Aztec calendars and the JT/FM Project

Hey Chunks, if Derwood really loves you, he'll take you here: http://www.guana.com/rent_island/rent_island.html
Rosanne Cash filled me in on this one, and they loved it. No, she didn't tell me PERSONALLY about it, but mentioned it on her blog as her favorite vacation. C'mon Chunks, you people in Alberta are shitting coins! Go to the islands!
My other suggestion is spending it in a cabin at Prince Albert National Park. If you agree to do that, I promise you I will get myself ordained to do weddings, and I'll remarry you two. I am not joking.
I am very, hugely, insanely angry at my nephew right now, but I will cogitate on this for now before I post anything. Let me just say it involves my father and money and I think I will go to a lawyer this week. Stay tuned.
Grammies are on right now and I don't know anybody. Who the fuck is Adele? Or Duffy? And the Jones Brothers played with Stevie Wonder?? I know them from Camp Rock - I sort of thought they were just for the Disney pre-teen set. Freaky shit. I remember my favorite grammy moments. I remember back in 81 or 82 or something and seeing the Human League and being so fucking excited I couldn't stand it. I frigging loved that British dance synth glam make up look and sound.... I also will NEVER forget the Eurythmics doing Sweet Dreams, and Annie was gussied up as Elvis. It sort of made me throw up in my mouth a bit because androgynous women sort of creep me out, but I was floored by it. I also remember them doing, another year, "Here comes the rain again". I will never forget Madonna and the Like a Virgin opening in the wedding dress. OMG I thought that was risque. I have no Prince memories, which freaks me out, because he was my favorite male artist forever. Did I ever mention how Purple Rain used to make me fucking cry whenever I listened to it? I was such a freaky-ass weird pussy nutcase, wasn't I? Anyway, it still brings something out in me.
I loved when Ellen hosted and Alanis was on that year and Ellen was saying she was singing Alanis and her mother was all "you did WHAT in a theatre?" And that same year Joni won for album of the year or some such shit, and that was so cool. That was in 95 or so. 96 I think. And I remember Natalie Cole winning all that shit and making Rachel buy me "Unforgettable" for Xmas, and you know, I've never listened to it more than once, because I hated that shit. But I had to have it.
What I really loved - WHOIOOO HOOOOO, ALISON AND PLANT WON!!!!!! - Did I ever mention my love for both of them? - Anyway, my favorite grammy moment had to be Bob Dylan when Soybomb came on and danced next to him and I thought it was part of the act. I remember talking to Margo on the phone in Cowtown at the time and we were both "oh, fucking SOYBOMB, this is so pretentious" and then we found out he was just some freak sneaking on the stage to dance. Oh, God love that crazy bastard. We need more Soybombs, spreading the word of love and joy written on their pot bellies, for the world to see. VIVA LA VIDA!
Something about Jamie Fox just annoys the living shit out of me.
What the hell IS the big deal about Mary J. Blige? I don't understand why everyone thinks she's so frigging wonderful. And I hate to say it, but I wouldn't fucking get out of my car if it was full of wasps to let Kanye West in to fumigate it - I just can't stand him. He's just an arrogant retard. Sorry Rosie O'Donnell - I know you think he shits roses, but he's just a bastard. And sorry to his deceased mother Donda, because I know she was mightly proud of her boy, but even though I can feel sympathy as an orphaned son like Kanye, well, Donda, I still think he's just full of shit and swagger and negativity. Rap about love and peace and leave the fucking bling at home, douchebag.
LOLOLOLOL, I am a might cranky tonight. Right now some pregnant rapping woman is prancing around. This ain't fucking music. I hope everyone downloads this shit for free because, bitches, it ain't really any good.
I just finished reading the Don Felder book about being in the Eagles, and it makes me feel better for not buying tickets. They added a THIRD Saskatoon show, and I could have had 28th row floor seats but refused them when I was going to enter my credit card, because they were over 200 dollars each. Fuck you Don Henley and Glen Frey. It should be about loving the fans and the music and each other, but you all just want to fill your pockets, and you all hate each other, so fuck you. I'll save my money.
