nobody would let me escape. This one person, a president of a local organization, was a close talker and was invading my space. I felt like if I didn't move soon, he'd be dry-humping my leg. I had no idea what the hell he was talking about, but he was feisty and talked about "those bastards" in corporations, and I was nodding my head like I knew what was going on. OH! And since I didn't know I was going to this thing, I didn't bring business cards. I ALWAYS forget cards. So at the meeting before, everyone is trading cards like they are actually going to DO something with them, and I am all "ummm, we were running late so I didn't get a chance to get back to the office to grab some". And THAT is why I'll never be president of a corporation: I never carry cards, I only dress in jeans, often accompanied by a hoody. Indeed, today I wore Levi's and a turquoise and lime green BENCH hoody. Sometimes I wear that hoody with my "severely distressed" jeans. I also enjoy afternoon coffee with the support staff. Nope, I'll never be J.R. Ewing. But that's alright. I'm a lover not a fighter.

So it's FEB. break in a week. I sort of wanted to take a quick foray into the States for some shopping. just a weekend or something. I found out that my inlaws and my brother in law and his family were going to E-TOWN. I just checked rates at WEM - A fucking room is 308 dollars a night. FUCK YOU WEM....

There, I said it.

Anyway, I guess I should go to bed.

I'll try to post tomorrow.

xo