update #1

Ok, I have neglected this space for so long, I am just going to give a point-form update on everything:

-- Ok, it's not important to finish the last story with the trivial details. Let me just say that after about a week of my Dad going really downhill in the hospital, he passed away on November 2nd. I last saw him on Oct. 30th. I went up to feed him, and he was really out of it, sleeping while sitting, and his ankles were really swollen, and I just sort of instinctively knew that this was it. But I was still shocked the night he died. I just finished putting the last of the kids to bed, when my sister called at about 10:30, and she said that Dad's nurse had called and said his vitals were "all over the place" so they were sending him to emergency and we better come. So I run across the street to get my sister "Libby", who was spending the last evening in her house (she was getting married the following week and was just there to clean out her house, as she was moving to the city). Anyway, by the time we got to the hospital, he was gone. He went peacefully and quickly. I went in first to say goodbye alone. It is such an odd, surreal thing to say goodbye to your parent, even though in mind he hasn't known me for ages and ages. As I stroked his head, kissed the mole on his cheek like I used to do as a child, and hugged him, I kept thinking "he's long gone, and finally he will be back to who he was", but it's still so... awfully heartbreaking to know that this is the last time that you will ever see this person again. And I felt so muted. I had a cry, and me and 2 of my 3 sisters stayed for a bit, and after we got up to leave, I had to go back in there and see him one more time. But I think that because we had been mourning him for so long, I was just out of emotion.

We went to my sister's house, had a glass of this revolting homeade wine she got from someone, and went home.

We weren't sure what to do about the funeral, given that my sister was set to be married in 1o days. Anyway, we decided to do the funeral 6 days later. I ended up writing the obit and eulogy, and my sister and I delivered it. It went ok. I don't remember much of it - it was all such a traumatic blur. But remember when I said, a handful of posts ago, that I went on an antidepressant? Well, I was scared that I had forgotten how to feel. So I decided to get off of it. And that will be my next post, because that shit was bananas, to quote Gwen Stefani.

Anyway, to quote Anna Nicole, I'm baaaaaaccccck......! Sorry, Rox, that this isn't the funny post you wanted to get you out of your funk, but to get from point A to Point B, I had to fill in the blanks. Onward and upward tomorrow!