LOL, Ok, watch, someone will offer me a ticket and I'll be there, but right now I am ok with not going. The book could have been a lot better, but whatever. I always knew Henley, who I actually frigging love, and the band, who I LOVE LOVE LOVE, were all sort of asses, but I remember reading that book by those hookers "You'll Never Make Love in this Town Again" and they said nice things about most of their celeb clients, EXCEPT for Mr. Henley, who they said was saddistic and cruel. They said he always wanted a group of girls and he'd line them up and just bang one, then go down the line, and he was just an ignorant dickhead. And then I think about the stories of him knocking up Stevie Nicks and convincing her to have an abortion and I want to beat the shit out of him. That's the story - he got her to have an abortion and she wrote "Sara" because she was convinced the baby was a girl. Now I can't listen to that one without bawling. Same like I can't listen to "Gyspy" or "Nightbird" because she wrote those about her best friend Robin Anderson who died from leukemia, just like my mom. Hey, y'all should write to the FM people for me and say some sad story about that and get me tickets to Edmonton or Calgary , because Nightbird and Gyspy are my therapy. You know, it's crazy enough to work. Get on it, and I'll owe y'all for life. Hell, I'll get ordained and marry all y'all. Remember to tell them I've been a fan since age 6 and own every FM album. Anyway, those songs are my therapy. I listen to them and try not to cry. I listen to both and think of my mom, who died of the same disease, and know that Stevie wrote from that experience, and I weep like I am some freakshow on a Mexican soap opera. Anyway, score me seats and I'll blog everyday for life.
So anyway, Sugarland is singing with this Adele person now. I love this Sugarland song. Have you ever seen the video for "Stay"? Youtube it. That makes me choke up too. I dunno where the hell I'm hiding the ovaries.
But damn this song makes me sad. And this Sugarland chick is so damn good. Now, where is this Adele bitch they speak of? Oh, the hell with her, who cares..... but she's almost done the song, and this Adele isn't on stage yet. Maybe I heard wrong about Adele. The tv is so quiet because my sweet baby boy is sleeping, and he's either sick or having a reaction to his needle, so let's just say he's fevered and cranky. OMG, he's so damn cute and sweet and he's been the biggest blessing and makes the past year bearable and livable, and just like the others, makes me have hope for this world. Child #3 is a daddy's girl now too, so I am so blessed. Oh man, if I could win just the amount that Margo's mom did in the lotto, the 250 grand, there would be baby #5 in 9 months.
Oh, here is Adele singing with the Sugarland woman now. I still don't know this Adele lady.
I've been having the stupidest dreams lately. I had one about this old coworker last night - we were going to a party together and I thought I was dressed all nice, until I looked down and saw that my pants were short and I was wearing white sweat socks and Birkenstalks.... wtf that means, I don't know. I just found out that this ex-coworker, who is all mother-goose-ish and in her early 50s and seems sort of, kinda square, is actually a big pothead. She's a grandma. And I always feel sort of judgmental. It's weird. I don't want to be, but I sort of am. And then I keep thinking 'where the fuck does she buy the dope'? Like, how does a "respectable" mid 50's grandma just call up some gansta homeboy and say "bitch, I am jonesing for a dimebag!" Like, seriously, I don't get it. It's been almost 20 years since I've smoked the ganj - the last two times made me so paranoid. The second last time, it was nuts. I was so high I remember we were driving on this cresent and I thought we were on a racetrack ,and we were listening to "Flesh for Fantasy" and this girl who we were with who wasn't high but kept asking us if we could get her some, kept saying "FLESH... FLESH... FLESH..." during the song and I couldn't stop laughing, but then we went for coffee and saw Margo and "the whore" and HER FUCKING MOTHER and I was so high and the first thing the mom says is "your eyes are so red, are you stoned"? as a joke and I freaked the fuck out and ran out of the restaurant and down the street and the road was rolling and I kept saying "OMG this shit must be laced with ACID!" and it was hideous. That was actually the beginning of the panic attack stage for me. I trace it to that night. Then I stayed off the evil weed for months until my friends made me do it one more time and I got all paranoid again and we were at someone's house, and they were Indians and had this tapestry of an Aztec or Mayan calendar - all I remember is that it had this creepy face with a tongue sticking out in the centre, and I felt panicky UNLESS I was staring at the face in the calendar all night, so I just responded to the conversations going on by staring at the calendar. And that's when I said enough of this shit. I still wonder, though, what effect it would have now. I need a laugh now and then......
anyway, this is enough babble for one night. I love ya all - now get writing to the FM and Stevie people about your poor orphaned friend with all the kids and the mother who succumbed to the leukemia, who wanted her boy to see Stevie and company, in the name of Robin...
Oh I am such a whore, I don't know how I sleep at night.........